RobynBerryLuke_New Zealand

LIFE AND ITS UPS AND DOWNS

2010-08-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

I have been living under the impression that my life was reasonably good and that everything around me was just simple and uncomplicated. How wrong was I......OMG the last few months (irrespective of last year) have been horrendous. Why has my life turned into such custard?

I wake up every morning and believe that the day ahead is going to be fine...but almost every day lately there has been a drama or I don't cope or I have felt out of sync with everything around me.

Been speaking to a couple of friends in the same age group as me and they seem to be experiencing the same down feelings. I thought originally it was just the winter blues but we have a few months more to go of winter and I don't want this going on any longer - so I have been trying to think of ways to upgrade, update and generally up my life to somewhere where I don't feel totally redundant.

Every day on the news it is so depressing and I know that compared to so many other millions of people my life is amazing by comparison - all the same I am not coping.....bummer!

Has my bi-polar mental health come back to haunt me, lol - it never goes away though, so don't think its that. I don't feel like writing my blogs don't feel like going out or even connecting with anyone at the moment and it sucks. Have even lost the thought of what to do to keep awake and not go back to bed after breakfast and just sleep my life away. What is wrong?

A friend has kindly been helping me do things on my computer as he feels that when you have a computer you are never lonely, all very well except with my feeling of redundancy 24/7 I don't seem to be able to get my head around any of the things he has shown me to do. I have never taken computer lessons and just know a minimum on this little machine and it has become so hard to even think logically so this has to change.

I was so gutted when my dog of 15 years passed at the end of January this year but someone I don't know very well at all has given me thee most amazing present that I have ever received. Six months to the day my JR died he gave me one of his two little toy poodles as two was one too many.....I have called him Pepe Le Pew after the comic character from the 1940's - he is sweet only 1 year and 1 week old - fluffy and cuddly and very easy to train. He already had lots of basic knowledge but without the other dog he is calmer and much less norty - he has become a mature lady's lap dog almost overnight. One downside has been my peeps (the 3 cats) have gone nuts, even though they were used to a dog for their entire lives, two cats have decided not to come back into the house at all and I don't know where they have gone...so good and then bad...phew enuf is enuf.....only have one cat left after 4 days of Pepe Le Pew and she is ensconced at the back corner of the kitchen bench only to come out when we are upstairs during the night......

I don't know how to do trackbacks and this is a problem, should I take lessons, maybe I should....evidently to get known with blogs there are lots of things you can do but I at the moment don't give a stuff - so I have a brick wall totally around me and no strength to push or break it down. If you can't make plans what the hell do you do for the rest of your life?

My capacity to remember things has been making me anxious for no apparent reasons other than I'm tired and I always used to cope well with problems and turned them into challenges - where has that all gone........where?

I have had to turn off my 15 fin heater as I cannot afford the cost of $13-00 per day to run it - this has been a big challenge for me to turn off the heater I have used for years. Am typing this at the computer as I have a 4 fin now going and am wearing every warm bit of clothing I can put on without drowning.....lol but have a cold nose and cold ears....mmmmmm I was a good person and looked on the local energy costings and my heater was .53 cents per hour to run this new smaller one is supposedly .22 cents per hour so if all goes to plan I can pay my power bill currently sitting at $1,200-00 in arrears - most of which the power company has sent off to a debt collection agency as I am on the emergency power assistance group as I use a nebuliser they won't turn off the power but I can't afford to eat if I have a warm house...this is why I havn't been coping I'm going backwards all the time, no good road forward for me that I can see.

It would be wonderful to find someone who could look after me I'm sick of me having to look after myself for all these years, the kids etc. they arn't around so that isn't helpful.

CANADA HAS DONE IT - should we?

2010-06-28T19:42:00.001-07:00

Posted By LillianPetal On Tuesday, June 29th 2010. Under: OMG Tags: banning substances, beer, booze, dorkish behaviour, driving, legislation to infiltrate our homes, nanny state, parliamentary unpleasantness, racing, wine, you name it its being legislated against Edit Post

A smoking ban in Canadian prisons has worked well with no riots or uprisings.
From July next year New Zealand inmates will have tobacco taken off them. Critics say the policy could put prison guards in danger, due to increased unrest from stressed prisoners.

Union for Canadian Corrections Officers spokesman Lyle Stewart says they also had warnings about problems, but as they were well prepared nothing eventuated.

“I think that if your prison service prepares well, offers smoking cessation aids and makes sure that everybody knows well in advance what the rules are going to be and they are properly enforced then there will be minimal problems”.

Mr Stewart says he has not seen a single instance of violence related to the ban on tobacco, although there has been a small black market established. He recommends the move to a smokefree policy in New Zealand prisons.

Cut and paste above…..now my input -

I think that a ban on smoking within our prisons is going to be one enormous headache for the inmates and as they are already incarcerated to also stop them smoking (for the sake of the other non smoking prisoners and prison workers) is stupid and short sighted. As far as I know now they only smoke in their cells and in designated areas so what is the big deal……Your freedom is taken away and then the Government legislates that you can’t even smoke – to me this is short sighted and going to cause more grief than they ever imagined.

I wonder when it will be illegal to smoke outside in public or in your own home……getting scary now people, too much legislation is your privacy and rights being totally abused…. Lets also ban booze and drugs and bad parenting and anything else that may or may not affect us as individuals….go Nanny State………

I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT MEN WHO ARE -

2010-06-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

Judgmental, snobbish, up-themselves and generally too much to handle. Far too many programs already in place and inflexible to the degree of pedantic arsehole...... Well I met such a man the other evening for a drink....he has done nothing but send me emails on my behaviour which are sad as much as funny...he couldn't take my forthright personality (sometimes I do admit its a little over the top) but it does always weed out the wheat from the weeds, as the saying goes.

I had forgotten about this type of male and he says he wants to date women hence being on an internet dating site but in actual fact he is more concerned about what his friends might think of someone like me instead of seeing the happy and friendly person I am by judging me and saying in an email that yes I would be good to play with but not good enough to meet his friends. What a wanker.....

Made me think long and hard about who and what I am and how others peceive me...but came out the other side with the knowledge that I am a good person with a great empathy for others and someone who is willing to take on elephants in the room. This in my book has been a honed skill over the years by having to bring up children on my own and being both male and female parent on many an occasion.

Our programming does come into this - he has stopped and I am still progressing which for him I feel has hog tied his beliefs and of course is so entrenched that he can't change. OMG the most important think in life for me is being able to go with the punches and also take on board new and different perspectives - maybe I am a chameleon and blend in where ever I may be - but I don't go around judging anyone, especially on a first meeting and then giving them grief for not being what they wanted.....well onwards and upwards.

Not very nice to cut and paste the emails in here and I would love to do that, but I'm not that crazy today....maybe yesterday I would have, but today not so much.

Going off to reevaluate my thoughts and motives for even being on a dating site - this is not about my age its about trying to meet friends and not stay stagnant and inflexible. Oh and I think I am maybe a tad still romantic enough to believe that there is someone out there for me but what a bummer of a journey and do I have the guts to keep going? Now that is my conundrum and today's issue to fight, fix and forgive myself and get on with my life.

WINDOW SHOPPING - a cool way to spend time and no money

2010-06-24T14:43:00.000-07:00

Okay couldn't put in the dog photo will have to learn how to do this but check out my http://MissLillianPetal.com/

This great dog is called Louie and I met him today whilst I was doing some extremely serious window shopping at Birkenhead Point shops. There are a little set of shops in Hinemoa Street from about number 80 to 120 that are very special.

It is the cutest little nook of shops and a couple of great cafes and a very special tea shop.

Now first of all I will talk about the tea shop who serves lovely cups of tea in proper china cups with saucers and plates and old fashioned club sammies and home made goodies to die for…..what a treat – plus they also sell old fashioned sweeties like black balls….oh oh oh went into a total spin the most lovely place to have a meeting with a potential beau or with a couple of your coolest friends or just by yourself. “The Tea Lady” at 100A Hinemoa Street, Birkenhead Point. A mum and daughter have this as a little business and everyone should try this experience the interior has lovely old 1950’s and 60’s furniture and tables and cloths….OMG stunning -

Now there are other great places to see and look into Primrose Cottage on the corner – quality gifts to treasure – yeah rite! I saw at least 30 things I wanted and will put a photo in with their plaques on the back wall just as a taste of whats inside this shop. Romantic roses made of silk through to beaded curtain tiebacks – kewl kewl stuff.

Then I went and saw my friend Karen to have a chat and a coffee as she was helping today at Sway Boutique at 94 Hinemoa 09 480 8989 – will put in photos that I took of some goodies the clothing is perfect for anyone who likes taste, style and great clothing reasonably priced – in other words not Ponsonby prices…sorry Ponsonby but you do have more expensive prices even for a coffee….lololol Didn’t get a website addy for Swag so just turn up and look and buy…..I’ve got my eye on the colorful frock you will see below in the pics. Also they are currently having a SALE so get there toot sweet…..

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT YOUR REALITY?

2010-06-22T05:12:00.000-07:00

I know that I am quite often not actually in like with the world I live in, sometimes I go into another dimension in my head, doubt that this is good for me, but I was wondering if any of you are selective about your own reality? Are you able to go out of your own current reality as I do as I find that I go into not in a good place, or are you constantly in a nice place and really in your own current reality? As I am a positive person most of the time I think I do look at my world with rose coloured glasses and every now and then I have to take them off to just see how my life is actually going otherwise I would be a fruit loop all of the time….lol

Being positive has a down side though, I every now and then feel that I may have not thought something through as much as I should as I only looked at the good side of whatever it is and not taken time to regard the possible negatives associated with whatever I am doing. An example would be the blogging – I have no reality about who may or may not be reading my blatherings and then every so often I get this feeling that I’m talking just shit and nobody wants to listen or read what I have written or said…but the bottom line is that I shouldn’t actually care about that the most important thing for me is that I am doing something that I adore and feel maybe soon might be good at, but I can be quite a flake and this does creep in ever so often……hehehehe My two children think I am a total creep so without their approval I go on…..they havn’t been supportive of my blogging at all so my nearest and dearest don’t want to know….

That is quite a reality check – I think they think (lol) that I am going to tell you their secrets about them and their lives but actually in the scheme of things as far as my blogs are concerned they don’t figure in any of this – this is my own point of view only no one else assists with this…I network and talk with many people and seem to get my blogs out of my head or thin air…….To have children who are NOT THAT INTO YOU does give me a feeling of sadness but I can’t change their minds they are grown up and quite frankly from the old movie “Gone With The Wind” - quite frankly my dear I don’t give a damn. lolololol I can’t afford to dwell on them otherwise I would be permanently crying and feeling like crap. I am the one that HAD to move on. Now enough of the personal crimes….onto others -

Comments from those of you who have children that are ungrateful and not into you – I would like to see if I am the only one out there or there are more mums and dads that get the non support I do….please post

I type at my laptop on a table in the lounge and above the screen is a mirror which reflects the room and also I have the tv right where I can look up and then watch what is on…its a great idea as you can sort of watch a program and also type as I do my blogging. Just at the moment watching and listening to Mylie Cyrus on David Letterman singing from her new album the new single ”I Can’t Be Tamed” it sounds great and I remember seeing the video of this track about a week ago and thought it was rather kewl and very special. Make a point of having a look at it if you like music as she has the most amazing song with really interesting dance moves and bird wings to die for…..I want a pair of her black wings just to put on and prance around my house singing at the top of my voice. Well why not – only my peeps (the 3 cats) would get a fright and I promise my neighbours in advance that I will not go outside and prance around with wings or anything else that might freak them out and make them call the ‘wagon’ to take me away. It isn’t often that I like a music video but this one I really did…so there!!

EMPOWERMENT - my own journey

2010-06-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

I had an amazingly creative day yesterday (I must apologise to those I told I was doing this blog last night) at a Seminar at The Langham “Women in Business” what a day – I admit I learnt a lot and found it empowering, informative, funny, a mind expansion, wonderful networking, met new and cool people, an absolute blast…..except for the numb bum – I also have to admit that the 3 hours flew past and as my normal attention span is that of a gnat I lapped it all up and had no idea where the 3 hours had gone…so I must have been totally enthralled.

I have very rarely gone to an event like this where there are over 500 in a room all listening and me sucking up all the words and the total energy from within the room. It was wonderful and totally empowering. Only trouble was I came home like I had done a marathon running up the Himalayas like one of our speakers actually had done. So I just sat and reflected on what I had heard, seen and done. Hence the blog this morning.

There will be a plethora of links in here today as I feel that everything I saw was interesting enough to put into here and I am surprised that I feel this way. Maybe I do need to go where there are a lot of people and change the way I feel about events like this.

Our first speaker was Barbara Kendell – stunning life and achievements – her journey is/was awesome and she was so humble with the accolades she has earned and received with, I would imagine, from what she was saying was extremely hard work and focus. This is what she spoke about and made me feel like I had just been cruising through my life with very little purpose and just being lax and slow and not focused at all……was a great speach but I felt small and insignificant after she had spoken. At my age I couldn’t do what she has done NOW but there is no reason why I can’t pick up my game and do more…MORE omg!

Before and after the seminar there were stands outside with enthralling products and items that were unique and I will chat now about what I saw and put in some links – firstly there was USANA Health Sciences- I must have been hidden away from the world for far too long – didn’t know about them – but a great friend of mine Karen Ovens, whom I hadn’t seen for years, actually sells for them -and the last speaker was Collette Larsen who is one of the best within USANA and she comes to New Zealand often to speak, I found the products were interesting and I tried on of their body cream on my hands at the beginning of the seminar and for the rest of the day they felt like silk (must save up and get some asap) Will read their brochure at length soon. Actually, my hands today even after a shower are still soft…..mmmm – interesting

Met the awesome Susana Sarmiento involved in quite a bit of my winning makeover and in the flesh she is beautiful and emanates total confidence and serenity – how she does this is a mystery, no its not it DNA focus, strength and overcoming all your negatives – wow am I blessed to get to work with her over the coming weeks and learn as much as possible to fill the gaps in my old brain that need a revanp, and there are a significant number. I had seen her a couple of times on the tv in the morning programme but hadn’t taken too much notice as she is young and beautiful and I didn’t equate that I may need her assistance to help me evolve…..how dumb is that? LOL only thought she would be perfect for my son – yeah rite! LaQua Image International and also WE – Women Empowered. Tomorrow I have another session with Mink Photography to have my makeover and photo taken – can’t wait. I’m almost child like about this one today I’m excited and very keen……calm down woman….lololol

At a couple of the stalls they had draws for product and prizes I made sure I was in all the boxes as I am such a winning person at the moment I want MORE and MORE and MORE….the person who came in with me through the door got a ticket (the guests were in a draw) I was number 1 and she got number 2 and she won a fantastic garden prize…Oh I was just one number out but I didn’t begrudge her the win, I hope that she and I can meet again and talk, we chatted about the end of my makeover and having all the people who were involved with it come to have tea with me where Lynda works Stamford Plaza and that would be a fitting venue to say thank you to everyone involved for my prize win. Good idea I thought….

Other stalls had amazing things some so inviting like the organic chocolate Natures Gold delicious and no sugar…great for me – then the really kewl idea if you have a car accident they will come and give you assistance, take your car and have it fixed and then give you a car to use and bring yours back groomed and finished – kewl eh? Accident Repair a business by women for women, making accident a pleasure - there is a God out there………wonder if men would also use this service – they often need it much more than women do…lololol

A cute little product was an ice file made in Europe and not metal so they don’t bleep at the airport so you could do your nails in the air…..they also had crystals on them, they were cute and last for a lifetime – must get one and throw away my diamond file I have had for over 40 years, time for a new one me thinks…. Also jewelery that was unusual and very pretty made mostly of glass hand done by Justine McInally and Kari Lindsay-Beale there were beautiful glass beaded bracelets, one of my favourite pieces of jewelery I wear quite a few at a time and often…….I wear mostly vintage though but these really took my eye. I want some……………and also earrings and necklaces – here we go —- I want it all…..(words from the song).

When we went in there were goodie bags – I havn’t had one of these for years and I came home and looked at everything and ate the amazing chocolate square like a lollipop on the stick of chocolate yummy Choc-o-Lait the milk one mmmmm so norty of me but I didn’t care it was delicious. I didn’t even feel guilty opps not good…..hehehe

Now if I forget anyone and you are reading this please feel free to comment and I will put in your link there are a couple more I’ll put here, but I hope I got everyone’s stall – now I went into a draw with Spa Travel- journey to the new you (me) and briefly spoke to Sharon will be calling her this next week to find out more, and last but not least three of the last stalls I acquired cards from, first Pharmaceutical Compounding which is all about improving your health and providing wellness – an essential requirment in today’s world. Nuts – well there were in the goodie bag a small cotton bag of natural soap nuts ‘Soap Grown By Nature’ ugly little buggers but I washed some delicates last night OMG they were perfect after their wash you just throw bag and all into the washer with your clothes and they are available from Jirah Health Ltd, no more soap powder for me I’m going into this big time – think the concept is really awesome. Then spent a moment or two at Two’s Company a singles introduction service, this I might join as internet dating is just so so and this might be more up my ally…..then finally after ‘doing’ the stalls I went inside and sat down. There were so many people who turned up they kept moving back the walls in the ballroom until the room was packed, I think my initial number above might have been more like 700 it was full. I looked around the couldn’t believe my eyes…….some men also dotted amongst the seminar attendees some of whom were Affiliates to USANA.

Now I will start making appointments to find out more about all these goodies and try extremely hard to do as the speakers said actually empower myself to do better and enjoy my life more….good idea as I’ve been a little too slack, no more staying at home and being lonely and only networking close to home I’m off out into the big world.

2010-06-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

Upward trend in mortgagee sales
2:45 PM Sunday May 30, 2010

A new trend is emerging in the latest figures for mortgagee sales of property.

Mum and Dad owners are now losing their homes in record numbers, as the effect of the recession continues to bite.

Terralink's latest data shows two-thirds of mortgagee sales in March were for properties owned by individuals, rather than companies.

Managing Director Mike Donald says it shows ordinary property owners are now being forced to sell. He says at the height of the recession a year ago, it was mostly companies and property investors which could not meet their mortgage payments.

- NEWSTALK ZB

WORLD CUP SOUTH AFRICA 2010 New Zealand finally scored a goal in the last seconds

2010-06-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

All Whites' defender Winston Reid heads home the injury-time goal that secured New Zealand's first World Cup point against Slovakia. Photo / AP
A great day for New Zealand sport and a moment to live on in history.

Winston Reid's name will live on for many years after his last-gasp goal kept alive the All Whites hopes of making the second round of the Fifa World Cup finals.

His goal gave the All Whites a 1-1 draw against a Slovakia side who were the clear favourites. It also gave the country its first World Cup point.

I have seen many great New Zealand sporting moments over the years but nothing to match this.

It all seemed dead and gone - until Reid's header with seconds remaining.

The crowd erupted with so much noise that they even drowned out the vuvuzelas.

Ricki Herbert's men have created history but now they must try to go on with the job at hand - face Italy and Paraguay.

On a bright day it was also made clear that the All Whites will need more than their one attacking option - the aerial route.

After the final whistle, Herbert said: "It's just phenomenal. We are going to enjoy the next 24 hours and then back on the pitch and working hard."

Asked about Winston Reid's goal, he said: "I think he got on the wrong side of the [Slovakia] guy for them to score so he's made amends for me."

They created early chances, but couldn't take them. They also need to be sharper in front of goal, to make up for their lack of world class creativity and dribbling ability.

As the game progressed, Slovakia's speed and ability on the ball took over, whereas in the early stages, and with midfielder Simon Elliott magnificent operating from deep, the All Whites had looked very likely.

There were no World Cup Goliaths in Rustenburg, more like a Big David versus a Little David.

I WANT TO BE A SLEEP A HOLIC.....LOL

2010-06-04T01:48:00.000-07:00

I have decided to put this in here as I have difficulty sleeping firstly because of my mental health drug regime and I also get hyper active over a few days and then cannot sleep at all. I have actually only had 5 hours sleep in 3 days so I was very very pleased to see this come into my email box today. Hence the cut and past.

I want a good night's sleep....it eludes me so often. Then of course we have the other end of the scale (the total opposite) when I sleep for hours and hours, but always during the day. I get tired put on my black eye-pads and just collapse into heavy sleep for about 8 (and often more) hours.....Oh to be bi-polar - its a total bugger!!!!!

Is a Lack of Sleep Affecting Your Health?

Dear Reader,

The National Sleep Foundation in the US, recently released its annual "Sleep in America Poll," which reveals how much sleep Americans are getting, what their bedtime habits are, and who's seeing the doctor and taking medications when sleep is elusive.

Only about four in 10 respondents said they got a good night’s sleep every night, or almost every night, of the week.

This indicates an overall trend showing that people are not having enough good-quality sleep - a short-coming that could put your health at risk.

That’s because your body carries out essential repair work while you sleep. Not getting enough sleep can impair your immune system, leaving you less able to fight off diseases of ALL kinds.

Health risks linked to not getting enough sleep

Too little sleep impacts your levels of thyroid and stress hormones, which in turn can affect your memory and immune system, your heart and metabolism, and much more.

Over time, lack of sleep can lead to:

* Accelerated ageing
* Depression
* High blood sugar levels and an increased risk of diabetes
* Brain damage

Recent research, published in the journal Sleep, also found that the amount of sleep you get is linked to gains in abdominal fat. This link was still prevalent even after researchers accounted for other factors that could influence weight, such as calories consumed and exercise habits.

Abdominal fat is linked to heart disease, type 2 diabetes, strokes and other chronic diseases. So, to start with, if you’re not taking your sleep needs seriously, you could unknowingly be sabotaging your weight — and your health.

A lack of sleep can seriously alter levels of important hormones linked with appetite and eating behaviour. When you are sleep deprived, your body decreases production of leptin (the hormone linked to the feeling of satiety). At the same time, it increases levels of ghrelin, a hormone that triggers hunger.

In one study, researchers found that people who received only four hours of sleep a night for two nights experienced:

* 18 percent reduction in leptin
* 28 percent increase in ghrelin

Also, the sleep-deprived subjects in the study seemed to eat more sweet and starchy foods, rather than vegetables and dairy products. Researchers suspect these cravings stem from the fact that your brain is fuelled by glucose (blood sugar); therefore, when lack of sleep occurs, your brain craves carbohydrates.

In short, sleep deprivation puts your body into a pre- diabetic state, and makes you feel hungry, even if you’ve already eaten.

The influence of the sleep-wake cycle

As already mentioned, how well you sleep can seriously alter the balance of hormones in your body. This can disrupt your sleep-wake cycle, also called the circadian rhythm. A disrupted circadian rhythm may influence cancer progression through shifts in hormones like melatonin, which the brain produces during sleep.

Melatonin is an antioxidant that helps suppress harmful free radicals in the body and slows the production of oestrogen, which can activate cancer. When your circadian rhythm is disrupted, your body produces less melatonin and therefore lowers your natural defence against cancer.

In addition, a lack of sleep can speed up tumour growth. Tumours grow two to three times faster in laboratory animals with severe sleep dysfunctions

Not only that, but sleep deprivation can cause:

* Changes in your brain activity similar to those experienced by people with psychiatric disorders
* An increased risk of heart disease and stroke
* Raised blood pressure

7 ways to guarantee a good night’s sleep

If you’re having problems getting a good night’s rest, the following tips can help you nod off:

1. Take a hot bath before bedtime to relieve stress.Soothing fragrances, lights and music may also help you unwind.

2. Limit activities in bed to sleep and sex only. That means no reading, watching TV, eating or drinking in bed. In fact, having sex is the perfect antidote to insomnia as it helps you sleep more soundly by leaving you feeling more relaxed and tired.

3. Make sure outside noise isn’t preventing you from falling asleep. If this is a problem where you live, earplugs can work wonders.

4. Help your body associate your bed with immediate sleep. Don’t go to bed until you’re completely exhausted, and if you have trouble sleeping try sleeping in another area of the house.

5. If you wake up during the night don’t switch on any lights. New research has found that being woken up and exposed to light during the night can completely throw your biological clock out of synch for the next few days. This disrupts the release of important hormones and affects your energy levels.

6. Avoid caffeine after midday so your body isn’t still stimulated by its effects at night. You can help limit your caffeine intake simply by making your second cup of tea in the morning from the tea bag used from your first cup. Plus cut out sugar and refined carbohydrates – although they both give you a burst of energy, it is short-lived and upsets your blood sugar levels. This can disrupt sleep in the middle of the night as blood sugar levels fall.

7. Have a snack half an hour before you go to bed to help you sleep more soundly. A warm glass of tryptophan- rich milk with a spoonful of honey is beneficial in raising your body’s levels of serotonin – a chemical that relieves stress and depression and promotes sleep.

Please check out my other website - I am in a quandry do I post the same into each of my blogs or alternate or ???? have no idea which is the best way to go about this, anyone got any suggestions?

Changing the subject from MOI.......

I am absolutely filled with disgust and amazement that British Petroleum have been so bad...they are proving to be total dorks and I believe they should have had plans in place with all deep drilling just in case this sort of accident happened. They did not laterally think this out I would believe that if you are such a big company wouldn't it be a good idea to have a plan B and also a plan C if A "Fucks Up".......that would be the best scenario they are an enormous company with no back up plans......how stupid is that they are just being crazy I hope they go under....they will have to sell considerable assets and I don't give a shit I am no longer going to my local BP station (which I have used for over 20 years) because of this catastrophe. I feel it will take a generation to have this cleared up totally and be back to where it was before the accident. I also feel very sorry for those who died and their families and give them my condolences.

I also think the guy that is running this from BP should have someone write his speeches and general public speaking he put his foot (actually both feet) into his mouth - he wants his life to go back to NORMAL - get a life dude you are a DORK........you have ruined an precious eco-system and affected thousands of humans, their livelihoods, the animals, plants, water you name it and jeopardized an economical area for food production, Oh I could go on and on.....I trust it will be resolved soon.

I have had my rave, going out now for a drink and a (smoke) don't read the last word.....and have a nice night with my new and improved body....see Lillian's musings. Click on the link.

Ciao to all of the 3 peeps who this blog.

Night night.....

The world turns and keeps on going - thank you God.

......

Well I'm back..........

2010-05-17T01:03:00.000-07:00

Thought it was time I got off my butt and wrote more into this blog. I have been so slack and its all my fault, well maybe not all mine, some of it has been medical as I've had a number of operations and a couple of infections so been sick and bad tempered for quite a while. On the move upwards now so lets get stuck back in and write more blatherings.......

Trying to read all I can about blogging and how to publish and how to get followers and my there is so so much to read and very little of it seems to be sticking in my brain...maybe the age, maybe the technology - who knows I'm just not able to understand (for the first time I think in my life) actually how all this works.

What to do? Shall I change my life it could do with a big jolt of newness that's for sure. I am in a total rut have been for a while now and its getting to me. I have been enjoying quiet time so much that I never thought I would actually ever leave my home again....its been so quiet and my bad tempter and tantrums with things like pillows into pillowcases etc. has been just stupid, but what do you do when all your friends just have disappeared or they drink too much or you can't drive your car. Now the car driving is a biggie after having an operation you are not insured until 5/6 weeks have passed...very small print in the Insurance Policy.

I learn't of this no insurance years ago (can't remember how) but they will enforce it if you do have an accident so its best to do as they request. Of course I went out and started the car every now and then and then forgot to do it so when it came to getting back out there the battery was a flat as a pancake...omg but the sister of a friend of mine had jumper leads and this got me back up and running. Too much for me to handle but between the two of us we got it back up and running and I've ensured that its being turned over regularly now......

Because of my mood (mainly shitty) its been interesting how non optimistic I have become usually I'm sort of up-beat but at the moment I'm at the bottom of the proverbial barrel with sticky stuff between me and my optimism a low that I am not enjoying one bit.

Its almost as if I am at a T intersection and don't know whether to turn left or right as where I am at the moment isn't where I want to be at all. Now how to change this negative into a positive? Do I just lock myself away forever from now on or do I get the nose back out there into the world and start again. The only problem is what to do........???? Oh yes, what the hell should I do for the rest of my life, I have no life path, I have no children to support me emotionally, I support the few friends I have left and they are countable on one hand...so its all crappy around here. Winging again omg didn't want that to come out, sick of feeling sick and tired and under appreciated. I turned 60 and my world turned to crap, well not totally but I'm having to pull up my boot straps and get a better frame of mind up and running pretty soon or I'm for the tip.

I watch the news and read about the world and it isn't making me feel any better. There are not that many positive things happening and I'm too old and not fit enough to take on a project in eg: the middle of Africa or change my life path to help others I'm now the one that needs the help.

It has been interesting as I was given assistance from my local district health board when I left hospital after my pelvic floor operation as I live alone so they organised to have workers come to the house once a week to take me shopping and do a little cleaning. They have been nice women but by the time they drive me to the supermarket their off to the next person on the list so all the things they are supposed to be doing for me it comes down to just one thing.....no cleaning etc. just shopping. At least I get to see a human once a week for half an hour.

The human part is at the crux of this problem of mine I think - I no longer have any visitors nor a network that supports me at all.....they have all gone. Do not know when this happened but it has I'm alone and hence the change and where to go from here. I don't cope with nothing to do......I mean talk and exchange views, anything really with another human. I am sick of answering emails from dating sites they are boring and the small number of men in my age group all seem to have as much if not more baggage than I have - so that doesn't make for much fun.

A friend did tell me that I would never be lonely if I had a computer....well that may be true if you wish to google street by street - what to do - read, read and more reading. I feel that my world has narrowed down to an extremely small space and I didn't see it coming either....well who knew? My mind just flicks old memories backwards and forwards and looking back on some of them I wonder how the hell I survived - maybe I did take the odd incorrect path when I was younger, something must have gone wrong along the way as I now am totally alone and wondering what to do....even tomorrow looks uninteresting and no plans coming to mind at all.

I'm also tired of remembering all these old memories they are not fun, there are far too many of them and I'm sick and tired or reliving my life in my head over and over again. Is this how all mature people end up? I hope not....I want a life and looks like I'm going to have to go and get another one. Survivor of mental health, survivor of cancer but not a life survivor at the moment - I just need a life!

......

Now I've had the winge - will I feel better, I wonder?

A FISH OUT OF WATER - thats what I am, yes its true

2010-02-26T15:33:00.000-08:00

Well what a week. I have been endeavouring to assimilate into my environment this is the new look me with knowledge and understanding and also a modicum of internet savy, yeah what a crock....

I went to an evening which all the others had been involved in a seminar for the day and felt terribly out of it - hence the fish in the title - they all were discussing and talking about stuff I didn't even know what it was about. Now I thought that I had become more evolved but no thats not the case. I think I have even gone backwards a few steps. Maybe three forward and four back...this isn't a great place to be.

Is it my mind, am I incapable of learning new tricks or am I the old dog who just can't get it. The emails come in I read them and then file them and then totally forget what I've read. I don't seem to be able to keep the information uppermost in my head. Why is this - I think it may be that I am going senile and havn't noticed or maybe I just don't think the way I used to - or better still I'm just not getting the vibes the undercurrent nor reading what is around me on this earth...its gone my instincts have disappeared and I'm flapping about like the old fish out of water. The nearest puddle of water is far too far away to flap to.

Yesterday felt like I was in another universe not this world at all. It was so not enlightening to listen to these guys chatter and not even know what the hell was going on. Maybe it was the noise in the bar, maybe I have lost my communication skills, maybe I'm just to bloody old or maybe I need a refresher course in being real. Now by this I mean getting into the moment and networking and using the few skills I have to obtain information. Now the silly thing is will I remember it....once upon a time I would hear or see something once and it would stick, now its a case of being in or on the same plane as everyone else. I just felt out of it....omg!

Have I let the world slip from around me or has the world just changed so much I'm no longer part of it? What to do about all of this, wow maybe I need to rethink my entire personality my entire being and how I learn - where is that paradime shift when you need it? Gone walkabouts......

A realisation like this one makes you think deeply about where you are coming from and indeed where you are going...I'm not sure there is a going at all I feel like I'm stuck in a time warp and can't move either way. This isn't a very comfortable place to be. I feel insecure and vulnerable and stupid...yes totally all of those and throw in a couple more for good measure.

Why do I feel so out of it? Is it always like this when you get older? I have felt lately that I have turned into my mother - mmm - always thought I would know what cars were on the road look at them driving past and have no idea what or who manufactured them let alone know the make, model etc. Also figures like Toyota having to recall eight million cars makes me shake...what the hell happened, did a computer somewhere hiccup? Was this a human fault - is my little old Toyota going to get a mind of its own jump motorway barriers - I am not being flippent about those who have had accidents and all the harrowing stuff associated with this recall but why did it happen in the first place. Now down to the nitty gritty was it a design fault - actually I don't really care but just the enormity of it is too hard to handle. Maybe I should start wearing a paper bag over my head and just stay home and not venture out at all....don't know that this might help either but its a start.

Lets get agoraphobic again and stay put....used the spell check for the large word in this sentence and don't even know if its the right one they gave me 5 different words to choose from and I picked the one that looks the most likely. This is what I mean you get a red line under a word and then you can check if its right or not....heaven help me my old teacher at my school would be mortified we did spelling from a book and wrote down the words didn't have red lines or multi choices - see its doing it again for me...go away I'd rather not spell properly it just makes me feel stupid again....

One amazing thing happened this last week I won a competition to go to a day seminar on writing which is the first thing I have won in 20 years and also an expansion for my brain...will put on 10 alarms so I get there on time and ensure I take copious notes and then try and remember what the hell happened afterwards. Its about 'is there a book in you'....well probably half a dozen at least but they may not be publishable nor readable as my blatherings seem to be getting less and less understandable to me let alone readable. Don't even think they can be called blateriings think more likely ramblings of a mentally challenged women. This is so hard I feel like I got left behind a brick wall this week and I don't have a chisel or anything to cut through it...maybe its just panic....lets hope so. Goodness me, blatherings doesn't exist in the spell check, maybe it isn't a word after all......

Think its time for much more constructive things other than typing like a loony toon and saying/typing whatever comes into my head.

Bottom line is - where to from here? Do I have the capacity to actually survive in the world today, or am I outdated, outmoded and out of my brain? Lets see how next week goes.

Oh yes, next week the lovely operation (number 1 of 2) I trust this time they actually do the work and I come out tidier and more lucid after a long time under anesthetic or have an epiphany whilst under and come out a new person....omg that would be great.

See you all again.....

Don't forget to look up my new website http://MissLillianPetal.com which I'm trusting won't hit the dust too soon and I can get some words out of my brain, think that might be the cause of all of this - too much in the head half of which should go down like a hard drive? Appropriate I feel - just get rid of the superflous and then add new and improved to move on.....

......

Deep Th?

2010-02-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I actually have written in here. This is my favourite blog area and I feel that I have been slacking off.

Sometimes with my personality and general health I do find it more difficult to function on a happy and fulfilling level, but I do have good and bad days like everyone else so its just life....

Life - mmmmm what a statement! It seems to be difficult for me at the moment it just isn't right....things keep happening that should be going away and I have to focus and put in a lot more effort than I really want to. This is normal I feel, but omg how I wish I could just switch off and enjoy the sunshine the air the garden (Oh yes the long grass, another long story) and just enjoy.....why am I so up tight?

The loss of my sweet wee doggie of 15 years has been hard and its difficult to forget that she isn't here...I keep doing things like put down my ice cream bowl on the floor for her and then goodness me remember she isn't here....why don't I move on....its been two weeks and I am still bereft. This is a state of mind that I should be able to control but emotions are running high and its awful to feel so lonely.

Now I havn't felt really lonely I don't think this much before. My best friend isn't here the one I told all my secrets to the one who always was a good listener and my support network. Fancy that being a little Jack Russell she was different, very intuitive and stayed with me through good bad and ugly no matter what her demeanor was always the same, loving and would cuddle me. Oh the touch of her warm little nose its making me cry as I type...but I MUST get my shite together and get a grip. Its not a good thing to dwell on this emotional plane its too hard to function and I need another best friend. How to do this? Now there are a few options....

The cats (my peeps) are still looking for her but they are moving on - Oh to be a cat....now positivity is lurking in the back of my brain and I know that this will pass but its getting to me more than I would have wished.

I went out and met a few new people but the gut didn't react with a jolly encounter they just became boring and I wasn't really listening in the end. Now that isn't the Robyn who grills everyone and asks lots of questions and doesn't shut up...come back - come back I need you......lololol

Now an extremely different topic.......Power the stuff that makes things electrical work and the world turn daily to do its business and internet and cooking - whatever...

Here in New Zealand we are nuclear free and I have been thinking that President Obama has a nice take on this power issue by getting more up and running....costs are so expensive here in New Zealand and the power companies seem to just fleece us for no other reason than they can and want hideous profits for their shareholders...what about a lil ol lady like me having to pay $100 a week for her 1 heater as its running cost if $12 a day...now is this good, no it sucks, we have such amazing natural resources why do they make it so hard and keep putting up the prices. I have had 3 price hikes over the past 18 months and we are about to get another one....why Oh why?

I think that we should amend our policy within the Government here in New Zealand and LOOK at the other forms of power generation and maybe one Nuclear Power station would fit the bill. This is of course like a salmon going upstream without any fins but lets see what happens if I start to ask questions...this is where all this started by my emails to our Prime Minister about the cost of living and especially my power account. Policy changes this large would be unimaginable but could be achieved - why not - the world is going to need more and more electricity to survive so how about using a great big Nuclear facility to do this for us and take down our power costs considerably.

Where to put one of them....on an island, out in the pacific with a nice long cable to us here or where? Now this is a curly question maybe I should actually look at some statistics and try and make a semi educated proposal to our Government as the nuclear issue is such a big foot in the mouth that all supposedly New Zealander's have and wish to keep that way. The clean green image - oppps lets stop the cows from farting Oh my Oh my large corks in their bums...how about my bum - I often need a cork as well. What about my carbon emissions how much do I affect the world as an individual? All this is just speculation on my part at this point but it is something that I have been thinking about quite a lot recently and should we consider changing? Oh dear, change - that amazing thing that happens every minute of every day....CHANGE - Barak Obama's political career as a President was a campaign on Change...so lets think about it and do some research and see where it takes us.....probably for me trying to get a water fall back up to the top with a pin...but I'll start looking into it seriously and go from there.

Now I am off to have a coffee, some quiet contemplation and look at Blazing Saddles the Mel Brooks movie from way back to cheer myself up.

Enjoy your days everyone (those two of you who read my blogs) and will talk again soon.

Going off to Wikipedia to look up Nuclear Power Generation OMG.....

.....
hehehehehehe

Feeling under the weather - now why is that?

2010-02-11T19:32:00.000-08:00

Just a quick few words to say how stupid and unwell I feel today. I have finally taken responsibility for the fact that the operation I was due to have a couple of days ago was re-scheduled and I am totally pissed off with them. Now I normally am ever so evenly tempered (yeah rite!) but this has just made me feel not so good.

The only good thing is that I won't have a sore butt to go to the Chinese New Year celebrations tomorrow Saturday evening so there is I suppose a good enough reason not to be bothered about the change. BUT I am still unhappy it just puts off the inevitable yet again.

We will be looking at both operations probably at the same time which is how this all started out.....yuk

I'm off to have a spa treatment and try and not hang from my ceiling any longer. I am so wound up I'm a very tightly coiled spring about to sprung.....lol in every direction.

Will get all dolled up tonight and go out and about and network this always seems to make me feel better......hope it works today hehehehe

Cheers to you all

.......

GOODNESS ME - yet another operation

2010-02-08T16:26:00.000-08:00

Its all the same - here we go again. I have lost count at the number of operations I have actually had so I feel very comfortable with going into hospital and being knocked out....its a great sleep. Have never given any credence to those who say they knew what was going on....I just go into gaga land and enjoy the waking up at the end.

Then the questions start...I drive all the nursing staff and doctors nuts as I want to know everything they did and how they did it. I only wish they would take a video that I could watch, thank God I'm not squeamish as lots are.

I know they are doing the best they can to make me comfortable and the morphine drip is wonderous - only problem being that I float, hoover, and generally fly around the hospital don't stay still think I'm doing all sorts of stuff but have been told I am only lying in my bed sleeping - yeah rite!!!!

No food nor drink from midnight tonight but allowed to sip water until 2 hours before operation, it was scheduled for early but one of the surgeons is unavailable until the afternoon so I get to go in later, thank goodness as getting up at 5 a.m. wasn't really a cool thing to have to do. Now I can saunter up at around 9 a.m. there is a God/Gods in that heavenly body upstairs, I'm sure they assist me more than most as I'm constantly badgering them to help me.

Will let you know how I am when I get home as I'm not taking in the puters they won't work in there don't have the correct thingy to put into the side. But it will be nice to be email and web free for at least 24 hours. I'm hoping they don't find anything and I get to come home soon.

Sometimes they do work - I'm absolutely positive they put up a set of Welsh miners with lights on their hats to view my coal(on) lol.....arn't I cleaver? NOT

It feels that afterwards though but each hour you feel better, so be it if the miners have to use their pitchforks.....

Be in touch again soon.

Don't forget to look at my new website http://misslillianpetal.com and enjoy my other blatherings.

Cheers for now

.....

thinking, thinking, thinking - am I overdoing it in the thinking department

2010-02-04T13:33:00.000-08:00

Well everyone welcome to a new a beautiful day. Its coming up roses and thorns and clusters of cacti and daisies and normal floral stuff.

I am still reeling from the demise of my favourite peep young at heart Valcro my JR dog....she was such a good listener and I was (am) such a good talker.

Where can I now blather or to whom can I blather about anything, everything and moi?

Just a quick update as I'm off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz - that doctor person about my ops.....OMG I am so special I get all this unwanted attention.

Just a quick note you wouldn't believe it I (silly moi) joined an sms site guess what they cost me a fortune and the one guy I sent a txt to ended up a total wally and totally unstable....who knew had to spend more money and send STOP....I am so gullible and this internet stuff sometimes gets me good....lololol

Now I have about $1.20 on my phone so that won't get me anywhere soon.....

Cheers to you all

enjoy your lives and pleasures

c u soon

.....

AGAIN POSITIVITY - its an essential ingredient to survive in todays world

2010-01-31T21:56:00.000-08:00

Hello to all - not many days now until we have the Chinese New Year and I can't wait.   We are the first in the world and its wonderful to know that my year of the Ox is finally finishing.   I am an Earth Ox and sometimes it is said that your year can be great or difficult - well in my case my Oxen year was total shite.......

From having Whooping Cough, a car stolen, my home burgled, my bi-polarism having a relapse, to just general and stupid things happening that made me feel sad, bad and unwanted.   The penultimate was two days ago when my wonderful Jack Russell 'Valcro' died after a massive heart attack.   She was born on the 22nd of December, 1994 and passed away on the 31st of January, 2010 - 15 years old. The house is quiet and I now know how much I talked to her she was my support when no one else was around.   I give her to heaven and know that we will meet again someday.   I miss her so much - I am bringing home her ashes later this week and she will be in a lovely painted box and kept with my mother's ashes.   They are the two most important people in my life. A dog can be like a human and my baby was more thoughtful and supportive to me than any one else in my entire life, including my children who seem to think I'm a loony who is so strong that they don't need to even come and say goodbye to their pet or support me through this tough time....so be it - they have taken their own path and now maybe I need to take a new one for me only.

Lets move on and be much more positive and think about my dreams again and try and attain some fun, love and support from others within my community and help more people with the advocacy I do already, I have a lot to give so lets get it out there.

My peeps (the 3 cats) have been looking for Valcro and are wondering why she isn't here but they have been by my side constantly since Saturday afternoon I think they even understand how devastated and bereft I am.

I have done enough crying for everyone in the world who has passed away recently and since the beginning of time. I think that Haiti was terrible but the world has a way of doing majestic but horrible things to what I believe is to make us think and gain hope and start again after such a cataclysmic event. I give my love and support daily to those in need and trust that Haiti will eventually become whole again.

What will this 2010 give us - so far its been pretty much sadness and this needs to be changed. Mr President please keep going on your path to right the wrongs that have happened recently and historically - you are the right man in the right job - get it done please.......I hope that those who do not see issues as you do will eventually see the light and maybe help instead of undermining your changes.

Positivity is such an integral part of our personas and some do not activate it very often at all they would rather bring down themselves and everyone around them instead of assisting and helping their fellow man.   Maybe this year some will come back from the dark side and see the light - lets hope so.

Be well and loving to everyone you know and to those you don't as well.

Cheers

.......

BEING RE-VAMPED lol like an old car

2010-01-21T15:33:00.000-08:00

There are now only 6 sleeps until my major operation and I (this is kewl) am actually quite pleased its finally on its way. I will be like an old car that has be re-chromed and refitted with a new engine a cut and polish and a totally new paint job.....

How are all the peeps out there my following in my lounge have been amazing and very supportive of my condition - they just accept that I am the food provider and therefore their God!!! or should that be Goddess.....hehe

Been out and about and seeing and meeting all sorts of amazing people who are networking with me on a couple of new projects. I am still stirring madly to not only get my own way, but they are assisting others to get a good/positive result as well so the network is enlarging - good positive movement starting -

I am feeling very positive and am so grateful that here in New Zealand the medical fraternity can do amazing things but it is mostly free to all New Zealanders the only problems that arise is with followup and service providers out there who are extremely hard to find and who also don't promote themselves nor their servies - so its a great hunt me down to find what people require/need. Even I have been given the run a round on many occasions so its keep going until you feel you have achieved the right/correct result for you as an individual and also I fight for others to achieve what they often sorely need.

This is going to be a short blog have been updating all my paperwork so if I am going to meet my maker my children and friends won't be left with too much of a nightmare - I will be overseeing from wherever I am to ensure they don't fight over teaspoons or chairs lolololol etc.....

The world is suffering badly at the moment especially I give my prayers and best wishes to those who are in that horrible quake zone and I heard they are having significant aftershocks as well - may God bless them all and may many miracles occur. This is so sad but often the actual world does do unpleasant things and cause great grief to many.

brb

I will talk again soon

I would like to wish President and Mrs Obama congratulations on your first year in the Presidency and am so thankful that you are there - ofcourse everyting you are trying to change will take time.....

Best regards

Love to you all

Robyn Berry-Luke

.....

MELTDOWN a paradime shift........

2009-10-30T16:02:00.000-07:00

Am back - wow what a rush I'm so amazed that I have returned to the land of the living as I have been very unwell and it is interesting to note that its been almost a couple of months since I was in here. When you live with mental health issues as well as trying to solve the daily tribulations of life its a double whammy - most of which is spent inside a badly broken brain trying to find some "normality" lol...is there such a thing?

On a really fab note the Whooping Cough finally abated about 10 days ago - thats almost five months of sickness and what a rocky road that was. I cannot remember ever being that sick even after a major operation every day you feel slightly better but this lurgy keeps at a pace of unrelenting suffering and it just doesn't abate. What a nasty bug. I will certainly be making a note to have an immunisation in six years time as evidently the antibodies last that long. You can get this bastard as many times as it surfaces when your antibodies have gone....I never never wish to have this again.

Good things come from hard work - yeah coughing and spluttering for months and the only fantastic side bar to all of this is that I have toned up my stomach abs from all the coughing - found a waist again after 30 years lol lol lol

Also I'm back on the net and have a new service provider for my landline and broadband it was a breeze to get back on when they finally did their magic, but ofcourse I owe millions of $ to all sorts of places which is my mental health issue that arises each time I have a spell of unwellness or what is commonly known as a relapse and as I can obtain stuff out of thin air - great if I was the head of a major company like General Motors - they crashed and burned and they arn't bi-polar either....lol but I have in the past couple of months crashed down with a very large bang emotionally and physically the same ol same ol stuff that I so wish never would rear its ugly head again and again....its a dreadful cycle and ofcourse its not a blessing to not know that you are doing it until the dam breaks and you totally flip out.....this is managable (so I tell myself every day) but its so hard to not be well and go up and down like a rocket mentally. From high to low overnight and then the crawling back up the ladder of life half a rung at a time as a full rung tips you over again and its one step up and two steps back.

I have always been an optomistic person - thank all the gods (maybe) - this is part of my disorder it becomes almost as if you are indistructable and there are no consequences in the world that will ever get you.........Nice eh? Your confidence works at about 200% and the mania and manic inappropriate behaviour manifests itself for me in cranking up my world and obtaining all sorts of things that I don't require but feel I desperately need at the time. This goes on and on until one day you are flipped from the high back to a very very low place and from here you have to crawl back into a daily routine of life and it even covers things like eating - when you are low you don't want to do anything at all. For you out there who have never experienced a panic attack or anxiety these two items are constantly in my gut not abating until they are bloody ready to go, medications or not. I had a list of triggers at one point years ago but anything can trigger your unwellness either the total up or the total down and you don't know its happening until you are aware of it having taken over hence it being called bi-polarism...........total ends of the spectrum as we know it - totally dodgy and unavoidable in my head. Bless my DNA!!!!

This little relapse has been especially nasty as in the middle of the first period of being depressed and unable to function properly some one came into my home whilst I was asleep upstairs and went through my handbag and took my money and then helped themselves to my car keys and took my car.....now I am carless and flipped out even further they took away the one thing that was my protection. Fancy a car being a protection - well it was how I could get away from my house to feed myself and function at a reasonable level. I have had to rely on a friend who lives close by to take me shopping and to see the shrinks and the doctors and without her I would have been totally screwed. For this help and support I will be enternally grateful and this I must admit is the first time I have had such support the vulnerability of how I feel and the loss of my car has been overwhelming. I found out that for me there is very little available to assist a person alone out there - the hunting up of any services and assistances is overwhelming and without a phone or the internet as well I was isolated and vulnerable as never before.

But how much can another individual do for anyone before it becomes a burden? I feel like a burden and don't want to ask anyone for assistance as I was independent and now I'm dependent what a turnaround!!! I was never one to ask for help unless it was absolutely necessary I was the caregiver or the giver not the taker and never gave it a thought I was available and could assist but when the shoe is on the other foot its a very different ball game. I feel that I should be able to cope but you don't so I have had to swallow my pride and force it down to a place where it doesn't hit me in the face. Spent weeks sitting in the same chair rocking (what a pastime) but now at least I'm walking about a bit more food is still a big issue though.

I have been eating what I would term school lunches for all my meals. I have been unable to cook anything as my attention span is non existant so I eat packaged processed items that don't require any cooking only have to open the tops. Now this can even be a bit difficult lol the tops are not only child proof they are very often Robyn proof as well.....exceptions being the yoghurt pottles I eat, just have to watch that I don't open them in a hurry as the contents blow out....hehehe Being diabetic also has consequences and in my manic state I wasn't taking any blood sugar levels at all but now my fingers are back to being pricked 6 times a day and with this creative eating regime they havn't been too bad. Ofcourse I missed two important appointments at the hospital at the Diabetes Clinic because of no car, I couldn't ask my friend to take me all the way out there so they had to be rescheduled. My car was stolen on the 4th of September and today is the end of October so its been a while since I was independent and could keep my life sorted. Having to rely on someone else is so awful for me but I am learning to cope and this friend has been absolutely amazing. Her life isn't wonderful either but her generosity and friendship are incredible.

Life is hard - is it just me that thinks this, I don't think so - everyone has hassles and in this modern age lots of things seem to take much longer and if you arn't plugged into the systems you falter and fail. Thank heavens this is an internet provider who would take me on. In my unwellness the problems I have made come hourly to haunt you. I have punished myself minute by minute with obcessive thoughts (which is part of my disorder) so I don't need to wear a hair shirt I have one inside my head ready full time. Now I have to see how I can survive with the limitations and inappropriate things I have done - I'm sitting here typing so that is I suppose a positive start.

I so want to change but my programming its hard wired and I must live with this and take control and boy oh boy do I take responsibility for all the stuff I have done.....over the past weeks I have relooked at every single bit of behaviour and every event in my entire life and its frightening what I have actaully inside my head. Often I wish I could just take out the motherboard and reboot myself - great thought but not going to happen any time soon. Maybe I should invent a delete button for the brain (here I go wanting to do the impossible yesterday, yet another stupid or inappropriate thought) they come like the wind some stick some go..........

Now for the good news - I was insured for the car the cash and the contents in the car but I have a feeling that it might be a game of russian roulette to get the payment for all this. The insurer sent private investigators and I have filled in heaps of cruel forms and had to find out all sorts of information for them, they even spoke to my neighbours the investigators found out all my secrets and my bad credit and told me verse by verse what I had been doing and I got the feeling that they were not impressed nor were they understanding of my plight or mental health issues. Lets trust I was wrong eh? Now I'm waiting for the insurers to either give me the payout or deny me....which I wonder will it be? I almost felt they thought I had put my car into a hole in the garden and was only joking.....evidently red flags came up about my insurance cover so this could all turn to custard and I don't get to have another car - that thought gives me the total heebeejeebees....what if they don't pay? I'm totally and utterly screwed if they do that, then what do I do? That would be the most unacceptable thing that has happened for years and years but I don't have any control over any of it so its in their hands now......hope and trust that it all works out and I didn't fiddle anything and I didn't have my car stolen for the money - I NEED my CAR - I want to have a life back this event has made me scared and I hope and pray that it all works out alright in the end.

On a much happier note - THIS IS MY 50th BLOG - little did I ever think I would be a blogger or do anything like this in my life so there is good amongst the daily grind and the bad stuff I suffer over and bring upon myself because of my behaviour - maybe there is a small flicker of light at the end of a tunnel?

I'm going to have another packed lunch and maybe sit down and try and NOT think for a couple of minutes.

Wish me luck peeps with my car and contents issue please, pretty please!!! Can't create a car with my brain only possibly an imaginary one.....lolololol

....

ABOUT TO TURN 60 am I truely that (THAT) old......omg!

2009-08-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

Hi to everyone who are actually reading my blogging.....I talk with a few of you around town here in Auckland and enjoy your comments - never thought I would be discussing my 'blogs' with anyone at all so I thank you for reading me and not deleting me........

Now for deleting......well I really feel like deleting myself. I have so much to do and no time and absolutely no inclination to do it - so be it - I keep saying, but that is a total cop out. Every single human has stuff to do, why do I feel so pressured and considering my lifestyle this shouldn't be a problem at all. What to do - well I'm going to have a big birthday - big in numbers (my age) and not many people (thats financial) its going to be on a beautiful 70ft. yacht in the Viaduct Harbour, we aren't going out at all on the water as we are just partying in the harbour at the birth - this is because, well its because I don't feel like getting cold and wet, nor do I feel like going out at night as my party starts at 6pm and goes until 11pm.......lol Eveyone I have invited is so busy that a day on the water at this time of year was too much for us all......so its party at the wharf where we can pretend we are anywhere in the world....not in the northern hemisphere as I fear it will be pissing down with rain, hail and gails on the night. This is because all the years I have had a party its rained and September in New Zealand can be very cold - so lets pray that its warmish and balmy - yeah rite!!!!!

Nothing much happening here with me just the same ol same ol....no money or not enough to party on down....just enough to get me into lots of trouble as there isn't sufficient to pay everyone at the same time its the drip feed method for all in sundry. Lately I have been dripping and feeding the wrong ones though, I knew I was being norty but I didn't care - I purchased the good cat food for my peeps here not the junk and I also purchased good food for me, even got some organic things, how mad is that!! You mean to tell me that I acquired healthy and nourising food for me - yes I did and I enjoyed every mouthfull I ate. I often scrimp on me but not any more will get an annual top up from a money lender to cope.........but in the meantime.....Telecom are cutting up rough, what else is new!!! lololol, they always want their pound of flesh at the most inappropriate times when I don't have the cash or were with all to pay them...so if I totally go off air you guys will know that they have pulled the broadband plug, no phone for me now they have cut it off so no calls out and no mobile from them until further notice - so its back to semiphore and smoke signals and using of friends phones to do stuff.....well actually to tell you the truth I don't care if I loose Telecom they are nothing but (and I leave you to place names here _______________________), as I have blogged about them in the past. Will only buy half food for two weeks and I will be able to afford a plug in web server thingy.........lolololol for the laptop I leant to someone and now I now its broken.....wow - here we go.......................................

Westpac my most non favourite banking provider have gone off the radar for me I'm no longer their client and must say that I am enjoying the evening news most nights as they (Westpac) get to be lead stories of both bank employees behaviour and clients who are even more pissed off than me saying their bits on the t.v. - maybe this bank should look at their staff training and policies and amend accordingly. Still missing their few millions given in error - Oh well, wish it had been me............except in my case they would have made it a debit not a credit....lololololol - just need a few more cosmic clashes and my life will improve, so my astroleger tells me mmmm yeah rite!!!!

Have decided to go out a bit more have had enuf of being at home and sulking.....actually I don't sulk I just move furniture and clean every surface until it shines and bake cookies and cakes with 'splenda' as I'm diabetic - so no pavlova with cream for me on a daily, monthly or annual basis (except when I cheat) - by the way I have lost nearly 21 kilos in 4 months - this is a wonderous thing, no clothing fits but can always take it in eh? ....Oh that reminds me I'm off to the annual Tongan Feast at the church I belong to (it will be my 15th year) and that is always a wonderful eating experience....they certainly know how to do a feast and their food is fantastic - elastic waisted skirt that day of course, goes without saying......

I will talk tonight about a couple of issues in the news this week - firstly about the horrific sinking of the ferry in Tonga - this is unacceptable, lives lost because of mis-management of ? or did I get this wrong - I'll await the outcome of any inquiry trusting that the information is forthcoming and not hushed up. My local Tongan friends here in New Zealand I give you my love and feel for all of you at this time of loss. This should not have happened but as we all know things sometimes are out of our control and awful tragedys happen and the loss of even one life is one too many in my view.

Secondly, the revamp of a tax system has been muted in the news today - wow do we think this might happen....NO I don't, but then who am I? .....but then hell hasn't frozen over yet, has it? so I am not waiting holding my breath.

Thirdly and last of all, noises about changing costs/costings etc. for consumers of power....power is so expensive and this would be helpful to many many New Zealanders if they do take it down sufficiently - now I'm asking for half what we pay now....mmmmmmmm think this might be a little out there - probably as they muted tonight only probably a saving of $100 a year - yeah rite!!!! I pay thousands for power literally and $100 omg, what wallies - where is Wally by the way? Anyone seen him lately? Still have my son's Where's Wally books maybe I should look in their for new pricing of power from the providers in N.Z. - am I really that sceptical - yes I am......hehehehehehe Come on Parliament make them give us cost effective power and not to make millions off our backs...cause that is what they are doing now - I am paying so much that those who have their fingers in the trough can drive Mercedes/BMW's and those 0000 cars.... enuf said here methinks........

I couldn't sleep so decided that I would write a little blog and then try again....for sleep that is - except these always seem to make me wake up so will do some more cleaning, washing and not use my phones - mind you its 3.15 a.m. in the morning but I will be using more power, POWER, POWER - that I can't afford.!!!!!

Still awaiting the letter from the Auckland District Health Board advising me of my operation - its been a couple of months now since I saw both doctors - still no time/date and I do have cancer guys, can we please push this along - probably too many flu ill peeps for me to get my operation, except the cancer kind of gets into your head and you are inclined to obcess on it and you get into a pretty bad place and you can't get out....so I will call them tomorrow from my neighbours phone and see what, where and when?????

On that lovely note lolololol I will leave you all and hope and trust that they keep the ISP on for another few days until I can organise to win Lotto.....

nite nite all

Cheers from Robyn

.......take care you lot and look after your fellow man - please

What is your risk? RESPIRAGENE (TM) A Gene Based Test for Your Sesceptability to Lung Cancer

2009-08-05T02:10:00.000-07:00

Well everyone I have my DNA results........

I do have the gene - and it has taken me a couple of days to get over the surprise I felt finding this out.....I wasn't upset as such, just surprised and disappointed have been not so cavalier since I heard the news and also blogged about my children and had the ire of my daughter's significant other via email today, but so be it.......sent him a reply he won't like lolololol but I'm sorry I meant every word, dude (maybe that was a gut reaction, who knows)!!!

It is inevitable that I will get Lung Cancer if I stay on my current smoking path.....now this is a shock!

I felt up until now unable to self destruct, but know I actually know that I can.....well this is a bit of an awakening for me and I am taking it on board and doing the best I can to come to a good decision and therefore a potential good outcome....its f...ki..g hard though....I'm 59 about to turn 60 in a few weeks and I did want to make older bones.....if I stop smoking now - well I will possibly make the older age group - if I don't maybe not such a great outcome.....and this I HAVE CONTROL OVER.....yes I actually do!!!!!!!!!!! my little grey cells have gone into hyperdrive and I'm still thinking hard on what to do....BUT - it is very simple I STOP SMOKING....but how, how, how and when and why and all the shiiiiiit that goes with this - have I got the bottle to do it? Do I have the guts to quit and stop smoking for the rest of my life ( I have used it as such a crutch and think its my only one....lol don't like booze and other substances....so its cold turkey for me ) how deluded I am....hey I'm human and have frailities and sometimes find the hard yards just that HARD......like us all. I now have the information so now I can make an informed decision, yeah rite! now I just have to DO IT....YES DO IT S T O P the smoking, just stop it!!!!!!!

Okay some ideas here peeps - what do I do instead of it, indeed do I need to do anything or do I just bite the bullet? Please some feedback required here - I am alone in this and know I have to make the decision but.....yes but, its not that easy I'm finding it hard and I'm also very sad and want to quit - maybe a path to the hypnotherapist and take the patches and do the drill....it will work, I have to be positive.

I am going to type up for you some of the items on the score sheet and then a blog about the most recent update on the research plus type a sheet I got with the results.....

RESPIRAGENE*

Thank you for your interest in the Respiragene test.

The lung cancer risk test (Respiragene), identifies smokers and ex smokers at greatest risk of getting lung cancer compared to the average smoker. This test has been developed by comparing genetic and clinical factors between people who have smoked a minimum of 20 cigarettes per day for 20 years and who have either been diagnosed with lung cancer or who have been shown to have no evidence of significant lung damage.

The Respiragene test is a test of susceptibility or risk of future lung cancer and on this basis is not a diagnostic test. This test is most appropriate for chronic smokers (current and/or ex smokers). The Respiragene test is not recommended for life long non smokers or people considering taking up smoking.

The cost of the test in New Zealand is (XXXXXXXXX) For further information we recommend you visit the website http://www.synergenz.com

If you would like to purchase this test, please provide your mailing address and a Respiragene kit will be mailed to you. You will be required to complete the enclosed Respiragene request form and return it with your swabs and payment before testing will be completed. Please discuss with your GP if this test is suitable for you.

Note: peeps - blocked out the cost for those of you who are not in New Zealand but will say here that it has been made extremely inexpensive for us locals and can be taken via New Zealand but the cost is sorted per individuals country of origin. Please remember that this test here in New Zealand is in my view much more clincially relevant and it is far more precise than those available currently overseas it is far more accurate - take note of this guys.........

My score sheet has.....(OMG)!

Lung Cancer susceptibility score: Robyn Berry-Luke

Lung cancer risk score HIGH RISK (4-5)

Your score when aged >60: VERY HIGH RISK (6 plus)

In addition to smoking, the risk of lung cancer is further increased by

genetic factors
how much you smoked
age
COPD

Respiragene Test* identifies those at greatest risk based on the above factors.

Life-long Smoker - has on average a 1 in 10 (10%) lifetime chance of getting lung cancer.

Non-smoker - has on average a 1 in 200 (0.5%) lifetime chance of getting lung cancer.

Then there is a graph in the middle within which I have a green luminescent star at high risk and a bubble in red that goes upwards in the 6 or more area - very high risk........I can't scan this to put in here but will when I finally get the equipment necessary up and running I will put it in here for you all to see......

Now for the update:

Respiragene (TM) Research Update

Prepared by Dr Robert Young

Chief Scientific Officer - Synergenz BioScience Ltd.
Associate Professor of Medicine and Molecular Medicine
School of Biological Sciences, University of Auckland

Summary

A recently published study by independent researchers from the NIH (Sanderson, et al, Cancer Epidemilogy, Biomarkers & Prevention)[1] has highlighted current smokers' interest in, and responsiveness to, genetic information allows them to better understand their personal risk of developing lung cancer. The study also found that such knowledge of "increased lung cancer risk my increase uptake of effective smoking cessation services". The study surveyed a relatively small group of people (N=44) and it used a single genetic marker that provides relatively weak association with disease. However, I believe it strongly supports our views that smokers are interested in [2], and benefit from, taking gene-based risk tests for lung cancer [3]. Equally, the study found that no patient harm was identified from the testing process.

Abstract: http://cebp.aacrjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/1055-9965.EPI-08-0520v1

The findings of this study support those of a previously published randomised control trial using the same gene based risk test for lung cancer susceptibility (CM McBride et al, 2002), where smoking quit rates were imporved by 1.5-2 fold in those getting the genetic test in addition to a counselling based programme [3].

Emerging Trend

The Sanderson study is consistent with a strengthening trend in the scientific literature in this field. A brief summary of the scientific literature to date includes the following points.

1. Between 80%-90% of smokers are interested in knowing their genetic predisposition for lung cancer (Ostroff and Sanderson ahve both showed this)
2. Fear of lung cancer is the most cited reason smokers quit [4].
3. Despite the well publicised link between smoking and lung cancer, over 50% of smokers do not think they are personally at risk of lung cancer.
4. Smokers taking genetic risks tests for lung cancer are not de-motivated from trying to quit (this article [1] and work we have submitted for publication confirms this). To date, dta shows that testing improves motivation to quit.
5. The significant drop in smoking prevalence in the 1960s followed widely published links between smoking and lung cancer (long before public health) measure were instituted) and the recent drop in coronary mortality has come, to a large degree, from widespread uptake of individualised coronary heart risk assessment and risk reduction with effective treatments.

These conclusions come from published research and should counter the views, primarily taken by non-smokers, that people smoking today are (a.) not interested in learning their personal risk or (b.) not able to be helped through the personalised engagement and treatment approaches prompted by Respiragene (TM) (which are comparable to those that have helped reduce heart disease mortality). Put simply, until governments ban or regulate the sales of tobacco, public health measures alone will not be sufficient to change the attitudes of smokers today - something new is needed to augment existing public health messages.

While non-smokers believe lung cancer is due to smoking, they don't know that they carry 'lung cancer' related genes that are never "expressed" or realised in the absence of smoking exposure. Smokers, on the other thand understand that genetic factors largely explain why only 10%-15% of smokers get lung cancer. This highlights the point that smokers actually understand gene-environment risks better than non-smokers (see Ostroff comments in linked article:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090630132003.htm)

My comment: "The view depends on which window you're looking out from".

Now I am going to stop typing here and put the rest of the update later or tomorrow I will try and scan it as its a table and its a bugger to type......but can do it.....only trouble is I read as I type and the subject matter has gotten to me big time.....hehehhee

See you all later

I know, I know - I have made my decision, but I now have to implement it.......lololol

Nite all....

...

SOMETHING DIFFERENT yes I want to do something different

2009-08-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

Hello peeps, I have been resting on my hands and not doing a lot of anything really so I felt it only right to do a blog about nothing.....just like Seinfeld's tv shows about nothing.....yes I remember them - do you?

I am also experiencing a keyboard with attitude tonight and so I am typing fast and not really taking much care with my fingers - they will do the talking and walking for me - lol

Later on today I am going to see the people who took my DNA tests for the lung cancer gene and I will let you all know what they have found out...its only a week so I'm impressed - lets hope I am still impressed later on today eh?

I'm eating mexican dip I made yesterday so its hot and spicy and I do so enjoy food like that - I have a Tex Mex cook book and adore to eat any food, well I just like food - all shapes and sizes but especially Mexican and spicy food. I have been doing a little bit of baking lately and this helps me to relax....also eat the stuff I cook so the waist line is expanding and contracting depending on the food I've cooked/baked etc. which I am sure is everyones problemo...

Am going to update a few items that I have written about recently - now lets start with the Westpac bank - the Manager of Ponsonby before she left wrote to VISA and advised that I am bankrupt - this was a special notice to them so they have cancelled my Visa DEBIT card....evidently they had to as it is their policy....now I find that unusual (NOT) as it is a DEBIT card and uses my own money only so I'm not allowed to have one after using mine for quite a while - this has made me reevaluate the Westpac yet again and as I went to them only because of their DEBIT card (my bank at the time didn't have one and wasn't going to) I left them and went to this Westpac branch, how stupid was I.....of course the regular payments I had made recently on this DEBIT card have now faltered so the bank yet again has cocked up my life on many levels, I am sick and tired of their attitude and the stupidity of the woman who did it....I would like to add here that she is evidently going into a service role OMG!!! how stupid is that she hasn't the balls nor the guts to be a good service person and I do have one great thing to crow about....she was moved on as the manager of my branch...whether this was because of me I don't care - she got the shove.......yipee!!!!! but a service positon - get a life Westpac and put her out to pasture she needs to have an adjustment mentally if she is to be nice to any customers, Oh maybe they are putting her there so she can be the biarch she is and lose them even more customers....maybe that is their ploy.....lololol

So rock on my new bank....yes I have moved and won't say who they are as its a secret.....hehehehehe

Westpac as soon as I can I'm off, you guys suck....big time!!!!!!!! and I can't see you changing any time soon your publicity lately on the t.v. has been abismal as well so maybe an adjustment for you all is a good idea.....hehehehehehe I can't buy anyting now on the net - so suck up Westpac and keep a very close eye on your newest service person to see how many people she ruins per day................should be a great total

LOL

yep its good to blow hot air - I enjoy it a lot - I also don't like bank policy about those of us who fall on hard ground and there will be many of us in the next few months and years will show....so peeps watch your backs with your banks and ensure they have policies that are manageable and maybe client orientated (said with tongue in cheque) lol

Now I'm going to talk about my children.....came back in tonight date 30th October 2009 - will blog again soon but have been recouperating and have just here taken out an offending paragraph on my amazing children I was blowing smoke or should I say hot air......needed to take this para out I was upset and cranky - so its now been deleted.......hehehe

Now I'm sad and tired and don't want to blog anymore tonight....lol

I decided the other day to pick up my game with regards to my blogging, but I've been so unwell with the Whooping Cough, but I'm on the last couple of weeks of that so I'm going to try and blog every day and pick on some nice things to talk about....now about nice things

Today I went and saw a funny and cute race with guys and dolls dressed up in all sorts of clothing and high heels, a local watering hole had a set of races today of people in high heels....now of course many of the guys dressed in drag which is usually the case when something like this is put out there......msny men seem to enjoy getting dressed up as women might with other guys and make it a bit of a thing to do this......yeah rite! Except they always look so tranny like and not female at all...but then they didn't care today and made for great tv - think they are going to be on the fund raising Telethon next week here in NZ and should be a great laugh...hope they made lots of money. The guys ran like the wind but the only mishaps were women who ran and fell over - one totally took a header on the ground and I totally felt her pain....think she may have ended up with a bruise or two but at the time she jumped up and looked ever so not hurt.... but I think she may have been.....what is that old saying - Oh yes - pride feels no pain.....well she will be in pain tonight, poor girl.

On this note I will leave you for another few days.....I'm taking it easy and my brain is going to need lots of stimuli to improve its mind set of bad temper and bad manners....I certainly need an adjustment....probably a good thing to keep my head down and bowed until I stop coughing like a banshee and can breathe easily again....

Will let you all know the proceedure regarding the DNA later this week....

Hello and goodnight to you all...

Cheers

Robyn

....

BLOGGING its fun its futuristic its fantastic its .......

2009-07-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

Well peeps I have been too unwell to blog. What a statement! My Whooping cough is whooping me big time...I don't remember ever having anything so debalitating, but its mine and I own it and I will take the hard yards and move on...hehehehe

I have missed my blogging and I havn't had an opportunity to actually do anything much except heal my body and mind. It is interesting to find that a bug can make you totally nuts and sick at the same time. What a shitty thing to get at my age, or in fact any age, its a pandemic here and I'm totally sick of it. I have had it for over two and a half months and I have been told I've got a least another month to go...bugger!!!!!!!!!!

I have the Pelican Brief playing in the background and enjoying just sitting here at the computer and mucking about. Not much of a blog for you guys...I've been happy to just be quiet and even quieter except for my hacking cough and it didn't help any to look up the Mayo Clinic and find out all the ginny on the Whooping cough...it makes your chest and neck sore and I feel bad......poor lil ol me...moi is sick.....lol

Exciting times this a.m. went to see the peeps who found the genetic code for DNA and lung cancer I had my DNA test and the results will be forthcoming soonish....I find it interesting that I don't mind the outcome (mind you this is before I find out if I do have the gene) may be different if I do have it and that will be another ball game.....it was so easy and fast just a swab of each cheek and its done. Do feel that a good thing is about to be found out...I like positive information it gives you the wherewithall to make a decision. Now I am a smoker, a dedicated one, and I am wondering how I will actually feel about all this when I have the facts in hand. Maybe I won't be so cavalier when I know....time will tell.

Always have been a person who persues things and I also have been able to accept and acknowledge bad as well as good things in my life...maybe I am just stupid and don't react as I should but I take things on the chin and try and make the best of all situations and make an informed decision. So much for my truths - this past few weeks have been interstingly awful and I have reaccessed my bahaviour and demeanor and find that I actually am reasonably mature, in years as well as mind, and have a good healthy attitude towards most things. I trust I am open minded and do look at issues and my life openly. Others I have found do not.....

They are close minded and in total denial....this I find very sad and even older more mature friends of friends are still being denied a good and full life because of issues they do not deal with full on....they deny all sorts of small things and it looks to me that their lives are not good because of it. I am referring also to a phenomanon (sp) called lying by omission....this was to be a total blog but its depressing so its a para in this one..... OMISSION of the relevant literal facts and by not giving these the person hearing the story is unable to make an informed decision because the crux of the matter is not told....this is stupidity of the highest degree in my book...it is one thing to lie about a situation but its totally another not to give the correct facts to a friend, whomever, the information given is only part of the truth...this is just not on. I have been on the end of this a couple of times lately and it sucks.

Knowing the facts is important even if it isn't what you want to know or to hear but if someone wants your help its not a good idea not to let them know the entire story. People going off half cocked is wrong and its a silly and bad idea as friends and people become very upset when they find out the truth. I lost a new friend this week simply because he didn't tell me the entire truth of a matter that was important to me, this he knew and didn't give me the total truth...for this I am saddened and he no longer is going to be a friend. What he didn't tell me is irrelevant here for you peeps but for me it was an omission that could not be forgiven....and I'm not a hard head either...it wasn't nice....mmmmm give me the facts as I would give you and we can talk about the issue and work out a strategy to fix it....don't give me hot air and no facts I felt stupid and uninformed....something I don't care for at all....enuf said

Now an update on the insurance and drunks.......as I live in a Housing New Zealand home they are responsible for the maintenace of this premises and I cannot get the hole in the wall fixed, HNZ have to fix it for me and my Insurance Company will asssit me only if I am asked to pay for the damage the plumber/drunk/not a friend person did here....the blood on the coverings of the chairs they will fix,,,,,,omg, what a mess this guy should get a life and I'm now not a happy camper!!!! he will also be chased to pay for the damage etc. etc. what a messs.........yet another bungling human that won't accept his fate and acknowledge that he has a problem of a large magnitude that has affected his family and friends and acquaintences - me I have learnt a big lesson and won't be helping him or anyone like him for a long time...it is too hard and I don't need the grief.....drinking, drunks and damage just a big 'D' for dissappointment and disaster - wow I'm moving on at a great rate and leaving very little behind me now.......omg hehehehehe

Going to leave you all now and come back later to talk about anything as I'm not circulating around and can't be bothered to think deeply about my favourite topic the U.S. of A. which saddens me but I'm too bloody sick....I want this W C gone.......

Take care out there peeps and enjoy your lives and make a difference....will be talking about the new website for adopting service personnel and the Ball in November....see you all gain soon

Best regards

Robyn the cough.....!!!!!!!!!!

.....

YOSMITE, RENO, DONNER PASS, LAKE TAHOE, CALIFORNIA at its best

2009-07-16T05:40:00.000-07:00

Back again dudes....and dude'ess

I'm going to tell you a story of 1960 and 1961 in California and then we will move to Arizona, but first - wait there's more.....

I ate my first McDonalds in Los Angeles in 1961 (don't look this up..lol) I might be wrong but I remember it being a burger bar and certainly not the mega enterprise it is now - don't forget though this is many many years ago. I ate a quarter pounder with cheese and guess what I had today - a quarter pounder with cheese, fries and a diet coke....still tastes the same and I enjoy every single one I have ever eaten...they are kewl!!!!! I also ate McDonalds pancakes and syrup yesterday I'm going to be a big fat pig very soon, but I don't care....well yes I do actually, but I'm working it all off typing like the wind and moving my lips to the beat of my typing....I learnt to type by music wearing a bib...but I digress -

California is the most wonderful place - I will wax lyrical at this point - it is many countries wrapped into one - golden California though is the best way to describe it. The golden grass has a colour all its own it is muted but bright and Oh so lovely. It makes for a beautiful look and is a backdrop for a great State.

I think though there are some wonderful things that should be mentioned places that defy explanation. Donner Pass - now I was there when it was snowing and it was 4 feet of snow in the morning it was white, pristine and cold but refreshing and it was my first taste of snow. I have had many snowy experiences but this was my first and I went bezerk....totally bezerk!!!!!!!!!! lolololol

It was crisp and white and sounded like thunder when I walked and ran thruogh it....didn't know that the ground underneath was different heights but who cares at 9 years old...I just adored it. For those who do not know Donner Pass was the only Pass that those going to California (out West) were able to take their wagons over the Sierra Nevada...it is a very special place....

My mother's friends had driven us there and because of the snow we were unable to leave until the plough had been through. As it was a very very little place then (don't know about now) it took hours and hours so I just went blue and got very wet and didn't end up with a chill because I didn't stop....running, jumping, doing angels (before they were cool) and generally had a ball. We were staying in a motel...now let me tell you about American motels....

They all look the same, have the same signs (different names) but all the signs are noisy and crackle. This is a fact, no matter where you are in the U.S.A. the motel signs crackle, they burp and carry on something wicked....lol Also adding in here they used to smell the same, slightly tobaccoish with a slight smell of sweat..ewww I can remember all the motel rooms I have been in with the same bad wooden headboards and the fluffy counterpanes...not a good look, prefer now something along the lines of Hiltons...only

The motels themselves (and I have seen lots of movies with them featured since I was in my last American one) don't seem to have changed that much. They are maybe two storied - in my day they were only one story - and Holiday Inns were double storied...but they were the same no matter where we went.

This little journey covered the wonderful Lake Tahoe and Reno and Donner Pass plus I will tell you about staying in the old hotel at Yosmite Valley....what a place, first

In my minds eye the hotel was enormous with huge rooms and windows to dye for....the dining room was capable of seating I'm sure 500 people and it was totally full. There was a huge fireplace on one side made of stone (boulders I learn't 30 years later when I did interior desing (how posh is that...heheh) not really though) and the decor was certainly Native American with overtones of Spanish and French...but it worked - when you are nine it doesn't matter it just look f...ing good, huge and big with lots of brown and yellow and red, also leather furniture in the lobby big and bold stuff from memory......hehehehe

We ofcourse wern't told about the special effect that happened when it got dark as our friends wanted us to see for ourselves the awesome and wonderous event.....those of you who have seen what I am about the explain know how wonderous and astonishing it actually is......

Going for a coffee and a flex of the fingers....brb

An enormous fire is built on the top of an excruciatingly tall bulbous rock formation and this fire is tended all day to get it to the stage when it is blazing and they push it over the edge....well I can remember the goosebumps I got when I saw everyone stand up and look out the windows towards the spectacular fall of embers, fire and I imagine as it was so far away bloody big logs which were all on fire, but by the time they hit the valley (which is a considerable distance down) they I think are just ash....this spectacular event is every night and I heard from the friend of a friend who has recently been there that it still is performed....wow nice to think that there are some things that havn't changed over time.....thank God....!!!!!

This friend of a friend did also say that they stayed in a motel and that there were lots of buildings but when I was there I can only remember a camping site and the hotel...must have been eons ago that I was there - yeah rite!!!! I'm turning 60 soon and I can't believe it I'm still feeling about 12 years old, especially when I am typing in here and remembering the georgeous times I had. Yosmite Valley is a stop for EVERYONE - IT IS AWESOME - if you ever get the opportunity to go there stay in the hotel (if it still exists) must Google it - will do that after this blog - and drive along the Truckie River and - hang on - might be another river - might have that wrong...anyhoo - we did go for a walk the next morning but were told to keep to the road and not go off it....Now my mother is a hiker (sorri was) no longer on the planet, she is keeping me company like she does every night here on the computer but she is in a lovely wooden box and is ashes...now how creepy is that peeps?

Not creepy at all for me...she was my best friend and will be always. Must put her ashes in the golden and floral urn (Chinese ginger jar) that I purchased years ago...just can't seem to do that part....lol I opened a business a few years ago and took her out of my bedroom draw and she has been out ever since.....I put flowers and bows on her box and she joined in the party....I'm if nothing else happy to include everyone in my events and outings....lolololol p.s. she was in the kitchen on top of the microwave and nobody knew who/what she was....thank goodness - I'm known as excentric that might have been a little insane.....hehehehehe

I digress.....having a ciggy and a coffee and now going to gulp down a small bottle of diet coke, need the eenees....cafene, nikotene etc....to keep going......want to do a significant blog tonight.....

Well that was a little redundant...I had the coffee then the ciggy and ofcourse still have the Whooping Cough so coughed my guts up and now feel like I have had a total workout, but thats a good thing...lololol

Driving in California was kewl except that mum ended up screaming all the time and gasping furiously whilst Fred or Fran was driving as she was in the passenger seat in the Yanky car but it was a driving seat for her here in N.Z. this is awful I remember having to tell her on a number of occasions - yelling, I am good at that, move over we are on the wrong side of the road.....hehehe this I still remember when I go down a one way street.....yet again I digress!!!

Lake Tahoe was beautiful dark green and all the fir trees were lovely right down to the sides of the lake and you have to see this for yourselves green trees to the edge of a lake - just thought of Johnny Depp in Secret Window...don't know why but he lived in an area I think close to a lake and it reminded me of it.....Lake Tahoe that is....

Now for an exciting different area in California the Sequoia Park - home of the Redwood Trees.... (sp might be wrong) but at the pace I type I dont' give a shit...these trees are magnificant and reminded me of our Kauri Trees here in New Zealand, they are as old and huge...I mean HUGE, they can take a car through the middle and I've walked on top of one and walked underneath them and walked on the wonderful spongy ground around them with the needles and they smell good.....what is this tonight with me about smell......mmmmmm I know the black cat is still around and when I went out to do the shopping tonight at 10.30 p.m. he came in and sprayed....ewwww yucky little F...k..r???? My townhouse smelt like a sewer he has to go....and I mean Go Go GO GO GO....why hasn't that happened? Will check it out later today.....

I remembered I didn't finish about the Yosmite walk....now we didn't know that bears lived in this forest...lol and when we were about 500 yards from the entrance to the hotel a bear popped up about 50 feet away and our friends high tailed it back toward the hotel...now my mum (totally fearless) decided that a closer look would be a good idea, well thanks to another bear appearing and making a large screatching sound she changed her mind and walked briskly back to our friends who were hovvering behind a car...good idea I thought....and I still do, bears and I don't mix...will tell you the story of the pies soon.....

I'm actually tired and had enuf of my day its now 1.30 a.m. and I'm going to bed....nite all

Wish you every single one of you a fantastic day today whereever you are in the world and I wish for no more killing or deaths its got to stop.....

p.s. adoptaussolder.org is to be looked at peeps and a service personnel person to be adopted please...they do fantastic work and I'm going to help make up another site....just you wait and see....hehehehelolololol

Will give you the ginny soon....

nite nite xxxxxx000000

.....

SOMETHING'S AFOOT.......what is it?

2009-07-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back.....thought I had totally lost the plot.....its been a few weeks of ups and downs but overall amazing and wonderful.

My positive attitude has come through and I only lost my sense of humor twice so I'm proud of me, yeah rite!!! No I am actually proud of what I have been asked to do with these blogs and flattered and totally blown away - it I forgot comes with a down side but now I trust I have a handle on it, I've had tons of coffee and cake and re-thought out my lifes plan.

Every now and then its a wise move to reevaluate where you are, what you are doing and where you want to end up...... I want to end up a happy old lady with lots of friends and have achieved at least a couple of very positive and miraculous things...this I have already done I have two wonderful children and friends who are kewl and so great I can't explain how they have supported me through my dark days and through my brilliant ideas and all the shit stuff I have done over the past 20 years.....to you all I say thank you and give you the biggest hug ever!!!!!!!

It pays to know your foibles and to adjust every now and then so that you can improve your life, improve your mentality, improve your circumstances and improve everyone you touch either physically or mentally or metaphysically....its a good thing to reevaluate and rethink your life - but sometimes it happens whether you have control or not.

I have experienced a lot of stuff recently that wasn't of my own doing but then I also have to admit that most of it comes to you to deal with and issues did get a little out of control and I didn't cope well with some things and others I excelled at...so its always swings and round a bouts throughout your life.

Its so nice to feel better in my heart and soul. I am pleased I took time off to break the pattern I had formed. This pattern we all have and its I think positive to change YES, C H A N G E, your way of thought if it isn't getting you to where you need to go.

As I said above, something's afoot, yep I've got a couple of irons in the fire and I now have two wonderful and like minded people who are working with me to achieve a goal....this goal we don't know what it is but we are working hard and fast and furious and finally maybe we will be able to have all those things we don't have...some things we dont need, but some essential things are necessary for survival. Example - food, petrol, cat/dog food (they will I'm sure wait for me to fall asleep and start eating me if I don't have sufficient food for them) and I don't blame them.....I'm their care provider and I f...ked up a few times over the past weeks and I'm sorry that I didn't take more care of myself and them.

My new peeps are old friends who have nothing better to do than give me time and effort 0 yes I'm blowing smoke up a bottom 0 but they are keen to assist and I'm not saying no.....I've said no so many times to offers of help that it has become second nature to automatically say no 0 that isn't good so enuf of that,,,,,its now yes please and more of that with bells on.....lololololol

Now I am going to relate a story of harship and stupidity only its real and did happen....its not pretty and I make a rider here...only read this if you have a strong stomach and can take stupidity in your face..........

I have a friend (he was a plumber with a business and family - but not any longer all has gone) who has gone off the rails and is an alcholic and has been drinking for years. He started out with wine and has progressed on to.......wait for it!

He discharged himself from the hospital A & E and taxied to my house at 8.30 p.m. the other night. He arrived walked up the stairs and OMG his face was swolen and his body was emaciated...he looked terrible I couldn't believe how sick he looked from the last time I had seen him about 10 days ago. In those 10 days he had been in the cop shop 3/4 times they had taken his keys and he had also fallen over and been into hospital a couple of times. This is fairly unusual behaviour for him - he had just had 90 days in a drying out facility and they had told him he had a month out before he went in for another 90 days......this I feel is stupid but I will move on.....

He was so sick that he couldn't stand up properly he kept falling over into walls and furniture - I finally got him to sit down and he basically lied through his teeth about why he was with me and why he needed me....now I'm not that young - lololol I'm cynical and old and know body language and his demeanour was really not in keeping with his speech...he was muffled and almost punch drunk - he ofcourse had rung me from the hospital and asked to come here he didn't tell me that he had asked the taxi guy to pass by a drinking hole (in this case the local dairy who also sells booze) he had a couple of bottles of something - I wasn't actually going ask as he smelt like a brewery when he came in......so -

I fed him food hot drinks and a litre of ginger beer...he was feeling sleepy so I told him to go into the spare room and sleep....so far so good

He was from time to time for the first two hours a little bolshie and got upset when I told him that his body language was all wrong with what he was telling me but he eventually calmed down when I explained what I thought had happened and I was more on the nail than he had anticipated so he had to tell me the truth and we moved on......he went to sleep and I started my work...this was at 11 p.m. so I got a few hours on Twitter and answered my emails etc. etc. was thinking of doing a blog but not in the right frame of mind he had undermined my confidence for that (this is another blog entirely).....

I finally went to my bed at about 3.30 a.m. as you do....and fell into a stupor about 10 minutes into my sleep there was a bloody great crashing sound and I went out and he had fallen down the stairs he said he was going to the downstairs loo as he didn't like the one up there and stupid, silly me believed him.....now this goes to my vulnerability with people...I expect them to tell me the truth - how fu...ked it that.....they often don't and in this instance I wish I had been more on the ball........why?

Well he was sneaking down into my laundry beside the downstairs loo and helping himself to ........

He had $10 cash and I went out at 8.30 a.m. to buy bread and eggs and was gone about half an hour...he was sleeping at this stage I just looked in the door and saw him sound asleep so I thought all was well - my God was I wrong!!!!!

On the way back from the dairy I quickly went into a friends house and must have known to ask her son to come back with me for some toast and coffee...thank all the Gods we did

I had made toast and tomato for us and some coffee and we heard him getting up but there was a lot of noise and I asked my friend to go to the bottom of the stairs and wait for him (the boozer) to come down....he came down alright took a header off the top step from upstairs and landed head first into the wall on the landing - the noise was awful and I ran from the kitchen to see him prostrate on the gound in a heap....now me being me just screamed out...STAY PUT...dON'T MOVE....no he didn't take any notice and he is too big to subdue so we stayed at the bottom of the steps and he lunged down the next 7 to us fell into the wall and he was ofcourse bleeding from a couple of cuts on his head (new ones just done) and he had opened the two on his nose from the days before....so blood and a lurcing guy...his colour was blue so I immediately thought heart.....he was semi-conscious at this point to I yelled again sit down....this he did and fell into my lounge chair in a foetel position this is a good thing.....so J and I looked at each other and I went over and took his pulse...it was eratic and he was at this point very very unwell....I was concerned so turned around the picked up the phone and called 111......called an ambulance....they were as usual great and arrived within 5 minutes - my lethargic semi conscious alcholic friend (no longer a friend) was able to answer the young man's question - what have you taken...NOW we get to the bit that I feel awful about-it wasn't my fault but I am to blame....except I hadn't known it was happening.

During the night he had been coming down into the laundry and swigging on a bottle of meths....now this bottle was under the sink at the back of the cupboard and he would have had to have hunted for it...there was also a bottle of turps, thank Christ he didn't drink that one or he would have died.....yes died.....f me....!!!!!

He had drunk 750 mills at least of meths....NOW WHAT DO YOU DO WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS....that is unacceptable behaviour, but why do I feel guilty - guess why I should have remembered it was under there....I put all my meds away (just in case) and I don't have booze on the premises so that wasn't an issue....but I do feel guilty as I didn't think to put these items away.....the ambulance driver and side kick called a second ambulance and all four took over half an hour to get him sorted and taken off to the hospital.....OMG

Now for the best part.....he turned up here at 5.30 p.m. in a taxi unannounced he had left here in the ambulance at 11 a.m. and chirpy (maybe not so much) but willing to stay again...now this time I lost the plot marched him out by the scruff of the neck and as the taxi was still waiting told him in no uncertain terms to stay away and not bother coming back...now he was/is a nice bloke but he said about four times I love you Robyn I need you Robyn and the more he went on the less likely I was to ever see him again.....his behaviour to me is awful it is also avoidable but I do understand that he is in a position of must have, now now now,,,I'm like that with my cigs so I know a little about the motivational inspirations to make you create and manifest the item you so desire.......

This has taught me a very big lesson....this guy has a protection order placed by his parents and/or the police not to go to their house which is where he was living he is too disruptive and I don't know what went down I don't need to know but he didn't tell me this his mother did....now this guy is 55 years old and has an ex family and ex girlfriends and ex everyone....except his mates who enable him....but even they are I would imagine at the end of their tethers.....this guy (S) rang me thismorning asking to come back...now I just laughed and told him to be here would be $3,000-00 a day just like the Betty Ford clinic......needless to say havn't heard from him all of today.........

end of story.....sad but true - yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm now going for a coffee and then coming back and have a blog all worked out about 1960 through 1962 U.S.A.

See you soon....

.......

p.s. forgot did you know that the Mental Health area doesn't look after drunks they only look after mental health persons and he ofcourse hasn't been assessed to see if there is a difficulty...why don't they all hold hands and help people - I'm not sure but I think drinking meths (first time for him evidently) was a cry for help...well in my book anyway......also I am left with blood all over the chair, a pissed single bed and a hole in the wall the size of a bucket - where his head went through......I also have insurance and it only covers the wall...the rest isn't able to be fixed by them as he is an adult and he did it whilst under the influence...who knew????? so I'm out $200 and he wasn't here all that long...f.....me!! hehehehe (actually its not funny) I'm pissed, pardon the pun.

..

The POWER 2 b Kind or Cruel - you choose

2009-07-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

Well I was going to stop these blogs but I feel that I need to finish all that has happened to me recently and get it off my chest, so to speak........

Firstly I have been personally threatened and this has caused my considerable grief emotionally and to that person I will always be actually grateful - they have given me a new and wider perspective and have made me rethink all I am about.....you are a shit but a good shit.....and I am happy that I posted your last email in here in my blog - you deserve to be outed.

I have just eaten the most delicious food and I thank God in heaven that I was able to purchase it with my own money....LOL The Banking Institutions need a big wake up call and I trust that with my conversation over 1 hour with the Advocacy Team today from 8.30 a.m......you will as an employer of this Manager amend the thinking of a mature silly women who is in a position to know better but used her power and personal issue with me to make my life miserable....yet again....to this women I say - get a life - learn from your mistakes and don't do it again....You are in a position of power, albeit small, but your impact on me has been considerable and unnerving to say the least.

Little did you know that your actions were impacing so much that I have been physically unwell thanks to you and your antics....this will now stop...you will be repremanded I hope, and you won't do it again to anyone else. I have balls, thank goodness I do, otherwise I may have done something stupid and worse case senario harmed myself or others, so be aware of what you say and do peeps it has a lot of 'impact' on other people. Do not use your influence in a bad way it only comes back as Karma and bites you in the bum, big time.

Now I have just heard from my wayward friend the 'alcholic' who evdidently has been arrested twice and also in hospital, now his actions are impacting on his life and not in a good way...... I feel sorry for him, his addictions are getting the better of him and his life is suffering because of it....Oh how I wish I could wave a magic wand and stop all this stupidity....but no - on reflection I don't think I will it is all put out there for us to cope or not cope and maybe its a learning curve that we need to process in our lives to move up, onwards and beyond ourselves.

On this note I will finish these stupid and silly blogs about other people influencing my life I am the person who organises my destiny and I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY LIFE AND I AM MOVING ON AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT OTHERS (actually I do) but for this blog I am only thinking of myself and how I can survive.

I await replies to all my complaints you guys are aware of who you are and trust that the etheric will ensure that the outcomes are favourable to me....but if they arn't so be it!!!!I'll just have another go at you from a different angle (yeah rite!).....

Have a nice a productive day peeps

Will be back in a couple of hours or days don't know at this point am going to lick my wounds and replenish my soul and body.............

Thank you for taking the time to read this drivvle.....and I hope and pray that sometimes it may give you the power to help yourself (as nobody else really can)....

Cheers

Love to the entire world and especially our troups who are fighting the good fight and I give a shout out to China and wish for no more death in the persuit of freedoms.....

...

What to Do??????

2009-07-07T23:06:00.000-07:00

Yet another interesting and informative day.....why Oh why am I under the hot spot light?

I have been successful I asked Work and Income for $30-00 for food and they very nicely obliged so my staff are now purring and talking with me again....lololololol

I'm sitting here doing this wee blog now as I'm out to the Comedy Club tonight and am going to let my hair down....now there isn't a lot of hair and its white and its cut very short but I'm letting it DOWN>>>>>>>>big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I promise not to have any alchol (can't even spell it) and I promisde to be agood girl but I don't promise to be quiet nor do I promise to not dance, or not talk or not say it how it is............

Now I'm going to add into this blog (don't know if it will work) an email I received today from a disgruntled Trade Me trader who really told me off.. it was a rude awakening and I sent the email to Trade Me and they flummixed about about it....so no joy there....think I will actually persue it as over the past couple of days I am really sick of people handing up on me and generally disrespecting me.....I do what I do - don't take me to task for it....please peeps........lolololololol

I feel like a basket ball (my head that is) I am a turtle who puts her head out and then some bugger hits it with a baseball bat....well thats how I feel.....hehehehe

Body of copy of email.........

ewwwwwwwwwww

from my email addy (by the way anyone is able to email me I do read them....) obamablogger@xtra.co.nz

Seek help, you are menatlly ill. Fancy actually thinking anyone is going to believe the lies about you being contacted by Obama, or that you talk to his wife Michelle on the phone. The delusions of gradour you spout, are codswhollop. Your nothing more then a sad old woman who lives in a make believe world, because you cannot face your reality.
If you wernt so sad, youd be funny.
As for your twoddle about the Commerce Commissioner, be my guest. You have bad debt all over the place. Do you really think that anyone with an once of itellegence believes you. Anyone who is nuts enough to try and get a loan with no security and says that being Obamas blogger should be enough, is truely out to lunch.
Your obviously so sick in the head you spout this bullshit all over the city.
Your nothing but a liar and a user.
As for Trademe, you dont have a clue. I have a direct 0800 line to TM because of my trading record. Something you will never have. TM have a full record of what went on, including all your emails and IP address.
As for all the other insults you fired at me, heres the truth.
I dont need to lie about myself to try and impress people, nor do I con people, nor do I dodge personal responsility, nor do I not pay what I owe. Your level of false self importance, is blown out of all proportion to cover a very inscure, miserable woman.
Get help, ring the mental health line.

enuf said...................................

Little did she think that I would put this in here and actually I feel it tells us volums about peoples mentality.....mine excluded ofcourse.

Now I'm going out so will leave you here to ponder the above and please comment......

Will update the evening when I get home..

ciao

......

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.lololololololol

After a night of fun and frivolity - yeah rite!!!! I'm home, I'm tired and I'm grumpy.....so will go to bed and then know I will wake up early a.m. probably about 3 or 4 a.m. and off the pay everyone I owe...have envelopes up and ready...lolololololol

cheers to you all

Will write a proper blog tomorrow, but before I go I would like to say thank you so much to Jude who gave me her old desk top computer - on which I am typing now - and I gave her my lappy.....we both got what we needed. I now have a keyboard that rocks.....its old its something I'm used to and am typing like the wind.....Oh yes I have that as well...toooo much curry for dinner hehehehehehe

Thursday at 7.15 a.m. Well this is just another update on my life...lolololol

I went up to get some food and petrol at 6 a.m. today and my eftpos card wouldn't work...now I being me thought that the banking facilities were down, but no...guess what??????? The Westpac had put a hold on my account so the money that came in today from Work and Income is now at their disposal and I can't use it...I am diabetic do they now realise without food I will die? Naw they don't care...they have policies they can implement at a drop of a hat and impact on an individual to this extent that I am crying at my computer, hungry and thank God for yesterday my cats and dog have food......do I eat that? I have a loaf of bread and some milk so I suppose you can't say I am totally out of food. My blood sugar levels are now high because of this additional stres....okay okay okay I am to eat crow...okay okay okay I am to die?.....ok ok ok I actually probably should put here that I won't give up but tell you what...its f....g hard to have a moment when I don't actually feel put upon and totally not in control of my life.

Waht do they think they are playing at? I undersood that money from WINZ wasn't about to be touched as it was living expenses and any other difficulties you might have with a bank were separate - what a dicky bird I am...dumb, dumb and dumber....

Will let you know during the day if I have any joy.....my netwook is tapped out and I don't have anything or anyone to call upon..................sad eh?

All is right with the world a very nice woman at the Westpac gave me $166 of my $266 in credit and so I have food, drink and petrol.......lololololol am going into Twitter now for a bit or R & R.......yes I am!

...
cheers all

No more blogs about depressive stuff I've had enuf.....going to be on the USA in the 1960's for a few days peeps.......

.
Quick update its now Friday and I have spent over an hour on the phone to the Westpac bank - their ban on my a/c was still on and they okayed me to have my money from the account - so I now have cash in my bag to pay bills.....wow

I also have left all of this with the Westpac Advocacy Team and they are coming back to me with a resolution/solution....lets hope all is well on Monday or next week and I can maybe breathe a sigh of relief....(am holding my breath at the moment still - hehehehehe) as I have said before Don't Give Up, but I do understand if you do its bloody and bloody hard to keep fighting against all the odds and against a brick wall......today I spoke to reasonable people within the Westpac Banking system and they are a much better reflection of this institution........

.
I'm leaving the typing and spelling mistakes in here can't be bothered changing them....lolololol

' HOW DO WE SPELL EXPERIENCE - M.I.S.T.A.K.E.S '

XX 2 U ALL

' DIGNITY IN DEATH ' Meteoric Michael Joseph Jackson RIP

2009-07-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

I am currently watching the memorial service for Michael Jackson the words and sentiments are amazing he is/was the best at what he did...he changed lives he was a shining light a consumate performer and simple wonderful boy/man who made us think, love and dance and sing....

Michael you have over the years helped me to overcome some dark and dreadful times your music has inspired me as an individual for this I can just say Thank YOU you are my hero I will miss you.

In death you finally got dignity and I am grateful for the wonderous music you have written and sung to us, for us and we needed you. We will miss you Michael

You and I had something in common we both have a favourite song "Smile" from the movie Modern Times in 1936 and I feel that Brooke Shields words were heartfelt and I am so pleased to know that you giggled and smiled and did have some happy days in your life.

Your children have a long life ahead of them and I wish them peace, love and to listen to your music and survive the loss of their father by listending to your wonderful words not just written for us all but for them and for everyone in the world.

We all need the positive reinforcemnt from your music to be inspired by you Michael and thank you for being just being you.....my love to you and your family always.

You are positively no longer the King of Pop you are totally Meteoric Michael.

My love and condolences at this time.

Robyn Berry-Luke
Auckland, New Zealand

.....RIP Michael Joseph Jackson June 25th 2009 until..................forever!

UNDER THE RADAR...I talk, I tweet, I tell it like it is....they hang up!!!!

2009-07-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

Well what a few days.....I thought that I maybe had come to the end of my trials and tribulations but No......

Today I am going to talk about Angles and Demons...

Angels = :)

Demons = (:

Then there are the PHAT people, you know who you are - those of you who hung up your phones on me, disrespected me verbally and generally didn't believe me - mind you its a heady mix to get around - and people think it is about ME (moi) but it actually isnt. It is about all of those in the world who don't get a voice and cannot verbally ask for or get what they NEED, now I am saying N E E D here. This can be as small as a service help or assitance on any level...Those of us who are verbal sometimes get different and varying results from our speaking out.....

These folliowing 'shout outs' are for all who might be under pressure and need change in their lives....(I know I f....g well need change - sooner than later) and here I would like to say thanks to all who have come on board with me and are hanging on the coat tails of this very special man I blog for.......after me - I have first dibs on his coat tails......lolololol

Westpac (:, BNZ (:, Telecom :) (they are upgraded) Vodafone (:, Jim's Mowing (:, Markams :), 2 degrees (:, Rachael at BNZ :), Josh at BNZ(:, Kim at Westpac (:, actually I've had enuf of this.....wlll just write about them.....

Now I am currently insolvent (Bankrups) for those of you out there who are pedantic...lol The Official Assignee's office has said that I am allowed to take out a loan to help my circumstances and they were alright with me donig what I am doing....who knew!!! I am ever so grateful for this okay from them except.......

Banks have policies that are outdated and outmoded and give those of us with a black background no way JOSE are they going to on any level assit us to better ourselves...now I feel personally that this is a reflection of an outdated and outmoded system that is a DINOSAUR - it needs adressing YESTERDAY and I am thank God able to understand where they are coming from (even though I am bashing my head against a brick wall every day because of them) but suffice to say that even after talking with the Banking Asst. Ombudsman (person) they can't even assist me....mmmmmm this is starting to get a little bit out there peeps.................

All I want is an overdraft for $2,000-00 to pay off debts that will mean that I don't loose all my cash from my account (this means I don't eat or feed my staff - they will mutiny if they don't eat) so it is rather important that someone hears me....Well they do, at the call centre the young person will understand and quite often they know about my blogging - which may I say here isn't a THREAT to anyone its just my life out there for all to see........

Today I asked a lovely young lady to email Ponsonby BNZ about me...this got lost - I assume so when I walked into the bank I smiled at one of their personal bankers he smiled back at me - so you guys no the drill, he got me...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Josh, you were very polite but I am so sorry that you don't have internet at your house and didn't know what a blog was, didn't understand my reason for opening an account back with you guys - all I got was I had to pay what I owed you $242-43 before you would even consider opening my accounts....now this money would have been written off by them ages ago...(probably last year) and he told me that as I was bankrups I couldn't open an account with them unless this money was paid and then they would seee........seee.......seee..................f me days!

He had gone to the duty manager who didn't even want to discuss any of this - so my old service provider the BNZ (: (: (: give a person a break I was with you for years and years and went bankrupt whilst a customer of yours - lets not go into what they did then though>>>>>>>>- but I only left them because I needed a debit card and the Westpac were willing to take me on...omg !!!! at the time.

Now when you are a beneficiary you cannot not have a banking account they only bank the benefit into one...you can't go and get cash etc. BANKS are holding us by the short and cirly hairs and I don't like it......they also cancel accounts when you are bankrupt - doesn't matter if you have $ or $1,0000000000 - they are bastards...so how do we get around this?

I would like suggestions about this from you guys - mmmmmmmmmmm??????? please give me feedback - have any of you experienced this outdated system?

Kim (: Westpac you were positively rude to me I had to ask you to change your voice your demeanour was condesending you were telling me transaction by transaction my banking history and I'm sorry I know what I've done I Know were I am I Know how much I owe you guys (negative $20.33) so don't tell me my history. Now we got off to a bad start - I wasn't sitting in the chair I was supposed to be waiting in...I was off talking with the two tellers who I know and have a great rapor with......she came out of her office looked aroung and was walking back in......thank God (or maybe not) I saw this and quicly went over to her and we went into her office....now for me it is really nice to talk with a human ( I know I spend far too much time in this puter ) for that I'm not unhappy but I really do not like being looked up and down and then spoken to like you did......I being me, mmmmmm did say that your tone was unacceptable so you markedly changed it but at that point you also lost interest and any feeling or assistance towards me....YOU TOOK IT PERSONALLY - YOUR PARTING SHOT TO ME WAS MAYBE IF YOU SIT DONW (at this point I had gotten up and was leaving - totally disappointed - AND I CAN SEE IF I CAN ORGANISE A SOLUTION TO WHAT YOU NEED - BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS...................... well Kim, I don't know what I need, this is a very new medium for me and I don't think I fit into your C R I T E R I A.......I am out of the box SO HEAVEN HELP ME.............................

They are coming back to be at the end of the day (not before?) to see if they can assist me....well I've moved on, but I suppose I will have to eat crow like with Telecom (now guys you have been upgraded and I'm working on solutions and recommendations to get us back into a nice place) lolololiol but at least you are willing to adjust your thinking to my way...........

Am I asking for too much? Never before in the world has there been an Obama blogger and there are now two of us.................Mr President on behalf of all in the world who are surpressed I aplaud your thinking and if I can keep my balls strong maybe we can change some attitudes and get to move on.......

President Obama News: The Reality Of Green Jobs

2009-07-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

President Obama News: The Reality Of Green Jobs

NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF ALL INVENTIONS...............

2009-07-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

Just spent the last five minutes using my cut and paste options...had a ball but far too much stuff came up in here for you guys, suffice to say read the article on ACC changes for new cars, now I have to think about finding a newer car as the current one's registration was done creatively (currently at Baycorp...lol) as I wrote a cheque to obtain the Registration for insurance purposes....only lololololol Now endeavouring to pay it off a bit at a time...see inventive!!!!! Now it was the fault of the person putting in the banking if they had been one or two minutes either side they would have been paid...yeah rite! There is always money in my checking account except not necessarily at the time the check goes in....hehehhehe its a Lottery for us all especially my bank who's bots in the computer see me coming and cringe...lolololol

Mother, mother, fkkr! - how on earth did I learn how to do these (silly, stupid,creative,idiotic,inventive) things to move onwards in my life. I am if nothing else a productive member of society with lots of ideas on how to move forward.....yeah rite! One step forward eight (yes 8) steps back......hehehehehe I grapple with conundrums every day on all sorts of levels this world is certainly out to make me into a creative and inventive person. I have to ebb and flow all day and now ofcourse for Mr President, all night......(that I certainly don't mind doing)

It is the most amazing feeling to have been asked to do this blogging...I do not ever remember being so chuffed and so into anything - head first - in my ENTIRE LIFE......at this level and with the wonderous things I am reading and the computing I am doing as I go along....now this computing as I go is difficult - every now and then this poor wee puter overheats - it is only a $599 lappy but its my hold on the world. It runs so slowing that often I can go and clean a floor or do the washing or have a dance or whatever - while it is loading. I often over the past few days have noticed that my temper level is rising....

I want to do so much and the puter says HOLD on old lady just you wait 4 me.....OMG I get so frustraited and hence the slamming down of the lappy top a couple of days ago...this I regret as I loosened a couple of keys and have had to blutack them back on......lololololol won't do that again. Now I just leap up from my chair and punch immaginary air bags and stamp my feet and do a few one handed elbow lifts (not) so I will be as fit as Demi Moore was in GI Jane any day soon.....................hehehe

Mr President you have given me a new lease of life and something to actually achieve and truely enjoy....thank you Sir x (now I'm also polite) this politeness I say - could be something that heaps of peeps should look up. Boy are you lot our there nasty and generally not very nice. It comes up in all sorts of ways but mostly on the phone...its that tone again....they use their brains (NOT) and just let it flow....well in most cases this is unacceptable to me....maybe I am old fashioned but I actually like discorse without shit...and I mean stuff that doesn't need to me said or a tone implemented....this is more and more out there - service providers take note - we are not going to put up with it anymore...Your companies are going to be made or broken on your staff - PLEASE TRAIN THEM - their jobs are only as good as they are and your company is as only good as your STAFF....Get It????? Tell them to leave their home life at the door of their work - I was told this 50 years ago and I use it every day...so should you!

Now this blog was going to be about Chivalry - an amazing and wonderful thing which is sorely lacking in today's society. I am always grateful and say thank you to anyone who is chivalrous to me - there was a very nice gentleman earlier tonight who kept a door open for me and you know who you are?????? and I was impressed. Will hopefully be able to talk about you in here and promote what you do....which guys is very very interesting.

Talking about people I have met - well the gates have opened and I have met the most incredible people during the past few weeks - enuf is enuf - you keep coming to me and talking (mind you I butt in and ask interrogating questions of everyone - including my cats and dog!!) but I thank the Universe for bringing you all to me and my blogs....it is awesome!!!!!! must find another word....naw 'awsome' fits the bill......lololol hehehehehe

How do you feel about a cocktail party once a month. I want to network and I want to talk with everyone everyone and I means everyone you give me the inspiration for my blogs and boy do I need InSpIrAtoN SOME DAYS....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These blogs don't just happen a niggle starts and then maybe a thought then the heading (byline hehehe) then it just happens....wow thank you to all our there who assist me - must have a couple of Angels (actually wrote angles _ LOL) fraudian slip.....added to my parking one. Yes my parking Angel is awesome he/she organised parking everywhere I went this week and every preceeding week right OUT SIDE where I want to go... Now this might not happen in New York or London or Paris but thank God I'm in New Zealand there is still plenty of parking available. Also I do have a disability sticker - this will be an entire blog. I think that people who hold Disability Cards should be given a book to write down number plates of those who park in a Disability Car Park and DON'T have a sticker - then you go home and upload their number and they get a $5,000-00 fine...yeah rite!!!!!! but a fine of some sort.....I also only suffer from some disabilities which allow me to function much better than some out there so I do defer my parking in a disability slot to anyone who is more infirmed than me - I believe that we have to give others due consideration and this I do always - its just programmed into me...as it should be into you guys, but isn't.

Can feel a blog coming about manners, ethics etc. to touch on these subjects again - reinforcement for you out there who are careless and uncaring of your fellow man.......got that off my chest, now

I'm going to clean my kitchen floor I dropped an entire bowl of popcorn on it whilst I was loading up this file - so I'm off are you to?

Enjoying Twitter a shout out should go to them - in there everyone is actually very polite and I enjoy the banter and the comments and make lots of my own...its total FUN - check it out

Nite nite
its now 4.39 a.m. here

Cheers to you all

Comment and soon you will be able to call me free via iGoogle to talk OmG I wish you luck...I can bloody well talk heaps...

..........

Smokes yep in the house wrote a cheque for one of the guys at the petrol station and he paid cash into their till for two packets - kewl dude

....xxxxxxx00000000

INDEPENDENCE DAY 2009 - we get to celebrate a day early

2009-07-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

Independence, Liberty and Justice - they waiver daily in my world the only independence I have is my thoughts and emotions everything else is constrained by others. My body by my doctors, my physical being by the bank and money, my family (who actually are not very nice to me) don't care for me on any level (sad indication of todays world) and generally I'm under pressure from all sides to survive.

Why is this?

Has it always been this way? Are we going to be under 'a gun' always? What can we do to achieve fullfillment and independence. I am so sad about others who during their lifetimes will never even know the independence I have. I am able to stear my own ship but often because of circumstances it has to encounter waves and tsunamis of gigantioun proportions.

Today Americans around the world get to celebrate an amazing ideaology - freedom of speech, freedom of will, freedom of personal being and the freedom to achieve liberty and justice. What a heady cocktail. I celebrate with you and trust that the future will be more of good things and we can all move onto a better and free world. This is taking lives, effort beyong our imaginations and human sacrifices that are unable to be comprehended by most of us. Mr President I give you all my trust to take us from this evil and give us the strength of will to cope and live productive and successful lives. This is a biggy for any one individual to have on their coat tail and I wish you every success even the smallest most insignificant will help us all....thank you

Enough of the weeping Robyn,,,,,,,,,,it is a celebration after all. To my American friends have a great day (today here) and tomorrow our time in the U.S.A. have lots of potato salad, burgers, hot dogs, lemonade and banana cream pie for me ..... please you put on the weight and I'll enjoy the sensations. I know there is a party or two today and I wish I could be at every single one of them........lololololol Rock on a Southern Comfort and diet coke in my case just the Diet Coke but enjoy your freedoms and liberties and keep your goals and dreams for your futures.

Okay this should be fast from here, I've run out of cigarettes - thank you John for the packet last night (you know who you are xxxx) and I will be out scrounging for more after this blog is finished.

I am going to touch on networks - mine is really great considering the effort I have put in to achieve it, yesterday a friend of mine and I were talking about her network which has changed because of moving house. This is often the case if we change our areas and the places we know well out goes the network. Hers included the local dairy (for cigs, bread and cat food) when things were tough - there are a considerable percentage of us out there - those of you who breeze into the dairy throw down your cash and collect you goods and run quickly I envy you.......so many of us don't actually know where our next mouthfull of food is coming from. This is scary and unacceptable on so many levels but it is an actual fact!

I am in a negative with the bank as I had to ask for $20-00 overdraft for a couple of days and for this priviledge they charged me $70-00 so to pay the $10-00 company registration of a name and $10-00 registration of that name via my debit card over the internet has caused me heaps of grief. My benefit went in and all the automatic payments have gone out but lolololol no money for food. Now I work on the principal that it will come in (I think I might just be insane but I dont' care) the etheric and general universe hopefully will give me the opportunity to a. be creative b. find $100 buck note on the sidewalk c. tickle up a friend/network for cigs and cat food and don't laugh toilet paper. Another friend here in my close (townhouses) is as badly off as I am but she kindly gave me cat food last night and two bog roll....thanks 'J' by bum and cats thank you...hehehhehe

As usual my week has been up and down and aroundabout.....when do you think I will be able to rest? I also feel guilty about a friends project that I promised to talk about in here but I have been so tired and actually sad that I went to bed at 9 last night and woke up at 5 today, its now 8 a.m. and I still have a head and shoulders gnawing at me they feel like they have an elastic band tightening as I type...its not a good feeling I assure you - my Tongan friend has the same physical traits as I do we get so tired that we cannot actually keep our eyes open being a physical impossibility, your body tries to rest but we just won't let it. I sit and physically force my teeth together and wake up - if we eat we become so tired we are wobbly - this is abject tiredness and I know intimately how soldiers feel it is perverse and mind blowing how you can bring yourself out of being tired and into an awake mode. Adrenelin is the key but I'm waiting for the day when my friend and I both cark it....sleep standing up in the Supermarket not knowing where we are.........lolololol My friend and I work this hard simply because there isn't an alternative at this point. She does a Herald run so gets up at 3.30 a.m. and does that then comes home and feeds everyone their breakfast then takes her youngest to school (next week holidays yeee haaa) then comes home and sorts out the washing, cleaning and food then maybe gets a nap of say 2 hours and then up and about again....this is a six out of seven day process - nobody else can do it...this is for money to eat and pay the power and live.....why the F is it so hard? Is there not a break anywhere? Are we doing it to ourselves? NO we have circumstances beyond our control - YES O U R CONTROL....they are outside influences that dominate and dictate our lives - no independence not able to take off time for ourselves nor sleep nor be able to go shopping without a war effort....now I mean war as in sorting out how much money what food is requried (now we are talking only basics) no steak for us...lolololol DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR US other than these stupid idiotic outside influences we are actually relative happy. Its just our physical bodies need food and water and warmth and a roof over our heads....not a lot really and I do I admit transfer my thoughts to those who don't have any of these things so I feel better. We survive but at a very very low level. I'm not saying that those who have money should use it for others - that isn't what we want - we are working hard to achieve our own destinys and its just speed bumps along the way that keep us under their thumbs.....

We don't like hand outs - they make us feel shitty and unworthy - we do all between ourselves share what we have in a universal way - if I have shoes that a friend could use I give, if she has a top I might light she gives to me. etc. etc. etc. On the food front I always try and give actual food and they do the same for me.....its a green dollar exchange with no recriminations and noone feels (well I hope they don't) that we are being condesending of each other...........thank God we do have one another!!!!

CHANGING THE SUBJECT; have to .............lolololol

Now for something really special I know of a young man who has worked so hard to achieve a fantastic dream and goal. He took over the reigns from his father so this is another generation moving forward with an original dream.

There is a beautiful significant yacht just gone into the viaduct harbor here in Auckland it is 70 feet long of hard labour, hard work physically and mentally, great expectations, dreams fulfilled, amazing workmanship, creativity and anything else you would like to put here.....______________________________________ add it in.....

"The Haparanda" a yacht that is loved and will be here for generations to come...its story is of gigantioun proportions look it up on the net (thank god for this internet) and appreciate the wonder that it is....

I was pushed onto it I suffer from vetigo so steeping onto a yacht means I might as well be stepping of the side of Boulder Dam with out a parachute...but a nice young man pushed my arse firmly and with gusto so I popped onto the deck....what a sight this must have been - an old lady being shoved up onto a deck of a yacht.

At least I knew not to wear high heels and in another blog I must, yes I will actually give a list of yacht and boat protocols that so many don't know and wouldn't care about except the owner of the boat can do without any heel marks on the wooden decking and also black bottomed shoe marks etc. etc. etc. also it goes to following that you don't lean off or over etc. you just might fall off and drown...bad ending!!!!!!!!!to an outing. This might would flippent it isn't meant to be as so many people die by drowing and don't have the forsight nor the forthought nor the lifejacket that would have saved their and other people lives.

This boat is to dye for....I want it,,,,,,I want to spend time on her,,,,,I want to eat cake and drink John's special Aloe Vera (wonderful taste) specaial concoction he makes up I want to sail around the harbour and islands and I want to dove off into the warm waters for a swim...now don't you peeps laugh I can actually swim like a fish - when I was 100 pounds heavier I might have sunk like a stone but at the moment my weight is better and I have more energy so I should cope well..............see you in the summer in my one piece shiny purple halter neck ruffled swim suit. (picture that and have a hard drive break down...) lolololololol

I give a total 'shout out' to John and The Haparanda - all of you have to hire her out and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going on the hunt for cigs. While I type my blogs smoking isn't necessary in fact I abstain as I need both hands for typing and they are just a comfort in the ashtray and ofcourse become ash quickly...I wonder actually how many I smoke totally (probably not that many) I just increase the ash of the world markedly each day........take this and put it in your pipe and smoke it........cheers all

ciao

......
Have a great Independence Day 2009

"A" TANTRUM, positive, negative, healthy, cathartic, bloody minddness, filthy temper, WHAT?? IS IT??

2009-07-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

I have just had a tantrum a total paddy and shut the lid on my lappy with gusto (I mean gusto) oppss.....sorri hope I can get this blog out and didn't irrevocably damage you....xxxx mum love you didn't mean it my sweet puter.....xxxxxxxxxx000000000

NOW I am totally pissed off I just wrote two paragraphs and the system stuck again...all day I have been experiencing Windows Internet Explorer (NOT Running) eighteen (ocd you count stuff all sorts - its fun) times today also I lost the writing I had done because up Yet AGAIN came a box about the blood f...king Windows one care window telling me that it needed to clean off Trojan Downunder a worm, which I actioned days ago note: isn't Trojan Downunder a condom? opps has Microsoft One Care been trying to remove a packet of condoms from my puter????? interesting concept - only reason I'm frustrated with this particular issue is that I have seen this window come up at least 50 times in the past two days I clicked on it to go - I mean go go go away - so what did it do it lost me all the body of my typed copy so the lead is not fotally fifferent and I'm frontal fobally fmarting. so 'f' off won't you?

My day has been, if nothing else, interesting long and some of it was sad, some of it was funny and some ofcourse with my time of trial just bloody........

I changed the system over to Mozzilla Firefox (I have had to learn how to manouvre inside this lappy cause no other stupid c......t would be willing to do all the hard yards I have put in conservately 20 hours of upgrade shit in here from all the progammes I must upgrade into the survive this blogging and I'm talking in this week only so far..... SO - now do I have a cleaner (know not greener)? NAW ITS ABSOLUTELY GONG BEZERK out of control yes totally out of, MOI, control.

Over the top of the new browser they are coming in thick and fast progams are being recommended all by themselves......Please Please can I have an eta on when this silly stuff will - end end end end end. Resolution to these issues are not beeing solved at all let alone fixed to my satisfaction...............American Green Card Lotters etc. S T O P coming in. A sidebar - I was norty I signed up in the Green Card Lottery yesterday and then forgot I had done it, well last night at about 8 pm the phone rang and it was a young man (hispanic accent) calling from Huston, Texas (yup U.S.A.) telling me that I was eligible for the lottery - I laughed so much he got quite a fright poor young man and I had to advise him that if anyone could make me an American Citizen (with the wave of a wand) it would be my blogging boss....but didn't tell him who you were Barak (Sir I wouldn't dream of it)! I don't believe in using names to get what I need/want, adore and wish to be...no I wouldn't....hehe

State of the play with regard to the auckland city counil (no capital letters for them they havnt earnt letters in capitals from me) I was dowloading the Adobe flash player like a good little power blogger that I am because all these new websits say I don't have it the keep asking and asking, asking mmm mmmmm mmmmmmm just jumped awake now I'm NOT CORRESPONDING..must have gone somewhere whilst I was typing I just woke up with a start I had fallen asleep at the puter face on keyboard think I'm a little 'out' of it.....opppps now is this Trojan Downunder worm going to be like the black cat....guess what he isn't seen at all during the day but his silly owner from number 14 unit lets him out at night after 1 am so we still all cop the little black person from 1 a.m. onwards - shout out???????? Housing New Zealand What the F...why is he still able to get out and come into our houses and S P R A Y STILL? He was here today again at 3 and also just now.....hence the mention, please do something about this its five and a half years and my girls are sick of being incarcerated inside...now I left the lock off last night and back inside he came Mr Health Minister you said it was at your desk has it gotten lost in the paperwork or is getting rid of a smelly tom cat out of my house and everyone others here in Freemans Bay just not able to be achieved? In other words no legal way to get him G O N E just doctor the poor wee guy its not his fault I don't want him dead (well I wouldn't say that in here) not PC....please can we have a resolution to this issue in a forseeable future? thank you x Now I didn't loose my thread back the the a.c.c. they have sent me back my ticket for $150 to be paid within 30 days they didn't read the writing in big print on the bottom of the page I sent back so I now am going into their website and try and see if there is an excuse button(probably not) but I do actually have a good excuse moving over into another lane to lean into my glovebox to get out two jelly beans to me isn't pulling up and parking and causing a bus us my arse...!!!!! oi get a life I'm not going to pay this fine be aware (now she is only bluffing because if I dont pay it and I try to leave the country our laws will stop me at the airport) you owe Govt. money in fines you don't leave until its paid - they take credit cards as well I hear Oh I'm totally screwed then no Air Force One for me then........norty girl!

Back after a sleep in my lounge chair got a considerable amount really its now 3.30am and I did go to sleep at about 9.30 last night albeit on the puter keyboard (didn't I feel like a cake when I woke up..on the puter keyboard) ...wow I'm healthy again and no longer tired (NOT) ! feel ready to actually write down a few we bits of knowledge and as I have a plethoria of this I'm off............here we go:

I promised someone yesterday morning that I would write a blog about them and I apologise John my day turned to custard and with the funeral running late it was a nightmare my apologies....I will add you in here now at the end of this blog but will update in an entire blog when I have found out how to put on pictures as the world and all the 3 peeps who read this need to see what an amazing and awesome project you have completed...I am proud of you. x ( now just cause he's young and cute this kiss x is not meant other than - you put in the correct type here (__) here).....lolololololol (grubby ol wimin keep away)!!!!!!!! hehehehehe

My friends mother's funderal was sedate and very old fashioned which was sweet and so in keeping with the woman who had passed away. I do like it when the funeral is calm and you get an opportunity to actually say goodbye and best wishes to the departed. Now to lighten this up (cause I cry all through every funeral I have ever attended my entire life even watching one on t.v. does it) I apologise Helga the snot running down my face was removed by your eldest son's additional hanky, good man he listened to you when he was young and always has two hankies (all men should have this) so he helped me out.

The flowers were spring flowers and looked wonderful, I did take a photo but it would be inappropriate to show everyone, but they were stunning and it has been years since I have been able to smell flowers they must have picked them out especially heaps of lovely spring flowers with roses that smelt like a dream....now for the light bits:

I did a car pool I collected a mutual friend in Henderson (25km. away) then came back into town and picked up my best friend in all the world - should out to Olivia xxx000 (don't forget we are doing shopping today at noon at the new Chinese market - soo cheep got to buy there with our budgets) from Grey Lynn and then the trio of crones (I din't say that) went to the crematorium in Remuera. Everyone looked smart and well dressed and the programme was lovely the sun was shinging and you had a great send off Helga - be with your ancestors my Matron and get them all organised to ensure that your cups of tea are hot and in the right style of cup and in a teapot. Olivia is Tongan so she to mark respect for our friend Barbara wore traditional dress and took a death tapa which was 18 feet by 9 feet long for Barbara as a gift (part of their Tongan culture) and the tapa was laid under the coffin, it looked wonderful and so festive (even though it was especially painted for a funeral) and I know that Helga would have enjoyed seeing how pretty her cofin, the spring flowers and the tapa looked. Enough I'm weeping....................stop you silly woman! Robyn get it together enough is enough!

When we had eaten and drunk our after match (sorri Helga) function we walked back to the car, now we are all mature women and needed to go to the loo... Well typical we walk 200 yards (and back 200 years) the door to the ladies toilet was locked...omg So me being me made a quick decision that we would find another loo. Now in Auckland toilts are few and far between, public ones that is, don't think they know that some of us just don't make it home.....literally( another full blog ) we drove like mad things - into town and went to my fav venue to utilize their service area. This we did with gusto but both my friends were so overwhelmed as this toilet is soooo kewl and trendy they had never seen in their entire lives antying so different and such fun...fancy waxing lyrical about a loo...well its true it is so nice and every whim is catered for (one thing toilets of this magnitude overseas when I was young - don't know about now, used to be manned by a little ol crone dressed in black with hand towels and toilet paper and etc. (ladies bits) and you paid her a wee fee to obain her serives. Must mention here that if you didn't give them a tip they usually but a hex on you whilst you were peeing Im sure they did...eewww!!!! they were some piece of work. Didn't have this where we went today and Luke don't offer me the job I will decline you by hexxing you ......

This toilet (my last words on it) is nicer than 89% of ones in our houses and he really chose well its just awsome and the toilet paper isn't is a unobtainable box and it isn't metal infused paper...thank you three very happy and contented women left the building.......lolololololol

I'm hungry and going to eat something, check the sugar level and then back for you guys out there more to be said...feeling verbose today.....

brb

Barrng accidents of typing fast and hitting the wrong button if I stick to this keyboard with cream on my face I am a total cake......

....enjoy!

COMEDY IN OUR 'JEANS'

2009-07-01T05:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a special treat I went out to a comedy night...well it didn't start out like that but it ended up with me in stitches laughing so hard that my stomach hurt...now what a difference it makes to how I feel.....

Peeps all of you out there should go to a live comedy night at least once a week (okay lets be realistic - something I'm not...lollololol) well at least once a month...this is THERAPUTIC, ENJOYABLE AND TOTALLY ENTHRALLING - ofcourse it does depend on the comic who is giving their monologue and takes and realisations on the world it most often isn't about them but others and their antics....

Tonight - wow I am feeling so stoked and pumped now writing this blog I feel rejuvinated and at peace with myself for the first time in weeks....I thoroughly enjoyed myself to the point that I am giddy with fun jokes running through my head.

These comedy nights have been running for over 3 months at Sale St. and I must admit I wasn't all that keen to go - I had almost attended one about a fortnight ago but chickened out - lol mainly the $15 fee (remember the financial empire I run....eh?) but tonight I had decided to treat myself to a little bit of dinner and then come home to organise (I know not what) but that was the plan.

I arrived and noticed not long after I got there a young man with a wollen hat pulled down over this head and his ears...now he was walking about with a cell phone at his ear and I noticed how animated he was and how happy he looked....after the usualy s...t day I had had (well it actually wasn't that bad.....I digress!!!!) he was what is known as a site for sore eyes.

I was chomping on down on my steak and chips (something they don't have on the menu I specifically asked the kitchen to do this for me) and he was making me feel like I should smile at him....given my interrogation mentality this manifests itself in all sorts of ways...I think I would (NOT) like to see myself when I have my 'game' face on...must be pretty damn ??????? he had noticed me and slightly nodded his head towards me...now it doesn't take much for me to pounce...and this I did with gusto..................hehehehehe

Okay guess who?????? He looks a little like Jeremy Piven crossed with Bruce Willis but in a much more debonaire way to either of these actors (sorri guys) and generally quite cute....(Oh take this ol lady out and put her in a pasture)>>>>>>>

Now sometimes when I approach people they back up - don't know why - anyhow he didn't he moved a step forward, now in body language this means that he has balls and gutz and generally could take on elephants (just like me) and isn't afraid to be forthcoming.

A huge shout out to Brendhan Lovegrove a comic of a magnitude not seen by me for many years....consumate and fast whitted almost kept up with me (sori Brendhan I'm still your better (mmmmm crawling out the door) Yeah Rite!!!!!

We got to talking as you do and it transpired that he had organised the comedy night and that he was getting ready to greet the other two comedians and they were all going to put on a show for about 2.5 hours...omg I thought fancy that long in a small room with 3 comics...omg omg omg

Was I pleasantly surprised - I finished my dinner had a coffee and slowly walked down to the Comedy Lounge (in the back private bar at Sale St.) what a room - an interesting shape - check it out peeps its kewl - and chairs were set up in rows etc. etc. When I went in the door there were about 5 people milling around which wern't that many....enyhooo!!! eventually the lounge was full and everyone was screaming with laughter....Boy oh Boy the three of them were AWESOME - as I said I havn't laughed so much in years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let it be said that I am not a quiet meek person - that aside - I do enjoy whit and banter and havn't had an opportunity to heckle for years....I used to be an exquisit heckler at Bullfights in Spain (that was a century ago) can hear Brendhan having a go about this one....bring it on dude! I just visualised you as a bullfighter in very tight pants with a funny hat and a big red lined cape - beat that one! hahahahahaha see you never know what an older woman is thinking now do you Brendhan? You helped me over a very big hump tonight and I say thank you personally for your support and consumate comedy banter - come get some lessons from the godess on how to maybe just maybe get the better of me....heheheheh (you wish)!

I ensured that I sat at the bar at the back of the first set of seats so I was mid room....this I did as I also needed to be able to get to the doors to go to the loo if my bladder backfired...which it did twice....lolololololol

The sets tonight were Brendhan Lovegrove then Justine Smith and then Simon McKinney - well I never - be damned and anything you like to place in here (__________________________________) they were so funny I am now typing wearing a belt to keep my waist from hurting....I laughed so much. I wasn't the only one the entire room was crying from laughing one after the other jokes and jokes and more laughing and the odd sweet wee heckle from me being such the lady I am......enuf said!

M E A N D A T L E A S T 75 P E E P S H A D A N A B S O L U T E B A L L

Oh I could cuddle all three at the same time (don't think anything of this peeps - get those thoughts and dump them) they made my year from today onwards a new era arises thanks to a f...k...g great night of comedy. Now just to make you go and see them for yourselves I am going to stop here...not going to tell you one joke nor am I going to tell you what was so wonderful or amazing - see for yourselves. So there

THE SALE ST. COMEDY LOUNGE - WEDNESDAY 8th JULY - COME AND MEET ME AND CHECK IT OUT I'M THERE WITH BELLS ON hey the guy from The Conchords will be there doing a monologue ------ whoooo I'm in.....

.....xxxx to the three tonight

"ODE TO OBAMA"

2009-06-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

C H A N G E

Changes never before seen in our world need addressing now Mr President

Heartfelt knowlege that you possess is being used for motiviation to change

Admiration for your consumate use of power not being judgemental and aware of our needs

Now we can wait and watch you work your miracles to change the world into a better place for us to live

Get up and go never before seen in a President

Everything our world needs in a great package of knowledge and harmony metered out with kindness and thought

Thank you Barak Obama for being the right man for the job at hand, change is so needed now for our society to survive we require a leader of your standard to take us into the next phase.......

My best wishes to you and your family

Kind regards

Your Magic Blogger

Robyn Berry-Luke
Auckland, New Zealand

......"the right man for the right job"

GENETIC PRE DISPOSITION TO LUNG CANCER

2009-06-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

Tonigh I had a telephone call from Auckland Hospital with an AMAZING new Respitory Genetic questionaire...... I am totally blown away (pardon the pun).....hehehehe

Raewyn asked me numerous questions all of which I was so pleased to answer and hear, they are covering an area that has been in desparate need of a big and I mean big TWEET peeps..... Doctor Robert Young a General Surgeon and Respitory Geneticist..(sp) is conducting a new survey on genetics and smoking....what a blast I am as I said totally blown away (no pun intended).....

One of the questions was: Would I be prepared to take a genetic test to see if I was likely to have the gene that would give me Lung Cancer? -- my answer in a heartbeat was YES - I would and from this I deem that maybe the world is finally going to find OUT IF WE CAN SMOKE - SOME OF US ONLY - AND NOT NECESSARILY HAVE A PRE DISPOSITION TO LUNG CANCER , COPD, EMPHASEMA ETC......

ROCK ON WITH THIS TEST......YES I feel everyone should be able to have it, I do know that it is already available from Australia for $50 NZ but I havn't had the money to have it done... They send a swab from inside your mouth to Brisbane in Australia and your genetic code is analysed - mmmmmm what a call

IRONY, IRONIC....OMG OMG OMG

S.M.O.K.E. - maybe we can come out of the closet and maybe the Tobacco Companies (this is my tweet on them) could start to stop S T O P putting in the toxic chemicals into the tobacco - there are Gods in the heavens shining down on me now...and hopefully on an entire generation now and those to come in the future......WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raewyn and I discussed and I answered questions on things like why I smoke...what does it do for me....etc.etc.

The questionaire was explicit and had a good bite to it with a lot of depth I want to thank the person who wrote it - it was AWESOME covered all the gremlins that I have about my own smoking kewl and I am sure will go to assist many new young people who will start smoking no matter WHAT information or advertising or ASH does out there...........

I am about to Google Dr Robert Young (now ofcourse here I have to mention that this name brought back memories like you wouldn't believe) the actor Robert Young was my mothers favourite actor she adored him and ofcourse he was the consumate doctor on television for many many years in America......you look it up peeps???????

Put in the following for Google (I'm not going to list the sites they are many and various) but will tweet a couple of them onto Twitter I put in

"young,robert,doctor/medicine/genetics/newzealand/genes got a plethora of answers with heaps of articles and information that is WONDERFUL..... been reading for over an hour and am wrapped with his work and I again can say I am blessed to have been chosen to participate.........

Bloody Hell - I feel like the dog in the tv advert that misses the back of the truck and says "BUGGER" will find out a link to this advert it is a classic.......

c u all again soon

xxxxx00000

...........AMAZING, WONDERFUL, AWESOME, FANTASTIC, INCREDIBLE, MMMMMMMMMMM

Quick update.....S.M.O.K.E. have 9 left and its 6.17 a.m.

2009-06-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

Just read the news Bernie Depoff (nice man that he was, yeah rite!) got 150 years from the Judge in New York....there is a man (The Judge) willing to give out justice at a level that needs to be achieved and he did it.....150 years suck that up Bernie ...... pleased to see you got what you deserve, also what about your wife? don't tell me she didn't know about all this shite and the kids....hahahahahaha pull the other leg off - I only need one!

Oh to the Gods....the leg thing maybe shouldn't have been put in print...lets hope all is well with both my legs today..

Also just re read my blog on critical mass.....yes I was asleep in my chair but must tell you all I was sitting at the computer asleep when the "black" cat woke me up...half way through the blog...I'm sooo tired

Morning all.

Off to Tweet....its a fantastic way to communicate I totally enjoy tweeting and those of you who scoff - get a life learn to talk in 140 characters and move on I did, you need to as well...........................................

Valcro my dog peep just barked at me and I knew what she wanted have just walked upstairs with her and put her into my bed with the hot blanket I lay down before but couldn't sleep have taken a second pill now so am logging off......both physically and metaphorically....hehehehehe She has saved my life so have my cat peeps they kept me going when no one else did I had to feed them and correspondently myself as being diabetic means I do have to eat - the pills were so supressive and my unworthy thoughts would always abate as my peeps would need me....I love them with all my heart and am so grateful to them for being in my life...they are nicer to me than my own kids...thats a tell

I buried my Henrietta of 21 years 18 months ago and I have had Valcro for 14 years she was born 20th December 1995 - we have birthday wishes when they have their birthdays as its a pleasure for me to acknowledge their being my friends and confidants and my peeps that kept me from commiting suicide - yep thats right they did....thank God or who knows what the world would have done without me.....now that I am such a super blogger and amazing person of note, noteriety more like - yeah rite!!!!!!!!!!!!

.....

cheers, Robyn

Update - Telecom New Zealand

2009-06-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

Forgot and too tired to add this into an edit so made a new blog......

At exactly 9 a.m. today Monday (sori now Tuesday) yesterday at 9 a.m. on the dot a young lady phoned me from Telecom New Zealand (funny that!!!!) her name was Miriam from the Business Division and she told me some bad news...she was very apologetic on behalf of her company (Telecom New Zealand) and informed me that I couldn't get an 0900 number from them for overseas AS THEIR SYSTEMS DON'T CATER FOR THIS - my God shouldn't they have a service for those of us who don't want to put paypal up nor a credit service....well no they couldn't assist me....

Pondering here - think they should make provision for being in the world....having services that people require to survive in the world....OH well...off I go looking for an alternative.

They were supposed to call me back about whether or not I get a new phone and T stick they went off the check with Telecom's credit department if I can have them....didn't call me back and I'm disinclined to call them today to find out....F U ..... K THEM - they didn't even call back - see he promised (this wasn't Miriam's dept) and didn't follow through...........see what I mean

So I await their pleasure

At the mercy of another institution yet again

You would hope and trust that a monolithic dinosaur and a virtual monopoly holder would have services to cater for todays world and the internet market but no they don't.......monopolies suck we need more providers here in New Zealand we ARE part of the world and need to talk with others besides just ourselves......Yes change needs to happen SOONNER than LATER

WELL I HAVE THE GINNY NOW - O.M.G.!!!!!! I HAVE TO MAKE AN UP FRONT PAYMENT OF $150-00 SO THAT MY ACCOUNT IS IN CREDIT BY $75 BEFORE THEY WILL AGREE TO LETTING ME HAVE MY PHONE AND T STICK......THIS IS BECAUSE OF MY CURRENT INSOLVENCY ACCORDING TO KATE IN THE CREDIT DEPARTMENT JUST 5 MINUTES AGO AT 8.40 A.M. WHAT WANKERS THEY ARE - NO WAY JOSE THEY ARE FOR THE HIGH JUMP I'M OFF TO ANOTHER PROVIDER AFTER 100 YEARS WITH THIS PLACE my entire family and all my peeps are moving - TELECOM YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR POLICIES TO KEEP UP WITH THE PLAY YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE GOBBLED UP BY MY BLOGGING.......EAT MY DIRT!!!!!!!!! hehehehehehlololololololololololol so no phone or T stick for me...Oh that smarts....not.....bloody Telecom New Zealand - YES THEY ARE BULLIES AND JUST PLAIN UNKIND PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT THEIR BLOODY MINDNESS' EFFECTS JUST MORE THAN ME....MR PRESIDENT I'M SORRY NO NEW PHONE TO CALL YOU ON...NOR DO I GET A T STICK TO BE ABLE TO USE MY LAPPY OUTSIDE AT A CAFE......apologies to you Sir on behalf of your Blogger here in Auckland, New Zealand....Robyn Berry-Luke http://presobamanews.blogspot.com/ or http://RobynBerryLuke.blogspot.com/

Telecom New Zealand maybe you need a Royal Commission to change your ways............

......

nite nite all this time I'm gone

CRITAL MASS FAILURE

2009-06-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

I have amazing recouperative powers or am I just INSANE?

Just watched Who's Line Is It Anyway and feel a hell of a lot better....moving on with my life today into what MOI knows not what...but bring it on.......

QUOTE:

John F. Kennedys said - Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly - well I must be going to be great...I fail constantly lolololol

I, moi, me -

enjoys comedy on television I have watched it since I was 8 years old and when I'm really getting out of it I just tune into something funny and I recover or should I say bounce back...I'm a constantly bouncing ball (maybe that is why I get headaches)mmmm (:

Jim Carey is so funny I loved his t.v. show with the blokes as friends none of whom could keep a relationship going and Jim's character was so kewl...and their boutique brewery.....wonder what the beer tasted like. Just watched a sketch by either Brad or Patrick, think it was Brad who had to play someone on a beach who was trying to pick up girls (think it was girls...lol) and he did a consumate job - I laughed out loud..and feel better....Guts hurt from the laughing cause I still have Whooping Cough and coughed and laughed and coughed and gagged....all at the same time.

I live with a false sence of security and.......

now I am at the bottom of the barrel........hehehehe went up to the Mobil Station at 1.45 a.m. today and put in the ATM card awaiting the banking here in New Zealand processing their Monday night bankings from Friday......Now here in New Zealand our banking system doesn't process on Saturday or Sunday nights so the first processing is Monday night and it supposedly shows on Tuesday morning.....well it bloody doesn't.......omg omg omg omg

I am a stupid, silly, idiotic person....I expect people to do what they say they will - now I really must protest here....I had been told by 4 people that money had been banked into my account as they had purchased items from me within an auction site here via a friends account....NONE OF THE F..KERS had done it....actually they didn't bank at all as far as I can see. I was expecting about $220-00 into my a/c - where is it? Is it out there in the etheric? Is it out there in their bank a/c and not been processed? Is it still in their banks and not been done? mmmmm I ponder on this - BIG TIME!!!!

So here I am at the petrol station awaiting the transactions to finish in the banking system, yes there was one, one nice guy banked his $20 but ofcourse I was in debit $27 so no joy there.....still in debit by $7.02 cents...lololololololol

The young man at the station felt sorry for me I was fuming by this stage as I had sat outside for over an hour and gone to the ATM 4 times to check........silly me!!!!!!!!so he purchased a pack of 20 cigs and a large bottle of diet coke for me and I could then come home to write this blog.

Is it MOI do I make waves shall I change my name to TSUNAMI ROBYN? Do I cause grief just by being in this world? Somebody please answer me this one I'm at a total loss......................

A friend (or should I say now ex friend lol) of mine promised me yesterday (still a gullible fish eh?) that he would bring me $2,000-00 to solve all my problems as he didn't think it a good idea for me to refinance my car (this I will have to do now) as the bastard....and I say bastard, went on a boozing spree and didn't turn up with the dosh - so I am now in stut even worse than I was before - FUCK I AM STUPID......

I am now going to put my head in the gas oven and flip the switch.

DO PEOPLE EVER ACTUALLY DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE GOING TO DO ANYMORE?????? or am I just old fashioned and believe when someone tells me something should I be so sceptical that I just go naw......they won't do it, naw......they are talking sh...t, naw don't believe it. Maybe my fundimental core needs rebooting and maybe they all need to reaccess their lives and bugger off....all of them lolololol

WELL GUESS WHAT - you will never believe it the BLACK CAT tried to get into the cat door at 3.27 a.m. today by beating down the door he made such a lot of noise he woke me from my sleep in the chair....why Oh why hasn't this cat issue been solved - he and I looked at each other through the cat door he is such a bastard that he didn't even flinch when I fronted up to the cat door (I had it locked - so my girls were all in here) and he knew it...he knew I couldn't put my arm through the hole and strangle the little bastard.............................................

Oh this is past a funny joke - think I am in the middle of a process of rebooting and re-evaluation and re-thinking of all around me....time to move on and I'm doing it as I type this blog for The President...Sir I have had a gut full of my life and I want CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE now please its getting urgent. Just as well I'm off the drugs...wonder where I would be at now if I wasn't??????

Had a good thing happen today a man arrived at the door (nice guy) but no notice (Now Housing N.Z. are supposed to give their tenants 24 hours notice if they are coming) no they didn't he just turned up to check out my bench.....wonder why that is????? The government Minister must have pushed a button or two their end...it wasn't the guys fault but just as well I was here and willing to let him in. So looks like I might get a new bench to replace the biodegrading one I have had for five years *(yes 5 years)* but he did say his supervisor had to come and look before anything could be done...NOW MY QUESTION IS: why didn't the supervisor come himself and cut out the extra time I had to see this guy today...???????? Why??????? I suppose they are keeping someone in a job but two guys to see the one job...over the top I feel (you?) (: government money being squandered yet again by Housing New Zealand...their process must be so outdated and in need of a tweek......I said tweek not *tweet*......different guys hehehehhe

TWITTER - my place of choice except unable to get in there much today as I spent all day on the laptop trying to remove a worm - wasn't covered with purchased software so it must have been in here for a while.....I got the trial of One Care from Microsoft yesterday and it shows me that I have this worm spent all day updating my computer system via Microsofts One Care free for 90 days and I will certainly purchase this - think it may be important. This puter came with Norton but its expired...and I couldn't afford to redo it.....so there we go

Actually guys had enough of all of this - headache and tired and really want my life back on any track except the one its on.......nite nite

S.M.O.K.E. Update - yes I have cigarettes only 11 left until whenever so will eeeeekkkk them out and await money arriving from the cosmos.......

........cheers

p.s. couldn't sleep so came down and edited this blog added a few more lines.........must try and sleep think I had better see my wonderful G.P. today Garsing...he always seems to be able to manage support and help for me....rock on Garsing Wong, Doctor extrodinaire......

I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANSICO HIGH ABOVE THE BAY?

2009-06-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

Been sitting in front of the computer screen thinking about San Francisco and humming that song...above!

I will always remember the first time I walked through Union Square there were pigeons everywhere and an elderly man sitting on a park bench was feeding them bread, they were flying in from all the buildings around the square and it was amazing to watch. (There is that word again 'amazing') seem to use it all the time but it is the best descriptive word I can think of......

We were standing opposite I Magnum looking towards Blums and the Macy's entrance it will always been etched in my mind as the sun was warm and inviting the pigeons by this stage had settled on the ground and everyone seemed happy, now at 8 years old everyone does seem happy or just bad, one or the other nothing in between. I will mention here that we had walked out of our hotel in Geary Street and gone across the crossing - I have always had a fear of crossing roads (even now) from the accident my confidence has always been nil where it comes to streets, especially busy ones. You should see me taking off across Ponsonby Road here in Auckland - bit deep breath and then I launch out like a maniac and being a lady don't run, but go at a great rate of knots to get to the other side as soon as possible.....lol

Mum and I must have walked hundreds of thousands of miles in our years away from New Zealand but we walked most of all in San Francisco and London. S.F. was wonderful to walk around and also there was the added bonus of the cable cars going up the hills, God they are steep>>>>>>>>>>and the one's without steps are just bloody....

Used to love driving in Fred's car going down with the pitch of the road and then the cross secting one which is flat and then down again the car seemed to launch out over the edge and then fall down at a great rate which was almost I might sumise the same as a G force in a plane...hehe

Now close to us at the Franciscan was Woolworths on the corner of Powell and Market on the harbour side (sorri harbor)... we used to go their first as they sold I think what you call bear claws - pastry with an organge glaze they were absolutely wonderful - my mouth is watering as I'm typing....Oh they were huge so we used to only get one (can't remember how much they were though) but I can remember the taste...awesome!!!!!

In the walk down from Geary to Market on the left side of the street was a cigar making shop with a guy working in a window - half open - a hot sugar and peanut making shop (trying to remember the name of the candy) mmm - Oh got it peanut brittle - a steak house (that I still covet to this day) and then Woolies.... Of course this was a daily tour/routine and then we would out of the donut area and launch into Market Street. Usually turning left and walk down to a large Hotel on the other side of the road about 3 blocks down. Can't remember the name to type it here but it was the hotel with the Russian Tea Room in it. What a place....full of palms and lovely white linen and smelt of warm toast.......

We would walk down as far as we could looking into the windows and then come back and have a hot chocolate for me and a coffee for Mum, we didn't have much money so only had the 'tea' about once every two months.

Then back up to Joseph Magnum on the corner in Market Street and (?) one I don't remember the name of....City of Paris was on the top corner opposite the square, we used to get up the ire of the policeman sitting on the top of an awning with a loud hailer and he would spew forth would the woman and the girl not jay walk - use the crossing.......he did this every day as my Mother wasn't going to do anything she didn't want to....lol Wow into Joseph Magnum's shoe department - this is where I would cringe - there was a guy who worked there (probably about mid 30's) who wore a brown suit - will never ever forget him - he smelt funny and would be very good at fitting mother's shoes and then he would turn to me and smile - now I havn't ever seen this smile since and he would put his hands on the back of my calves and give me the total sh....ts....... and mumble things like you are nearly old enough to be my wife....Now let me say here that my mum was sitting right next to me and she was so focused on her own feet and shoes that she Never Ever Hear this guy....I used to have a panic attack every time we went in there, which was about once a week. Do you think she would listen to me I tried to tell her as best I could how I felt but she totally disregarded me and for this I am not a happy camper....he every now and then he comes into a nightmare and I can feel the creepy hands on my legs...ewwwwww.....eewwwww....... and I still havn't worked out after all these years what he smelt of....mmmmmm eewwwww again.....!!!!!! ug and men in brown suits should just disappear off the face of the earth...the hairs on my neck are now up like a cats................eewwwwww

Sundays were special we would go to the top restaurant in the Sir Francis Drake and the chefs used to cook eggs over easy right there in front of you what a sight this little pan full of butter with two eggs bubbling Oh just bliss - then the view was pretty damn good as well and always busy - we went about 10 a.m. and to this day I still get hungry around that time and as its morning tea here, I eat - often en egg poached (better for me) on a crumpet...see the programming is so in there.........

Then off up the hill via the cable car to The Fairmont and the other one on the other corner - which had a Scottish bar full of tartan in it...can't remember its name and I googled the other day and panned everywhere we used to walk it was AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING - except lots of things had changed well it is 52 years ago.....just a wee few years - nice to know that many things though are still the same. The wonderful restaurant under the Fairmont in California St. with the water/pool in the middle and dining all around it - wonder what its called, it is still there....kewl

Into the Fairmont all red and lovely carpets, very busy floor though!!! We met Andy Williams one night whilst in the bar outside the conference room where he as singing omg - he was such a short guy and had makeup on....well he could sing like an angel though...lololololol didn't get his autograph he only stopped in the bar to have a glass of water before his show and mum said hello....ever so posh like and he looked at us (mother and daughter with hats on.....) and said where are you two from.....then we said New Zealand and he smiled and said maybe one day I'll go there - have to go singing now.....mmmmm kewl Used to watch him on t.v. heaps with the Osmond kids memories omg memories......now I have moon river going through my head....bugger!!!!!

Just had a thought - but its gone.....where the hell did it go...anyway,

got it....most of this stuff I'm spewing can be verified probably on the net the dates Andy sang at the Fairmont in 1959....can't be bothered checking myself though......

Now I remember the smell down at Fishermans Wharf those crabs cooking in the bit pots (do they still do that I wonder) and then we would go to Tarantinos and sit and eat crab with butter and it was ambrosic....would always have rocqufort (sp) dressing on my salad actually more dressing than salad and I still eat salad the same way none of that yucky french stuff for me a good old fashioned mayo or (I make up a blue cheese dressing myself) for eating with my lettuce - has to be heart though and lots of pepper and tomatoes.....mmmm yummy. Have an old menu from Tarantinos and look at it every now and then just for posterity's sake.

The Golden Gate park, what can I say - the Japanese Tea House the acquarium and the area outside where we watched lots of things over the years - ballet, shakespeare and music....during the day and at nights (thinking of that movie with the hispanic girl and blond dude) The Wedding Planner when they are in this area listening to music....omg it took me back. Then all the lovely old red buildings - can see them in my minds eye as I'm typing. For those of you who havn't been to S.F. google and have a ball and remember me......and my mum we walked every inch of the place....wouldn't go on the bus see other blog.....made me angry

Mother went out one night (without me cry cry cry) only time she didn't take me in S.F. I stayed with the consulate general's wife - she went to Bimbo's 365 club and saw Gypsey Rose Lee....sorri I missed it but was far too young - a couple of friends from New Zealand were in S.F. and they had a dinner party there have the photograph of the night....Johnny Cave his wife Elsie and about 10 other people.......hehehehe Did have a menu but its gotten lost over these years.....gone buy....!!!!!!! buy mmmm yes.....bye

Getting a little tired its 1.31 a.m. so will have to make this a two parter but China Town - wow ordering chinese food by a number kewl and Trader Vic's think it is still there - remembered their Butterfly chicken with pineapple and that they had shrunken heads from New Zealand on their walls, which made us creep out but others not so much....they didn't have friends who were Maori, we did......

Will go into across the Golden Gate to Ross etc. next blog and expand a little from downtown.....

Nice chatting with you - God I have a lot to say....and I can't believe I can remember so much, thank goodness I'm off the mental health drugs for the past 23 years or so I havn't remembered anything including if I had gone to the toilet or not....that is how much they supressed my brain and body...well no more all gone g o n e gone.....

Night all

.....
Shout out to my Sgt. Brandon - where are you I wonder my newest son....

xxxx0000

They are gone but their life work lives on.......RIP Michael and Farrah

2009-06-27T22:37:00.000-07:00

Now this little bit of a blog is going to be FUN - I have had it with grunge and anything to do with a downer of any kind........enough I say enuf enuf

During my sleepless nights I have been watching all sorts of stuff on tv watched The Gilmore Girls - wow they are funny........feel like I would rather live their lives than mine though but have the following to share:

Mother says (after she walks into the kitchen and looks at the frig) 'all the food in this frig need cooking' - god know what she means sometimes just the thought of having to cook it makes me squirm - rather have a McDonalds or Wendy's inside the frig and I just place an order or better still my all time favourite have a hole in the wall and say 'earl grey tea with lemon now' and the computer materalises it .....wow that's my next one......lolololol

They were organising a tea party for 12 which made the guy that works for her very uncomfortable (Demi Moore should be reading this bit) the party was for 6 little girls and 6 dolls - wow cool........ Also (don't know her name, but the mum) said to a friend - we are the children of Emma Jolina (sp) and Hillary Clinton - I kind a got this the Americans out there certainly will....others not so much!!

Also I have just felt like I needed and "Extreme Make Over" - body edition.....hehehe been looking at the new me and moi feels like a couple of nips and tucks coming up - not just blogs....have had one little proceedure and Garsing at Sapphire did such a wonderful job everyone of my friends has looked at me and said - Robyn you do look better - more healthy and happier (considering my life this is a bit of a joke>>>>>>>) but I accept their comments gracefully and just grin inside.

p.s. not going to tell u lot today what I had but suffice to say needles and NO NOT BOTOX - so there!!!!!! Have an appointment for another small one next week at Sapphire with Margaret so then I will take a video of me and put it up on the net - until then I'm the photograph with the hands over my face. This photograph is the only one I have liked in about 10 years...mmmmmm - interesting?

Must tell all about a cartoon I saw on the Disney Toons the other a.m. about 5 ish don't know what it was called only joined half way through but omg it was fantastic.....my days were with Mr Magoo and all the old characters and never really liked to Pokemons that were around when my son was little - but this one is soooooooo kewl.......

An entire enterouge of peeps different colours with a dad of terquoise with a handle bar mustash a son and a little old lady called a Trol who hovvered off the ground was in a brightly coloured green dress with an enormous red hat wearing glasses - just felt like they had taken me and put me into the toon - ...their comments and banter was amazing, I actually enjoyed it.....mmmm
The cartoon was about growing a truffle tree in a garden and there were all sorts of things being said but I took notes - (what does that say about me?) opps and some gems came out:

Dad in toon made up a breaking up list -

breaking up list, he was reading it and said its not this onion making me cry as he read the list - had to be there in the toon it worked much better than in here.....one of them was named Schnitzel and he/she said "hug it out" now that I can align myself with "hug it out" best method to get over something....eh guys?

Watched a preview for a movie and decided that I should watch it, it looked interestingly like my life kinda ..... Richard Gere and Diane Lane in a boutique movie "Nights at Redanthe" - comment in the preview caught my attention....................a week changed my life forever...............I want one of those.

I'm hungry its dinner time here 5.35 p.m. for me I have made a hot and I mean hot chiplote chilli with beans and corn and made my own frittas...f..k I'm good - do enjoy very spicy foods from anywhere....

Enjoy your evenings/days etc. I'm off to eat but I have a blog about San Francisco and want to shout out to my newly adopted soldier hiya Brandon trust all is well where you are? Remember if I can do anything for you just call the number in the email and I will see what I can do.......nite nite Sgt.

Cheers

.......xxxx0000

Just a note to say that I was talking with my friend Barbara on her cell at 8p.m. NZ time tonight and our sweet Helga mother of 3 daughters and one son passed away while I was speaking with her daughter after a long time in hospital, she was a woman of great strength and I know that her children will miss her terribly, age 91 years. Via con Dios Helga - I will miss you.

....

Goodnight all....its been a long day

My STROKE should I have it now or wait?

2009-06-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back I have cigarettes but not from the Mobil, from my lovely friend Joyce who gave me $30 to tide me over....she is amazing a wonderful mother, friend, cook, wife and fantastic sewer - thanks heaps for this Joyce I'm sorry I burst into tears...I'm fine now back home and typing so now kewl......lol

I cried because she was so kind and my lovely 'd' had been mean to me about her and the 'other's' computer gift - I was ungrateful evidently...mmm this is certainly an area for them to sort out I'm tired of their antics and their disrespecting me...enough is enough!!!!!

I'm upset because of the big new computer - I got my American friend Lisa here yesterday to try and get in as an Administrator but she took one look and shook her head...so the saga continues I am going to get a computer person to look at it (more cost to me but I don't care I want to use my new toy...my toy which is sitting looking amazing and I want it now.,..,..,!) This new 'toy' has to work properly as it will be seeing me out.

Talking about that subject - my friend Barbara's mum who I mentioned ages ago (3 week or more) is still dying and boy oh boy is she making them go through hoops - think it is their karma for all the things they did to upset her over the years, she is making her exit in total style with lots of grief physically for them... for this I am so sorry as physically dying can be so hard on those who are left.......sad and worried for them all. xxx to you guys.

Been out and purchased a second DLink this morning as the new one from yesterday broke as well, they think it was just a factory fault...omg why oh why me moi what have I dont to deserve all this favouritism????? I wonder..............

Yesterday in my travels I noticed the petrol light coming on an off, well its now on totally and I'm here at home with smokes, coffee and food so I'm kewl, but think next $ in has to go to petrol - mmmm more money to somone else for me to survive.......interesting how you don't have control at all.......lol

NOW I'VE TOTALLY GIVEN UP - I WANT ALL THIS TO STOP - my heart is constantly in my mouth and I'm very stressed - as I said should I have my stoke now and get it over and done with and recouperate at my leisure or just suck it up and move on......think the latter YEAH RITE!!!!!

My travels yesterday need a mention - left home at 9.21 a.m. and got back one hour later actually exactly at 10.21 (freaked me out when I looked at the car clock).......

I went out to:

go to a Vodafone shop to obtain all the new goodies for me to get up and running again - now the young lady in Cairo 'Nermeen' was very helpful and her english was sublime - I really wanted to talk about Cairo but I digress, she gave me addys for two shops close to me. The first one was in KRoad I called them and their message said leave info....naw I didn't but it also didn't say their opening hours.....I drove past and they were shut - must be 10 a.m. opening......so onwards

The second shop was in downtown Auckland city at the bottom of Queen Street - now we are talking a mile only away from where I live so started to drive down Queen Street to go to the shop.......mmmmmmm guess what the middle of Queen Street was closed with lots of big diggers etc. and heaps of people working - CLOSED

Drove around the block and came up from the other way - Closed still and no shop...gone, gone omg gone

So much for that......lol

Decided at that point that I would go to Telecom's shop in Ponsonby and get another DLink (the Vodafone idea went out the window at this point) so off I trotted......nice young man organised the purchase and I came home.....

Just now as I arrived back noticed a letter in the letterbox - didn't check yesterday - OMG HAVE JUST OPENED A FINE FOR $150-00 for driving in a bus lane in Newmarket......mmmmmhehehehelololololol COME ON ANYTHING MORE....EH EH EH? This one I will write up and inform them that....

I am diabetic and I moved over to the bus lane to eat two jellybeans (ofcourse they were nicked from Valentines last Saturday- see karma!) as I had a headache and didnt' wish to hit or drive into anyone....my god they are quick this was only mid week last week.......F..K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling much better thank you all of you out there (the two that read my blogs) I have nicotine, caffine and foodine in my system so I'm chirpy. Decided that this isn't about my ego (any of this) its about being put upon by others and manipulated by others and generally not being able to have control of your life because of others.............sicinct eh?

Going off to watch my Keanu in a movie I taped last night Street????something so bye for now.........c u later

S.M.O.K.E. update getting posters naw....only joking getting a campaign actually up and running in my head am going to take on ASH here in N.Z. its about time someone stood up for those of us who arn't perfect..............

xx to all

p.s. Please check out Adopt A U.S. Soldier's site it is awesome and I'm in want to adopt as many as I can.....going in now to adopt my first one...he sounds great.....kewl will be emailing him heaps xxx000 to all who serve everywhere in the world

......

CHANGE - CHANGE - CHANGE - CHANGE does it own me or do I own it?

2009-06-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

The days have flown by...I havn't slept and I've been on the case my daughters 'other' dropped off a new computer to me as a prezzie - wow it is a 3gig 64bit amazing piece of equipment. Only problem he plugged it in then put in my name and left (after considerable hugs and thanks) now the saga starts......

Only just gotten back on the net about half an hour ago so I was off from Friday 5ish until Sunday at 8.30 a.m. This is a long time to be unable to blog...I have had them welling up and wanting to be spewed out....but to no avail.

The Telecom DLink wireless modem I had blew up (literally fired itself) burnt my floor, just as well I was awake and next to it...could have been a lucky break for me...hehehehe

No shops open, no courier available from Telecom or an affiliate NO and I mean NO way to get back up and running. I went to the local internet cafe and ofcourse because of their setting couldn't actually go into blogging. I came home disappointed and with a throbbing head full of blogs....lol

I slept a little but becuase it was then 11.30 at night couldn't ring nor go and use a friends computer too late at night and I have manners.....this I will talk about later (manners I mean).

Got up at 4 a.m. and walked the house my staffers were most put out by this - 1 Jack Russell named Valcro age 14.75 years old my cats - Lillian (Miss Gish) age 1.5 years and totally white, Missy Miss Missy age 8 years and my Petal age 9 - they were all sleeping in the lounge and didn't like it at all that I put on the tv and smoked and drank coffee and then had some loud music and generally got totally in their faces......now I have been keeping the cat door locked at night (because of the black cat) and they can't escape from me - so the looks were 'to dye for'...........p.s. been having to clean up after them in the shower - this I won't forgive Housing New Zealand for as they don't like fouling inside and the entire debacle over the tom cat has been horrendous.

Now back to Telecom New Zealand who is a dinosour and also full of bullies....they have the most officious staff in the world (my opinion only) except for Pip who assisted me on Friday they all suck. The business department have over the past few weeks been trying to organise an 0900 number for me but I wan't told that the reason it hadn't been granted was that I owed Telecome $275.00 omg fancy that................lollololololol

I didn't get to come off the benefit or change my circumstances because of a biarch or two in the business section and the credit deparments - shall we say policies? - or just because they are bullies and can do as they bloody well feel like....this has caused me great grief I was hoping to be up and running with my new blogging empire, but because of Telecom this isn't going to happen any time soon. Now what can I do about this? Since Friday I have had to purchase a new DLink modem cost $199.99 and for this priviledge they will be crediting my account with this amount. Now this credit is coming via their call centre in the Phillipines and I have just checked it has gone through so I now owe them $75.00 - wondering if I can get my 0900 now? Will double check on Monday as they arn't open during the weekend, but as I wasn't on the net either I couldn't check their website. Now you can't talk to Business at all you have to email via the web...lolololololol their emails are amazing wording like - we are unsure of your use for this 0900 number (heaven help me I'm not a sex site) they give them 0900's...ehehhehehehe

So being Barak Obama's blogger on his newsite doesn't cut any mustard nor does little ol lady Robyn Berry-Luke warrant a second look. Tells you heaps about their mentality .... and the staff they employ let alone their company policies.

Telecom New Zealand a bully and a dinosour without any respect for their individual users who by the way have been with them for over 100 years, my family that is. We have used the one service provider throughout that time.

Now I am looking at alternatives (funny though Telecom have the monopoly on the 0900 numbers) no one else seems to have them...so I suppose will have to swallow hard and accept their unhelpful, demeaning and shitty service....eh?

The other problem I have is that the new computer is just a little too big for their modums....so am on the case for a new provider who's DLink won't blow up and burn a hole in my floor.....omg there seems to be a gremlin out there just putting up blank walls for me to bang into....hehehheellolololol
I

TELECOM NEW ZEALAND A DINOSOUR AND BULLY WITH INSULARITY TENDENCIES - that should get them........

Called 018 a couple of times for numbers in the middle of the night and I spoke to Margaret who ofcourse was helpful and friendly - Oh yeah I remember 018 not under Telecom's wing anymore is it????????? thats a tell!!!!

During this time of being awake I wasn't sitting still I called Telstra, Vodafone and am about to call Woosh....actually brb total waste of time not open on weekends....what it wrong with this place (NZ) I mean? Why in the name of the Gods don't they cover weekends and out of hours - opps sorry maybe they just don't care or maybe they think we arn't out there and don't need assistance other than between 9 and 5 weekdays. mmmmmmm

S.M.O.K.E. update..........................

Have just run out - so going up to Mobil station for assistance I hope omg I hope...............c u soon

S..........M..........O..........K..........E

2009-06-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

It starts here................................

I am starting a campaign called "SMOKE" we are already in the world's order and intend to bloody well stay here

THOSE OF US OF THE NICOTINE PERSUASION.........I have totally had it up to my eye balls with thos pious NON - smokers who dictate to us how we should run our lives....get a life

S = smoker
M = motivated
O = obcessive
K = knowingly
E = excessive - so what!!

Mr President if you have to wait until you can hide in the bushes to have a puff we know that there are some out there who need ammending themselves....I appreciate that they don't want it in their faces but I lost the plot yesterday when I heard from a friend that all Health Facilities throughout New Zealand are going to be SMOKE FREE.....mmmmmmmm

Now my friend has just had two weeks at a alcholic centre drying out and her only plus for the entire time (other than getting off the booze) was that there was a smoking area....the pious personality who personally told them that they were going SMOKE FREE hasn't EVER smoked isn't she a goody too shoes, who doesn't have any perception of how we feel (as smokers) or how debalatating this is going to be for all who do smoke and need to get off other addictions........

S..........M..........O..........K..........E

HERE WE GO PEOPLE ------------------------ GET IN BEHIND ME AND MY CAMPAIGN

WE ARE ALLOWED IN THE WORLD PEPS - you guys bugger off into the sunset and leave us to our outside doorways and in porches and generally austrasized you guys get a life......lol

ROBYN BERRY-LUKE A SMOKER AND PROUD OF IT.............PROUD YES PROUD

Having a wee puff whilst I am blogging hehehehehe lolololololol smoke gets in your eyes...NOT

Awaiting my funding from the tobacco companies

Yeah Rite!

"The MEN in my life" 34 in total - bugger me days!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-24T20:19:00.001-07:00

Now I was thinking today that I have been blessed with some men and not so much with others....suffice to say that I won't tell any tales but I'm going to for fun list out from the newest to the eldest my men.....they are many and vaious........lol

Lomaloma ages 10 months old, Tongan absolutely beautiful and happy and content

Tauiliili is young Loma's uncle he is 11 and my best mate I have been a friend of his since he was half an hour old....coming to my house for a stop over during the school holidays

My son James who is 24 and born on 14th February poor guy - of whom I am so very proud he is a good man and has a really kewl job makes carbon masts for Americas Cup yachts and other large yachts around the world

Armini (John) older brother to Tauiliili age 24 loving and kind and into Rap music also a rapper himself and has a group with his brother

Vea (Ealona)my bestest man in the world known him since he was 10 and he is now 28 been able to do all sorts of stuff with him over the years he has a beautiful daughter who's birthday I went to last Saturday - it was fun

Maola husband to my good girl Pwincess Leecee and father of Lomaloma....nice guy just arrived in New Zealand from Tonga and getting used to our cold...weather brrrrrr!!!

Bradley my next door neighbour - fantastic personality and always able to have a laugh with him

Anthony at the Mobil Petrol Station who runs the crew up there and always able to assist with the odd cig....hehehe

Kalifi Minister at my church in Grey Lynn - shout out to you will yes I will make a speech next feast....yeah rite!

The two waiters at Occam cafe who go out of their way to assist me with coffee beautifully made and served with flair

About 8 in total young men who work at Sale St. and are helpful and friendly to me

Dale my mechanic who doesn't mind sticking his head inside a little ol ladies car who smokes...and fixes it with total flair and penasch (also tks for the $20 this week dude) xx

Felisio father to John and Vea - great man so supportive of me and makes me feel totally part of their family for this I am so grateful and I know if I ever need he is there for me

Nick brother (60 years old) to my best friend who has put up with my antics for ages and actually finds me funny...tks

Derek caregiver and friend no longer living here but a kewl dude totally into horses in a big and I mean BIG way age 57

Luke who owns Sale St. currently in Europe sourcing stuff.....going to be using his venue for the Masquerade Ball to mark my 60th.....lololololol mid 30's

Michael who owns Occam Cafe - kewl

Also a shout out to about 5 other new men who I have yet to get to know well

John (shhhh our P.M.) thank you for his assitance in so many areas - we tweet don't you know.......

this was my daughters "others" area but he asked to be deleted - what is all that about? he don't get to come to the ball, not invited, sorry cindafella!

Dominick Starkwhite Gallery owner handsome and debonaire - will always be grateful to you for making such a nice speech at my birthday party a few years ago - thanks

Bruce known for many years mid 60's terribly political....enough said!

Barry the best.....ex English Navy and a man that Prince Charles had to call Sir...I love it retired age 68

Then the one the only President of America for whom I blog - maybe one day I will get to meet him but until then and I'm deleted from their system will chat every day on here.....age mid 40's

There they are in their splenda..........I am so bloody lucky really I am...

Cheers all - going out for a coffee some dinner and then Barry the Bod and I are out for dancing.....

Keep an eye out for the up-dates on the Masquerade Ball on the 12th September this year marking my 60th birthday and called "Military Through The Ages" so you can come as whomever you wish....I AM GOING TO BE ELIZABETH THE FIRST - COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF ENGLAND....now that is Military isn't it?

'TONE OF VOICE' today's trials and tribulations plus tittilations

2009-06-24T02:42:00.000-07:00

mmm another shitty day I just have to say how much I abhore people who don't know or don't have any manners or an ethical bone in their bodies....they are just yuk!

Today I had a call from Baycorp and the young lady was rude, abusive and totally out of control (her day must have been really BAD...) I had a coughing fit and she HUNG up...now how kewl is that. I rang back and spoke to a reasonable young man and I made yet another complaint about someone's tone and behaviour...don't they ever, ever train anyone anymore? What is it with these people they are just so in your face and don't need to be....they make their jobs so much harder and I just LAUGH at their ineffectual behavour and stupidity....get a life guys, be nicer to your fellow man there is such a thing as Karma and its going to come up your bums big time..hehehehehehehehehe

The second phone call I had to make a comment on was a young man in Telecom....he treated me like I was 5 years old I have never been so condesended to for ages.. what did he think he was doing - I'm 59 and he was probably only 20 something with a bad accent and not a very nice demeanour at all...yet more training requried...lol

So Baycorp and Telecome TRAIN YOUR STAFF TO BE MORE EFFECTIVE AND HELPFUL FOR YOUR BUSINESS' train the silly buggers....

I have other than the above had a very nice day....purchased a couple of items via that site (auction one) and had a parcel delivered with goodies in it. This did help my day somewhat and my demeanour has improved heaps.

Met a friend for a drink at Sale St. at 6.30 p.m. and we had a great time I ate skewers of eye fillet and fries - the only problem was I ordered the fries as soon as I got there and the bowl is sooo big I offered fries to all around me - have to get Luke to organise half portions or granny ones, they are certainly value for money but just too many fries for me. Met (ofcourse) the people around me and had a few minutes chat to a couple who actually accepted half a bowl of fries and finished them off, thank you P & S.......

Also spoke for a while to a young man into environmental issues big time...so he and me will be meeting later in the week he has unlimited potential for my submission to our Parliament regarding solar power panels for the poor.....all the 'p' words, pretty positive potential with perserverence persisitence, positively pithy......mmmmm hehe

Read the Herald this a.m. and will list a few items that took my eye (eyes both actually with glasses on)....

BAIDU - Chinese computer server (kewl name) going up against Google - I wish them luck.

Kellogs in America assisting with Feeding America - good on them - yeah!

Harry Winston Jewellers in France - 25 people arrested for their robbery....thats a lot of people how on earth did they divvy up the stuff?????? (and I didn't get any) thinking of Marilyn Monroe and her pink dress 'diamonds are a girls best friend' so so coool......RIP Marilyn - God she was beautiful and not skinny nor was she doctored by botox and the other goodies out there now - I hang my head in shame I have had a proceedure but I'm thrilled and nobody has noticed - so it did the trick it fixed my soul...thank you Garsing and Sapphire....xxxx0000

Can't read my own writing - GYRE - undersea south pacific ocean desert wow really kewl stuff didn't know it existed until today - go sea floor

New Zealand taking over the world one bite at a time an article on an Equity Partners Infrastructure Company purchasing part of England's MOTO - interesting why would they do that?????? I assume money, but interestingly WHY?

This will be a relatively short blog tonight after my mamouth attempts last night but I admit I am totally in a beter place after a long day and only one small sleep of about 2 hours....sleep rocks I just wish I could do more of it - (I wish)

So goodnight all - never know I might blog later if I wake up but am going to watch Mama Mia on Sky (I have it taped) so I will be even more uplifted and no longer in the dumps....

Cheers all

Hotels I adore them - spent a lifetime in them as well. American one's are the best?

2009-06-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

Now I finished off in California in the last blog at the St. Franciscan Hotel which was just behind the St. Francis. Where we were was an old hotel with large rooms each had a bathroom and there were lots of long staying guests who all sat in the lobby and watched t.v.

We were on the 11th floor - this is not a problem normally except moi had nerves of jelly (jello) and couldn't go up nor down in a lift so I very quickly became fit as I walked up and down 11 (actually 22) flights of stairs at least twice if not up to as many as five/six times a day. Sometimes my mother would just come down or up with me in the lift she had to hold my hand (she did a lot of hand holding over the years) as I used to watch t.v. with the other long staying guests. I remember one program about Hong Kong (in black and white) starring an Australian actor who played a police person (can't remember his name at the moment) but I do remember he had an incident on an aircraft flight to Australia from California and everyone around him was given free flights to where - ever as he was so objectionable. He has long since passed away......mmm still can't remember - can visualise the face though. Oh he was in 'The Birds' with that lovely blonde woman. In that movie they have a shot in a local pet store in S.F. and I used to go there every day to check on the various animals...so the name????????????

I have had a liftime t.v. fetish (yes I call it that...lol) I am currently blogging and listening to Monk...whom I find fascinating he is a little like me slightly touched....it as you all have read started on the ship - that big box!!!!

Also over the years it has (t.v. that is) been used as a baby sitter for me for hours and hours and hours as my mother was an older mum she had me when she was 46 and her and her friends would be partying on down and I would be shoved in front of the t.v. hence knowing so much about the 60's and what was played over the air waves...pulling on my hard drive I think we have the English to thank for t.v. it was produced just after the second world war....enough of that history...hehe more about moi..........lol

Now this sitting in the lobby and watching t.v. also started a lifelone people watching mode which I thoroughly enjoy and will just go out to sit and watch the world go by. There were three older persons and I mean in their 80's and two younger men (dont know maybe 30ish) who were always talking and watching this lobby t.v. I decided that I wanted to be like one of these older women and look like her when I was her age...Now it could be said that I have their ages totally wrong they may have only been in their 50's or 60's but God help me they seemed bloody old and decrepid. There was this one women who always looked immaculate with no hairs out of place, painted nails and beautiful makeup - not a lot but everything colour coded and well put together, she also had a french roll in her hair which had the pins perfectly in line and the same distance apart.....kewl eh?

Now at the moment I am suffering from Whooping cough...still around and making me feel really unwell, but when we were in this hotel we both contracted the Asian Flu during its first epidemic I can remember how horrible I felt, both my mother and I were so sick we couldn't go out to eat and there were others in the hotel in the same boat so the young man who was the bag boy...ran errands for us all. This also became very difficult as we didn't have any money - remember the monetary difficulties ex New Zealand...well we ran out we were both very sick and no food and nothing to drink other than tap water. We had a couple of sticks of gum and we chewed these lovlies for two days plus only drank water. In the meantime the Consulate was endeavouring to obtain more money for us but they were finding it impossible to organise...so this I think is the point at which money, food and I parted company and ever since then its been a problem. We were both so sick than we couldn't walk to the bathroom and had to literally crawl backwards and forwards to the toilet. Will just mention a little side bar here....

In S.F. there are often and I mean often slight temmors and I remember being unsteady on my feet and thinking that while I was cleaning my teeth I was going to fall over but actually it was a temmor and we did get used to them eventually....lololololol

Now the cooking when we did have food was interesting as I said there was a little one element stove on a bench with a small sink about 6 inches by 6 inches in size and a very tiny little frig in this nook...we used to heat lots of one pot meals, still not that into baked beans thanks to this cullinary feasting via the cupboard but I'm into toast so that was always a last resort. Boy am I a quick draw magraw!!! I can toast over a fixed element with my fingers no tongs required - I had to learn this trick as we didn't have tongs and a fork through the bread only heated up and burnt me..hehehehe

I have fingers like a chef can lift hot stuff out of anything...have been known to burn myself though if I don't consentrate on it totally in other words totally focus or your cooked....

Just before I finish up I would like to make a comment on segregation...we lived in it, with it, around it and it totally SUCKED we came from a country where our brown people (Maori) were treated equally and came into a city where when you got on the bus the black people had to either stand up or get off so that we could sit down or stand in the bus....this I remember being the MOST horrific and ikky thing I have ever had to do. My mother and I would walk for miles because of this....and I have always been adament that no one and I say no one should be discriminated against at any level, of any colour, race,creed or religion - it should never ever happen, but ofcoure it does still to this day and I am appalled with every single one of them.

Going to sleep now...

ARBITRAGE. boy I can do it well.........

2009-06-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

Well I really put it out there tonight. I went upstairs to bed lay down and totally couldn't relax let alone sleep so up to the Mobil station I went....now this is a couple of hours ago I have just come back with goodies to dye for......

I asked Julie at the station if I could have 20 cigarettes and could I wait in my car outside in the disability spot until my money came in. Now it transpires that I had an email earlier tonight that someone had paid into my account for an item I sold on Trade Me....(long story) therefore I did the most outlandish, bizarre and possibly silly thing I purchased items prior to the money showing in the account. I would hava cig and then go into the station and check the ATM and finally 1.75 hours later in it went - Oh thank the Gods...now if it hadn't shown that might have been a little awkward, but Julie was so understanding that I ofcourse burst into tears and spent ages crying my eyes out in the car.....one guy walked past and asked if I would like him to spend some time with me...I muttered thank you for your offer but I'm just sad about a blog...the poor guy basically ran off as I think he thought blog mean't totally something else - lol he was in his 50's.......

Arbitrage - well an American friend of mine says that I do this with consumate flair - I have been known to purchase furniture on the etheric on the hope, trust, knowledge (internally) that in would come enough to cover my expenses. Now how do I know this? Or am I just totally MAD? Or am I gifted? Or am I just stupid and don't know it......hehehehehe

I am sitting here typing like the wind smoking eating a pie and having a coffee she made me. Well I did it but I decided sitting in the car crying that this is the ABSOLUTELY LAST TIME I HAVE TO DO ANYHING LIKE THIS I can't do it anymore its just toooo hard, so hard I feel sad and stupid at the same time. Well enough about moi

I hadn't finished talking about my network - you see Julie is part of this network and because the boys wern't working it was just the two girls she was more understanding than I could have hoped, wished for....omg when will this end?

Sitting in the car with the window down I got to talk to a couple of people as well...at that time of night they arn't so anally retentive and do smile and talk or russle past you like a snake under the grass - we have two to three extremes here...one young guy's girlfriend was working on the corner down the road and as she had just been uplifted for a job...he could come and have a coffee and warm up - he was frozen, she must have been absolutely frozen I had seen her on the way into the station she was wearing a mini skirt and very high heels only about 20 years old....a skimpy top and no jacket...Oh how does she do it. He was on a bike and the tyres were going down and his hands were blue so I gave him a pair of gloves I keep in the glove compartment...hehehe, best place for them eh?

He will be dropping them off tomorrow at the petrol station and I know everyone will know who he is talking about when he says Robyn leant me these gloves last night keep them until she comes in....now ofcourse if he never comes back actually I don't really care they were expensive lovely black woolen inside leather gloves but he needed them more than me and I have others - so give it out and hopefully you will get it back - lately for me back means pie in the face but as I've said earlier moi has had enough.

I hope that those of you who read this tonight understand that I am bi-polar and that I do probably think differently to most - irrespective of the mental health I was brought up very aware of my surroundings and of other people and from the time I was in hospital I think I looked after my mum, with the trauma of the accident she didn't cope anymore and I went into a coping mode that hasn't stopped........

I had been on mental health drugs from the age of 18 when my GP gave me serapax and then valium and then Anafranil and so on and so on......Now that I no longer take any at all - I do feel free of such great chains but I also have realised how hard it has been for me and lots of others to just survive - I brung up my children the best way I knew how they are wonderful and I am so proud of them......my ex was a wife beater (I was a victummm) of my own stupidness none of our friends when we finally split believed ME they all went with him, and to this day I'm just this stupid woman he was married to and caused him all that grief....mmm when he finally snapped and took our son hostage the police did think that I should have laid charges but he would have lost his career so I didn't do it. Also the children would have suffered and truely there is enough suffering in the world without adding to it....now I'm not a marter (can't spell) by any means I can be vindictive and never ever forget a slight, but they tell me this is because I am a virgo....well I'll believe anything if it suits and I don't have to confront an actual demon. Beat those shi.....ers off daily, demons I mean....lololololol

Now I'm totally pumped cafine, nicotine, benzine (put petrol in the car) and whatever else to get me through.

Am feeling better, thank you this typing makes it all go away for the time I'm in here blogging and for that I am ever so grateful. My girls are all on the chairs and couches sound asleep (the 3 cats) my wonderful special companion of 15 years (this December) is upstairs in the bed, my Valcro my jack russell. She has slept with me for all these years in my bed only been away from her when I was in hospital and for the one trip to Melbourne so all in all probably only about a month out of the 14.3 years so far have we been apart. She (Valcro that is) went to bed with me when I got sick in 1997 and got out again in 1999 she stayed with me constantly would go out for a pee/whatever and come back in and get into bed with me. I ponged worse than any dog I didn't wash for months at a time I couldn't get into the shower...but that's another blog on its own.

NOW sleep - going, going, gone...........

THIRD TIME LUCKY.......

2009-06-23T04:59:00.001-07:00

Well that was a mistake...I now am in the most filthy mood. I can't shake the ACC's history and now that we are becoming a supercity....omg what will become of the little man....????

Eating peanut butter and jelly on toast and also a second piece with marmite...yummy, hoping my mood is sugar related - well will tell my brain that and see what happens.

The blog originally was supposed to be about my network but it became totally unimportant in the scheme of things - that is on the grander scale - except it is a very personal and important thing for me - my network has various areas but mainly its about support for me, which I have earned over many many years and sometimes find it very hard to actually activate it on any level. Have to be in a certain frame of mind to be able to do it...

I have friends and business people who lend me money during the week when I run out which is usually about a day after I get my benefit. It doesn't go far, the benefit that is and maybe I live too high on the hog, but suffice to say I never ever seem to be able to spread it out long enough to last the week. There have been some exceptions to this rule but not often....lol

My chemist will lend me money for petrol I run an account with them have done for over 15 years I pay an automatic payment every week without fail and they put it on that a/c or as in the case this week I got $10 from him out of his pocket. NOW YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND - Paramount - that I pay these little loans back W E E K L Y, they never get over as they are too important to f...with.

The young men at my local Mobil petrol station, none of whom are in my ethnic group, always are helpful if I really loose the plot and its 4 a.m. no ciggies and I'm desperate (compulsive disorder is a bugger!) they will give me a packet of 20 cigarettes by paying for it then and there out of their own pocket, but sometimes they don't have any money either.. so its a yes/no no ramifications conversation and lots of giggles and smiling. There is a God in heaven he shines down on me often and I do feel blessed. This has been going on for years as the station is monitored and they can't give me one on tic at all...they pay for my ciggies and I try and pay them as quickly as possible. It is two days away from benefit day and I have no cigs so am eating....instead but I don't like to make them wait this long but after my first blog and the temper I got into boy Oh boy do I need nicotine...NOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~when I do get cigs from them the station can't be busy either as the patrons would wonder what is going on and boy can they be judgemental......

My next door neighbours are amazing (only two) they dislike each other but they both like me thank goodness - don't want to swear again....I owe my front neighbour $40 this week already. Cigarettes = I can't use tobacco I cough too much and I have smoked since I was 8 years old which is significant now at 59......don't think I will be giving it up any time soon. Now here in NZ we pay $10.00 for a packet of 20 which I think as those of us who smoke are usually at the poorer end of the spectrum get totally f....ed over with this cost its far too high - do you agree? I think it totally sucks and makes us all do things we regret just for a ciggie let alone booze (thank goodness (no swearing again) f...it...!!!!)I am so pious I don't drink, well with all the meds I take a drink would totally and utterly give me stick..I am a very very very cheap drunk one or two sips of wine and I'm in everyones face immediately and unable to walk on my heels...see earlier blogging about heels....

I have a couple of really great good close friends who I don't activate unless it is absolutely necessary but they are good for up to $50 in one hit...hehehehehehe and know that its for cigs or petrol or CAT and DOG food....lol

My children only get the odd call when I have run out of my network and wonder if they read this can imagine how hard it is for me to actually have to ask them for $20 bucks...it sucks so much they are so successful and don't understand that I may not have any money at all for over 5 days unless I am creative - never done hooking nor gone up to K Road but been sorely tempted over time when my obcessive compulsive disorders are kicking in and I have very little if no control over my actions....SMOKING it is also a paniceer for me as it covers so many different levels its scary.

Going up the road have to get a fix....lol petrol station for me lets hope they were paid today mmm actually think wages 2morrow so I might be out of luck...well you will know soon enough..........

Back again without any nicotine they young guy did say to come back after 3 a.m. but have taken a sleeping pill and going to crash into bed...

My apologies for my fractionated blogs tonight but it also gives a good indication of how my surroundings are affecting me...I'm here there and everywhere...night all

I forgot........lol

2009-06-23T04:09:00.001-07:00

The title in the last blog was supposed to be about something else but I got into it in a big way and sidetracked.

Am going to have a coffee a scream and run around listen to loud music and come back and to the proper blog I had in mind......

hehehehehehehe

"D" Day - Networking which is so essential 4 me

2009-06-23T03:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't do a blog last night as I had the most awful day and didn't feel like talking with anyone nor typing even though typing makes me feel better (pls feel soori for me....)!

My Tenancy Officer yelled down the phone at me, the black cat had been inside and caused me to fall over (yuk) so I have bruises, it was the worst day in ages.....I also ran out of cigarettes early in the morning about 3.30 a.m. and was feelling ever so grumpy and had exactly $0.21 cents in the bank.....lol Will chat about this later in the blog.

I have recovered today and am feeling back on form and going to take on elephants......Yeah Rite! But, who knew it was my time of trial and now I have sorted most things into proper places and done what I needed to do to recover and heal....I find it best to have an orderly desk, an orderly kitchen and an orderly brain (trusting all at the same time.....NOT) so I set about doing the following:

Yesterday my Housing New Zealand Tenancy Officer took the "cat" saga totally personally and yelled down the phone at me, she was positively vitriolic and a total biarch.....she is now under the gun I hope, I don't take to being told off at my age and as she hasn't actually done any work for years and keeps the tenants at bay here only through juggling and ofcourse she is intimidated by a couple of them so we all suffer for her insecurities......lol (poor woman) I took her to task, as you do/would.

All the correspondence for the past years was forwarded to Parliament this Tenancy Officer hasn't done about 12 jobs in this townhouse since I moved in and at each annual review I have forwarded to her a list of the things that needed to be done. Now I wasn't asking for anthing extra example: the kitchen bench has been bio-degrading since prior to me moving in. Now that is over 5 years ago and is totally falling apart, blown up with water damage and unable to be kept clean and sanitised. I have asked her every year to fix this and nothing has been done. I'm talking major damage not little stuff enough that I have to put down plastic to work on the bench. I have CLL and am diabetic so I have to be extremely careful about surfaces and infections (hence the hassle of the cat....) I spend a lot of time trying to clean down this bench to no avail. Do you feel that this job should have been done years ago? I do...the only job on the list of 12 were the outside stairs which were at a 30 degree angle and very hard to walk up and down - these she organised to be fixed last year (so that is 4 years) and the rest....still waiting. One of the jobs I had asked to be agreed to (slightly different criteria) was to have a bath put in (at my expense if necessary) I felt that my particular health issues were important and that a bath instead of the shub would be advantageous to me and my health. She scoffed at this (evidently HNZ are taking out baths at the moment) and she asked a man (don't know who) but I don't get any bath - it was a big fat no....NO NO NO NO NO

Now I dont' ask for anything that I don't feel is important it is government money they are spending but I have cancer of the bowel and with the other mental and health issues I suffer from a bath would have been a haven for me......do you agree or disagree with this? Make a comment please.................pretty please!!

My concern is that I am fairly articulate and can hold a conversation and don't waffle nor do I ask for anything other than the total necessities and keep quiet most of the time am totally amazed at her attitude - no sensitivities towards me at all - mind you we have history (will digress now and explain).

This woman was the Auckland City Council Tenancy Officer who gave me a house in 1996 for me and my two children. I had been on a waiting list for ages and finally got a Council House. This is so hard writing this....it was such a bloody saga of years of hard work and sadness.

The Auckland City Council decided to recalculate the housing (over 650 properties) and over night from making a $3,000,000-00 profit it was worth $85 million and making a loss....there were ofcourse 20 people in the housing area looking after these properties their salaries had been paid and all the maintenence had been done annually and they still make a profit. So the Mayor and Deputy Mayor set about selling all the properties (this wasn't the pensioner - this is another story (blog)) but there were all these people finding that there was a letter in their letterbox stating that they could purchase their property and/or leave as it was going to be sold. Now must say that this letter came after about a year and a half of campaigning against the sales but the Council finally ratified the sale so off they went.............started chucking out families and individuals -

My reason for going into public housing was the fact that I had been divorced and lost my home and for all sorts of other reasons lost my money and felt that I needed a permanent dwelling for me and my children that wouldn't be taken out from under us....What did I know....it happened.

Their way to get us out went into an amazing campaign the rents went up to "market rents" less 10%. This sounds kewl...but my rent physically went from $180-00 per week to $392-00 per week...The average rent in the area was high (we were close to the inner city) so we had to pay buckets......and buckets and buckets - thank God there were various Social Development additional funding grants to assist with this as I lost over $55-00 a week when I was recalculated at WINZ so we had less per week to live on eg: eat.

I won't say much more about this sale except there were suicides and mature people who had lived in their homes (some for over 70 years in the one house) were chucked out and re-housed most of the elderly were sent outside their suburbs and died...yes I say died. I buried about 10 within an eighteen month period. It was I thought the shittyist and most heanous crime a city could inflick on its citizens. mmmmmmmmm might tell more about this later in the year. Currently there are noises about buying housing back....F me.....what wankers!!!!!!!!!!! p.s. another Mayor sold up the 1,500 pensioner houses (another travisty) OMG don't they look around and see that people need to live and some can't afford to buy and some can't afford to pay exhorbant rents...we might be little people but WE MATTER!!!!!!!!!!! We are not a stastistic we are in need of help sometimes and I spent 7 years fighting this Council....yuk

So - ofcourse my Tenancy Officer now was working for them during this time so she hasn't particularly been keen to bond with me...I caused her grief in her old job so I assume she brought judgements with her to me here now...Can't think of any other reason for her behaviour. Menopause? take a pill and get over it...lolololololololol

I was listening to John Campbell's news tonight and had to laugh (out loud) that Housing New Zealand are having difficulties with a tenant who is causing grief all around where they are housed...the Tenancy Officer involved in this saga was also not able to cope. Might I suggest that they train (TRAIN) these people so they don't bring their predgeous(can't spell) and all their s...t into their jobs and deal with what they have to deal with compassion, firmness and thought - or am I just bloody stupid?

Wow just re-read this mmm a bit bolshie..eh?

I don't care I have had to survive years and years at the mercy of others and I have had enough..................................................................................................................................................

So don't know what will transpire about all of this 'cat' catalyst currently in my face but I trust that someone somewhere will take control and sort it all out in a positive way...or am I just dreaming?????????

Hospitals havens or just plain horrible?

2009-06-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Because I was only 8 years old and to be in traction for a significant length of time I couldn't fit into the cots in the children's ward so was put in a room all by myself in an adult ward. It was on the ground floor and boy oh boy! do I remember the outside of that window vividly.....

Will hose through a few months here as I was actually in hospital for 7 and a half months - a long time in anyone's book.

The fun times now: got to meet the original Zorro actor I have his autograph and also a mature actress who was a very well known child actress a singer a dancer and positively consumate at her craft - Shirley Temple - have her autograph as well. She ofcourse went on the be an Ambassador for America but this hadn't happened yet. I got to meet them because of the head nurse on the ward who knew they were coming to the hospital and told them that there was a little New Zealand girl who had an accident in her ward and could they talk with me....this lady (the head nurse) was lovely from memory and I got to learn how to promote watching her. After the traction (think about 3 weeks) I was placed into a plaster cast which ran from under my arms to the tops of my feet totally encapsulated in this heavy white smelly thing......

Now understand here that when you are a beached whale and you cannot scratch through a cast, you cannot wriggle, you cannot move or turn over - it was like being a bbq chicken and every half hour for months they turned me over - OMG what a hassle only thing missing was the sauce and the heat....well actually the heat pretty much was a problem as it was sweltering outside July (summer) and I was sweltering inside my warm cocooooon......perspiring and generally a little off putting...lol

Just as a side bar when they took the cast off 4 and a half months (yeah months....later) I was covered in long black hairs and looked like a minky (think of how Peter Sellers talks in the Pink Panther) monkey...mmmmm yep it did wear off but my goodness I still have body issues with hair....can't stand to have any so am a waxing freak nowadays.

There wasn't a deoderant for such an event (the cast that is) so I ponged like a skunk and my mother who had a very low level of gagging with smells had months of hassle poor woman...don't know how she actually survived it all. Coming out the other end she an me had bonded to such an extent that I miss her so much every day and I'm 59. Amazing how close you can become to one person, we were pretty close before but she was the Mother and I was the Child (be seen and not heard) but with this trauma we became sooo close. That I will always be grateful for as it could well have gone lots of other ways.

While I was in the hospital my mother stayed in Palo Alto with a lady called Bess Mcquery...lovely women who looked after my mother kindly, well and with compassion and drove he backwards and forwards to the hospital every day for all those months. Bess was in her 70's and mum stopped in a room at the back of the house which looked out onto a lovely pool. Only big deal where Bess lived was she was in the flight path of the local Air Force field Moffitt Field OMG I remembered. The fighter planes would be norty the pilots would go through the sound barrier too close above the field and not wait until over the Pacific so the windows would constantly blow out and smash...this was an ongoing issue for Bess who had someone come immediately she phoned them and it got fixed. Trying to remember how many were trashed in the 8 months think maybe 7 or 8....a significant number. No such thing then as safty glass and those pilots were norty guys. They also used to fly in formation heaps over the top of the hospital and if the nurses knew a time I was put on a gurney and wheeled outside (ensuring I was right way up...lol) to watch them.

Guess what my favourite movie is (not because of the actors, dont care about them) eye candy only, - do like the guy who dies - Goose???) its the PLANES and THE FLYING "Top Gun"...yep I'm an airforce junky. Also a blog coming up about Viet Nam war about military men as well...(enough said)...hhhahhhahhahhahhahha Never been up in a fighter jet but on my list of things to hopefully do before I cark it....

One of the things they had to be careful about was when I went outside I had to have a towel over my head so I didn't cook on the exposed skin (I was a cooking tomale under the cast - lol) but they didn't want me to burn as well....but bugger me boy I remember being so hot I was gasping with my mother running between the doors trying to keep them open and trying to push me (who weighed a tonne) into the shade...In a very pretty floral frock purchased at the mall accross from the hospital. Also this mall has a significant memory my mother purchased me a barbie doll from the toy shop there batch number 25 - Oh she was wonderful so thin and beautiful with painted toe nails...mmmmm(sold her about 8 years ago to feed us) got good money and went to a really good home the woman who purchased her adores her and she is the centre of her collection, now I digress:

The next day after the accident the New Zealand Consulate General arrived at the hospital he had been called by the Administrator to get down there as soon as possible to try and sort out my Mother and work out what to do. Remember we were not insured???? mmmm interesting as it eventually caused great grief.

In my first Monteray blog I told you about presents being left in our cabin...Well guess what inside these were American currency notes - friends had gifted (as far as I know) about $2,000-00 U.S. dollars - this was all secretly done as New Zealand had an extremely unusual overseas monetry policy about overseas funds and you couldn't acquire any money here from other countries except the amount you were officially allowed via the Government system (can't remember how much but not a lot)...it was a tough system.

Money - now the root of all evil!!!!! as the saying goes well is bloody well is needed when you are left in a Country that far away from home with nothing but the cloths you were standing in and an overnight bag - the luggage had gone up to San Francisco and had been put on the ship - it came back to N.Z. we didnt.....hehehehe

Our Prime Minister of the time Mr Walter Nash allowed 3 pounds a day total for any overseas visit to that was approx. $12.00 U.S. a day. Might have been less anyway it wasn't enough to survive. Before you left N.Z. you paid for everything you could via the travel agents including food, transfers, you name it it was paid before you left our shores.....as there was no way of getting money transferred from New Zealand to anywhere in the world...now note this because......my mother didn't have any money after one (1) week so Bess paid all her expenses for months. In the meantime the Consulate General and his wife and the others who worked in the Consulate in San Francisco became good friends and also helped out with food etc. and clothing for Mother and eventually for me.

At the end of the time when the cast came off - I couldn't walk or even turn over myself I was still a cast sheep. The process of walking and sitting up and all the normal things I had done before this accident wouldn't happen. Now this was scary...I couldn't co-ordinate my head to pick up a knee or move a foot without someone there and the physio therapists worked miracles. We went from lying down totally to semi-sitting up, one pillow, I got vertigo so wasn't a happy camper, this took about 3 days, then two pillows and finally actually able to sit up unaided. During the wearing of my cast when I ate I had to be on my tummy as I would have choked if I had been on my back. Your brain makes you do wierd stuff when you have been that traumatised...and takes re-programming at a great rate to come back to any form of normality.

The hairy minky was slowly taken to the edge of the bed and legs were put over the side after a week, now I from that moment/point in my life have suffered from vertigo and will till the day I dye!!!...I looked at the ground and the ground fell away from me, they said I went very white and they knew this might happen but evidently they were hoping it wouldn't but trust me - went to the dark side STRAIGHT away.............lol Since this accident 51 years ago (date 6th July, 1959) I have issues with escallators and anything that I can't have control over totally eg: I want to drive the plane - pilot can watch. Its a mechanism that kicked in and hasn't as yet kicked out....bummer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do note that I actually got on the down escallator at Auckland Hospital the other morning at 4a.m. after visiting my friends mother by myself holding a bag and a coat...I feel blessed but won't be trying it any time soon...still is a very big problem for me. I know every elevator in Auckland and automatically used to go there and the kids would ride up or down....now I can somtimes go on an up but only when there is Versache or somthing really wanted at the top...its the stepping onto the moving floor just can't do it....not possible would rather just meld into the floor and no longer exist its that strong.....hehehehelololol

I then graduated to a walker in which I would sit for about a week didn't move as I was too bloody scared so this one was a bit of a battle for them I would cry and just shake, evientually I think they put a donut at the end of the hall and pushed me towards it - I will do almost anything for a proper donut - has to be a yanky fat juicy one...I can actually make them myself (not as good as shop bought though) donuts, mmmm want one NOW. Preference cream with powdered sugar yummy!!!!!!

Finally got to stand up after about 3 weeks and then the process of putting one foot in front of the other was my task for the day. There was one big problemo though,,,,,you had to get off the bed, bring your feet over the side - shit!!!!! no way, absolutely NO WaY!!!!!!!!! They always had to have someone there or I wouldn't move off the bed too hard.

Took probably about a month to get to the point of walking with the walker and then I had to graduate to the bloody wall - no walker!!!mmmmm now this was a significant challenge - no support no metal form around you no protection, bugger off.......Evidently my mother never knew how strong willed I was until the therapy stage and I am still to this day absolutely my own person with regard to my own body and where it goes and how I use it and where I put it down.

So at the end of that moving forward time I moved out of the hospital to Bess's house and found water....mmmm pools, swimming and boyancy - God its good. Water and I are total friends and I can swim like a fish - prefer under the water though like to swim like a dolphin or whale (mmm big fish) interesting!!!!

Now what to do when you don't have money and you are considered an alien and now owe over $100,000-00 to the hospital - this would be a blog but I'll just move on to the big bits....No insurance, no way to get back to New Zealand (the ships wouldn't take me and flying they wouldn't either) too sick and they just threw their hands up in horror and said sorry not allowed...so we were Stuck..in California unable to move....finishing here today

It was a conundrum of gigantic proportions.........

enough said

CRAZY DAYS - good or bad? Refreshing Yeah Rite!

2009-06-21T04:16:00.000-07:00

Just a few jumbled notes tonight as I am sitting here seething with my teeth clenched about an issue that has been going on for over 5 (yes I say five) years.....I live in a nest of 36 townhouses and feel very priviledged to do so. Since we moved in there has been a local big black tom cat who has ruled the roost daily, nightly and every single minute of every single day....he has driven me to distraction!!!! Flatmates over this time have found him to be totally abhorant and have chased him, thrown things out windows at him (as he was calling full volume when he felt like it anything from lunch time trought to 5a.m.) and generally becoming disturbed at their own behaviour because of this f...ing cat.

He is huge, totally black with huge yellow eyes the eyes have it....that is all you can see of the little s...t when its dark he melds into the woodwork and I have been known to be out at 3a.m. with a torch trying to chase him off my garden after missing him inside - he is just so quick. I have waited beside the cat door falling asleep with a quilt to throw over him I became so desperate one spring. The reason I am so inflamed is - our landlords have known who owned this cat all along and we (I mean quite a number of us who live here) have complained about him on many occasions and NOTHING evidently under the law of the land can be done about it. My tenancy liasion person organised a call to the owner last week and told her that I would be talking with her so I took down a letter to his owner and she agreed that he would be nutered within 7 days and kept inside until his behaviour was modified. THIS HASN'T HAPPENED.....the reason given that the nutering hadn't been done before was it was too expensive...yeah rite! $23 at the S.P.C.A.

He has been in my cat door tonight five times between 8p.m. and now 11.20p.m. The most objectional thing he does (other than eat my girls' food every night) is spray and I mean buckets of smelly awful puking spray on every surface in every nook and cranny. You come downstairs in the morning and ofcourse immediately know from the wafting breeze he has been in and DONE it - probably more than one spot. My newest lovely Missy Miss Missy growls when he comes through the cat door so tonight I had warning that he was out and about.... Morning ritual get out the Janola and wipe everything down....enough of this little bugger I am collecting a cat trap tomorrow and he is for the high jump if he comes anywhere near my house and my girls. That little bit of one too many straws has fallen on my back..lolol

Enough of this -

Had a friend over for a sleep over last night and she wrote down a little ditty for me to add into my blog tonight, here it is:

About 39 years ago there was an elderly man (a local hermit) who had served in the second world war as a Tank Commander. When he returned to New Zealand he had shell shock and because of his experiences became introverted and did ponder on the world as he knew it.....only speaking to locals where he lived. My friend was a youngster and she will always remember what he said - see we all have stuff that just won't go away!!!!!!

Note: I think I may have heard similar to this before (but then hard drive on standby at moment) lol

'communism breeds capitalism and capitalism breeds communism' is this right I wonder....???????

He also had a little rider to this statement that no one person had the right to dictate to another person the path they were to travel in other words don't be pedantic and push someone into doing something they didn't need or want to do. Everyone goes at their own drum beat and this I do agree with....so there is the ditty.

A bit too deep for me tonight but think it may be a reasonably valid point and something to have a discussion on at a dinner party...posh eh?

Am going to post this early and then go out to my 'oasis' for a drink of coffee or maybe a fruit juice or break out totally and have a diet coke.....will re blog again later after a break...

C u soon
brb

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

Well that was a bit of a fizzle...I saw 4 cars in my entire trip was out all of 25 minutes as all my spots here shut....I forgot!!! Sunday night in Auckland nothing open past 11 p.m.????????

So I did the only thing that was feasible I went through the McDonalds drive through and on the coldest night of the year so far.....brrrrrr I got a 50 cent soft serve cone which I am now licking whilst typing this little bit on the bottom.........

I'm going to bed I'm tired and grizzly

Cheers

Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome - lifelong affects California 1959

2009-06-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

Now in my last blog about California I illuded to an incident - well here is the gist of it.....

The night before we were to leave to come back to New Zealand on the Mariposa we had to stay in a motel in San Jose (just out of San Francisco) as the children of our friends had measles and I hadn't had them so they thought it best for us to stay overnight and then be collected in the morning and then be taken into San Francisco to the ship.

We arrived at this motel 'Ricky's Studio Inn' in Palo Alto and what a shambles ensued. We booked in and then took ourselves (mother and I) into the lift which was really cool a glass one on the outside of the motel going up to the 3rd floor to our room. The lift stuck between the lobby and the first floor and then the saga begins.....

It was July 1959 extremely hot and there was no air in the lift after about 10 minutes as the sun was shining and the air-conditioning didn't work unless the lift was working. We were stuck inside like fish in a bowl with another lady who started to hyperventilate and my mother got her to sit down and tried to calm her down...this didn't happen as she had a panic attack - so we are stuck inside the lift with no air, about 120 degrees and rising and with a woman who was flipping out.

On the outside in the Lobby people were trying the organise the opening of the lift doors but they were firmly stuck because of the lack of air inside and the vacume it was causing. It was so hot in there I can still remember how awful it felt and every now and then (even 52 years later) can totally go into that space and flip out myself. Typically they called the police and a fire crew who endeavoured to get us out. They didn't want us to sue them (we did this is another blog) so they were working very hard and very fast to organise an exit.

We were actually stuck inside for over 1 and a half hours and in the end we were almost comotose and starting to become very unwell. In the meantime outside in the lobby the service crews were trying to fix the lift and had gone down the service man hole and were working on the electrics. They were unable to break the windows of the lift as it was brand new and had very thick glass.......only been in two outside glass lifts in my life since...wonder why lollollol

Finally the doors were prized open and we were helped out by two firemen and one policeman. We were being assisted acrosss the lobby and I was holding my mother's hand. We were half way to the seats and I disappeared down into the man hole. I fell down 16 feet into the service hole as the lid had not been put back properly by the crew and the lid also fell on top of me. On the way down I took off my nose on the metal steps (I can remember them as I fell) and landed in the bottom and then the lid fell on top of me. This lid was heavy and tiled as the lobby was black and white ceramic tiles which I had noticed was very pretty never going to have a black and white floor in any house of mine..hehehehe

My mother was at the top of the service hole screaming down at me and the policeman leapt down and pulled the lid off me. Now I can remember exactly what was inside this area to this day! I looked around it wasn't very big maybe 6ft by 8ft???? I didn't feel bad I just felt very heavy and the policeman lifted me out by taking me up with a firemans lift. There was an absolute shambles at the top when he lifted me out and I must have looked absolutely awful my mother nearly fainted as my nose was missing (pushed up onto my forhead) and the was significant bleeding (blood everywhere not only on my face and head but also on my legs) I had broken my femur and it was protruding through the skin. This for me wasn't that traumatic, all I wanted to see was my face and no one would get a mirror. I had seen the horror on my mothers face and wanted to see what she was seeing. I remember asking many times for this over the next few hours but they wouldn't show me as the bone was protruding out and there was no skin over it. My leg had been up behind me and was badly broken. I have in my own home always had heaps of mirrors and I know there is a fundimental issue with them......

The policeman I wrote to for 15 years after this incident and he died in 1974 he retired from the force in 1961 Mick Fendonson I think, I will always be grateful to him for his help and his calm and amazing demeanour it was so bizare he was so calm and everyone else was totally flipping out. By this stage the ambulance had arrived but they wouldn't take me as we didn't have insurance and according to the driver we were also aliens and therefore non transportable. Now I remember my mother walking up to this man and saying the following about 3 inches from his face...'if you don't take my daughter to the hospital NOW IMMEDIATELY I will put a Maori hoodoo on you that will kill you and yours for eternity' OMG this is etched in my brain and how she got it out I don't know. Trauma at this level is such an amazing thing....you have total control but no control at all.

The driver of the ambulance flinched and mumbled something - don't know what - but they put me in the back of the ambulance and we took off with the siren going full bore. Nowadays I don't flinch when I hear a similar siren but for a long time I would tremble when I heard one. Very pleased that sirens are also differnt sounding now.!!!!!!

The nearest hospital was the Palo Alto Medical Centre attached to the Stamford University. It was their training hospital and a state of the art facility but reasonably old. They backed into the bay and just as the doors opened out walked two doctors who were going home from their shift. They overheard my mother talking and because of her accent walked over and asked if we needed help? Mother said that we were from New Zealand and that she needed help with me as I was at that point starting to lose so much blood that I was evidently at deaths door, this I was told some months later.

Doctors Mark Granis and William Fielder (their names are etched in my brain as well) took the gurney from the medic and ran me inside to the trauma centre. At this point I think I was reasonably together and asking lots of questions the main one being I want a mirror.........now please?? I wanted to see what had happened.

Dr William Fielder had been in New Zealand during the war and he was a plastic surgeon and Mark Granis was a bone guru. Fancy out of all the world finding these two men in all this panic in America at the same time in the same place....there is a God!!!!

Now because of my injuries they were unable to give me any pain medication and from that point on in my life I have watched so many hospital dramas (and I wonder why?) with objectiveness and know so much about medical proceedures I should have actually become a doctor myself. I was fully awake and they started to work on me with a nurse immediately cleaning off the blood and one doctor at my head and one at my waist they started their healing proceedures and used all their consumate skills to get me right.

He stitched on my nose by bringing the skin down over the bone and he refashioned it on the spot. So I don't have the same nose as the family nose....hehehe I had over 350 stitchs I think and have a photograph of me in the hopsital about two weeks later and I look amazing with all these black sutures in my nose.....the leg was another story. He had to put the bone back under the skin stitch the skin together and drilled through from the right to the left of my leg at my knee (I still have two little scars) with an actual drill (hand driven) and he put in a metal pin. I was then put into traction for about 3 weeks.

Duriing this time I was fully awake and can remember everything that they did and what they talked about vividly..... My mother wasn't told to leave she stood next to me for the 3 hours it took to get me right and during that time she and the doctors talked about the war, New Zealand and everything you can think of....while they dilligently worked on my body.

I apologise to those of you who may be squeemish, for me it wasn't that bad but for my mother it must have been so bloody awful and so far out there......the next day she had a shower and because of the trauma caused all the colour in her hair actually went and she went from blonde to white literally overnight.

Now I'm going to stop here as there is a plethora of other stuff to tell you guys and I know that finally after all these years writing this down hopefully will take it out of my brain sufficiently for me to move on.....

I have suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome ever since and I had a psychotic break at aged 47 when they diagnosed me as bi-polar....but this is another blog.

Night night all.......

Talk to you soon again

Anal retentativness - an illusion, a necessity or just bloody boring?

2009-06-19T01:49:00.001-07:00

Who of you suffers with this? - well I do. I am totally retentative about so many things that I feel sometimes I am a robot who was pre-programmed and is now getting new software and coming alive on all sorts of different levels.

Tonight after I had some early dinner of poached eggs on crumpets I went out and had a little look at the world my oasis was buzzing with heaps of people. There were probably 300 or so with lots outside and I got to talk with a number of them - me being so shy and unable to converse lol lol lol (shut me up - sometimes I wonder if I am going to be like my mother and get a chill and not be able to speak at all) heaven help you lot out there if I can't speak bet your life I will be typing at an anal retentative speed of about 85 words per minute.

When I'm on typing fire I can type like a virtual machine and adore the think and type at the same time (I channel...hehehehe) who? what? whom? Or do I just spew forth words at a great rate that no one actually wants to read. Honestly, I dont' give a s...t if you read this or not I'm enjoying writing it so that all I need covered. Moi rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just had a 5 minute break - am back on board and off at a roaring pace.......lol

My next door neighbour's mother had made soup (various flavours) and I was lucky enough for him to have dropped off some for me I'm eating the most wonderful old fashioned pea and ham soup with a real and I say real bacon bone....Oh its almost better than xxx.

Talking about xxx its so amazing for me to watch the poncing about that the new younger metro-sexual males and females are attaching each other with.....tonight at my 'oasis' I had ofcourse the opportunity to watch, learn and listen and now type about their behavioural manifistations of I want, I need, I am available. Wow time doesn't change much in the world we are all looking for our nirvana with that other person...will we get it, is it actually out there and do we deserve what we get? Don't know. Time hasn't moved on in this area for millenia in fact probably the same behaviour since the tribes except in different clothing and masked as different social skills - no clubs and dragging, just smiles with perfect white teeth and Tshirts with an infinite number of logo's and/or other stuff on them. All hard to read on the guys as they were also wearing jackets (well most were) and I do find it fun to try and fix the whole wording missing the edges......hehehe

Met and chatted with about half a dozen people who didn't seem to mind me butting in, in my normal big smile warm personality I'm yours, mode.....roll on the best book int he world behavioural traits by Alan Pease the most amazing book everyone in the world should read it, but because they havn't hehehehe I get to use all his jargon and body movements well and with ease. I have always been able to speak to anyone. My mother taught me to converse at an early age as she wasn't one for waffling and liked to come to the point pretty damn fast and I have her traits down and dirty to a T.....

Body language is the most fascinating subject in the world in my book...I adore it as it is such a tell....look at those who play poker in movies and I remember watching a James Bond recently (with the blonde guy) and they were ofcourse talking about the tell of those at the poker table. My tell, now that would be telling - I have learnt to mask from about the age of 11 years. It is a pretty damn good way to get past people and into a space where they think automatically you are only there to listen to them and they are the most important person in the room, which is handy when you are strutting your stuff and networking, like I do when I am out. Always have done and always will don't mind speaking to total strangers but often nowadays strangers get totally paranoid if you look at them let alone speak to them....This is an entire blog on its own peeps....

Sipping my soup and listening to a movie on Sky in the background and they are making out - ewwww sounds awful doesn't go down well with pea and ham soup...lol

Now this blog was about anal retentativeness.....well here is a little list of some of mine and you are not (a) to feel sorri for me or (b) laugh...we are all different and so......

Most of mine are daily rituals - today Friday came home just before in good clothing next thing I'm out at the rubbish bin, Friday night has always been orgnaise the rubbish in the entire house (during the day) and for what reason I know not, you take it all out when its dark...this I have done for over 50 years (mmmm - good, bad, stupid, silly???) whatever still do it no matter what. Now this can happen any time from 6 p.m. through to the following morning as long as its done Friday night.....K?

Tooth brush and holder these are kept within a .0005mm of each other as they cannot be apart they would blow up.....lol They are all colour coded (have 3 in total) one for the polish, one for the toothpaste and one for the salt and water mixture I make up...(ask me what its for lol lol?) They also have to been totally clean I mean the container so it gets rinsed out every second day (via ritual) when I clean my teeth first thing in the morning....you?

Toilet paper - has to be a certain thickness (thank God I have progressed here and purchase the cheapest at the supermarket) had to change this one too bloody expensive otherwise for bog fodder......this progression people did happen about 25 years ago so its long standing. It must go on the holder facing out....and you use what you wish (can be challenging here) but has to be on the tear and level at the end......you? Don't do well in public toilets and other peoples houses but I cope with this on the chin.....

Knives and forks - in the drawer must in from left to right knives, soup spoons, forks, ordinary spoons then longer items facing to the outside of the drawer.....teaspoons and other items always facing handle right (ALWAYS) or they blow up......lol lol and must be up the same way, facing up not in a higgldy piggldy way - even and just so, YOU?

I think I have had enough of this above feeling really ewweeee - wow I don't know why I am so like this but it makes my world orderly and I feel so much more secure if it is as I put it....this is why I don't do well when people HELP with the washing up after a party they don't do it right and I cringe for days setting my place back - just so.........

Are any of you aware of your anal retentativeness and how it manifests itself? I only know mine intimately because of the bi-polarism diagnosis and you really do look long and hard at your behaviour and why and how it all happens - or you go mad.....well I think that!!!!!! NO MORE MEDS NO LONGER MAD WOW WOW LOL LOL LOL - just a blogger and into it in a big way....who knew!!!

Can see a second blog on its way as its only 9.30 p.m. this has only taken 23 minutes...

See you all later

Cheers

HIGH HEELS an abomination or sexy?

2009-06-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

Decided on some R & R tonight so took myself to Sale St. to watch the world inside a bubble....it was as usual extremely interesting, frustrating and uplifiting all at the same time.

I have a comment though - hence the title WHY ON GOD'S EARTH DO GIRLS WEAR HIGH HEELS THAT THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHEN THEY WALK? Watched a significant number of them flouncing about and most were unable to walk properly in their high heels. They walked on the sides of the heels, the tips of their shoes, the heels where down on different sides and no longer straight - I became mesmerised with how badly they walked and danced and generally tittered about in them. Side bar - also most had stockings on that didn't match their shoes. There were some exceptions though one or two really knew how to stride it out properly by controlling their gate and walking with confidence - the others were certainly a worry lol lol lol I was only there for an hour and watched them also become a little more tipsy and they got worse...OMG....what to do? Start a how to walk properly in high heels lessons (transgendered walk better than most of these girls did) lol

I chatted to both the Irish waiters (they are not only great eye candy they are actually very nice young men and very helpful) know their stuff and really cater to all the whims of the patrons.

Micky the barman made me a special amazing new drink for moi which he named a "Rose Petal" exotic, sexy and delicious - pink and pretty presented perfectly - precisely as perceived........it is a non-alcholic drink of simplicity and tastes like heaven. I would have had more but the diabetes was on the blitz so had one (should have had at least 3) and came home to write a little blog. First time ever I have had a drink made especially for me and named as well.....wow I feel very blessed (and not in a cocky nor smurky way) actually quite chuffed.

Now this young barman has always a happy smile and is very good at what he does sorts out the patrons with flair and I left it to him to organise (make me something special without booze?) he wallowed into the challenge and before the blink of an eye and a shaken (not stirred) cocktail shaker it was ready in a lovely glass with straws..mmmmmm yummy. He has kept the recipe secret but trust me its a real gooer........

I had a good opportunity from where I sat to watch the punters and some of them really shouldn't be let out after 4 p.m. it was only 9.30 at night and they were already going hard at it...drinking that is!!! and making total cakes of themselves. As I left there were a few young men coming in wearing kilts which was nice to see - have no idea why but probably a stag night?????

Getting back to these young ladies dear oh dear they have no idea I suppose how they are perceived by others (especailly older critical wimin) they are out to impress (who?) they are out to have a good time (why?) and I make a judgement call here - there is nothing more off putting or evil than a young lady drunk in her heels trying to be sophisticated and it going down like a cat at a fish farm......(I'm not judgemental nor am I critical!!! - make personal note for hard drive)

This was the second time today I had been at this venue earlier today I collected my friend from the hospital where her mother is and she decided that after spening last night there it would be a great idea to go sit in the sunshine have a coffee and a bite to eat. It was very theraputic for both of us sitting outside in my little oasis in the CBD, sipping latte's and eating bagels with bacon....(bit of an oxymoron lol) if you were in New York that would be a no no.....hehehe

I had a cigarette outside tonight and booggied on down (wiggled my old butt a few times to the beat of the DJ's music) and had a diet coke and ate some scallops on skewers which were delicious. I was looking around and realised that I maybe wasn't the oldest in the place the age range was rather flattering to the venue and how everyone worked in well together. There were the odd groups of businessmen!!!! loudly joking and laughing far too heartedly - wonder what joke that was? And the odd couple (no single sex ones as far as I could see) making g00 g00 eyes at each other and trying not to look around the see who was watching - Me Naw Not Me..... I was totally looking the other way NOT!!!!

Adore to just watch the world as it unfolds and tonight was certianly no exception enjoyable and entertaining for the time I was there. The staff are all so very very happy and at ease with their work I don't know where the owners get them from, or has it been I have been incarcerated for too long? They are there to open the door in a flash and if you feel like a drink I'm sure they telephathically know it....lol

I'm tired and am off to the never never land (not Michael Jacksons' one) the one where I snore and girgle.......

Am off now - enjoy this little bit of an update

See you again soon

MOVING ON Willingly or Not....Your Choice isn't it?

2009-06-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

At the moment my best friend's mother is dying in hospital this woman was the most amazing trail blazer who at 91 in finally giving up her world. I believe that she assisted so many people in her professional life that all the Gods in heaven will be so pleased to meet her. I am so sad for her children even though they have been so lucky to have her for all their lives up till now. I am waiting by the phone as she is becoming more and more porely as the days progress.....the Vyking ship is coming Helga God speed my sweet lady.

Well we all come and go in various ways this sadness has been just a little too much for me as it was just the anniversary of my own mothers passing 25 years ago. With my mother's death I did get something wonderful from it and will always be grateful to her for every single thing she did with me, for me, helped me, told me off, loved me and I miss her every day. With this blogging I would so much like to talk about how fantastic it is to get to do this.

My mother was born in 1906 in Gisborne and lived on a sheep station until she moved to the big smoke (Auckland) in 1918. Her first few years were incredible and her stories are still in my head. A week doesn't go by without my thinking of one of her anicdotes.

Will from time to time tell you little stores of what a single little girl got up to on a huge sheep station all by herself with nothing to do - structured that is - so she made up her own fun.

One of my favourite stories is about how they used to get the pheasants to nest and stay on them. They would take a dropper and put a little brandy in their beaks and evidently they would sit there for days totally out of it and all would go according to plan. Another one is she used to pig hunt when she got to about 12 years old. She was a consumate horsewoman and could lay down on the side of her horse taking her pig dogs with her into the bush. This bush was so thick that you couldn't sit up straight on your horse - often it was laying down only.

Mum had 4 pig dogs of her own and she would go out with a bloody big gun, the dogs and a couple of other people (usually sheep shearers) to do a pig hunt. They always got one - must have been a hell of a lot about - they were huge Captain Cooker pigs and very very fierce. She did tell me once that one of her dogs was mauled and she had to sew it up then and there after she shot the pig. My God now I think how sweet she was in her cocktail frocks on the ship looking blond and beautiful. Will put up a photograph of her for you all to see.

She learn't to drive as they purchased one of the first cars in Gisborne in 1914 and they just put her in the car and off she drove - omg - the roads where almost non existant only made for horse and carts, but off she went and learn't how to drive over about 3 days and then all was kewl. The entire family (my mother, her aunt and uncle) would move in to the town during the winter as it was too cut off when it rained the rivers rose too high so they had to spend time in town.

Gisborne was the first port in the world to send a ship load of frozen sheep to England I think the date was 1800'something so it was a busy little town. Also had the first picture theatre and lots of innovative things because of its special position in our commercial history.

Now enough of that.....

On a happier note (yes there is one or two)!!!! I have been ever such a good girl and not tried to do too much as I must admit I have felt totally bloody with this Whooping Cough. I have decided that I have had enough of it so its going tomorrow and I'm back to normal (OMG - firstly what is normal?)

I will take myself out in the morning to brekkie as I have been incarcerated in this townhouse for ages and ages. I am looking foward to good coffee (not instant) and maybe a couple of poached eggs (I always break mine) and the trimmings. I luckily sold a couple of small items this week to supplement my lifestyle which is so high up there....lol lol

Havn't actually made up my mind yet where but I think possibly Herne Bay as the sun (we had a lovely cool day today) will be facing me and I can at least not wear 500 layers - it might even be warm enough to sit with just a jacket. Ofcourse the heavy sox and shoes to keep the ol tootsies warm as being diabetic my circulation is stuffed and I don't want to stand up and fall over because my feet are numb.

Not a good look at the best of times - one day I will tell you how many times I have actually fallen over, it should be in the Guinness Book of Records as the medications I was on made you drunk like a skunk..

On this note going to bed in anticipation of brekkie and a new day dawning...

Good night all

TWIN-SET AND PEARLS - California 1959 - I DON'T THINK SO

2009-06-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Well we were living with an American family in a tract house which made it very difficult to find when mother and I went for our daily constitution...'the walk' (once more around the Promonarde Deck to make 1 mile) we would try different ways each day but found that the local shops were fascinating.

There was a little block of shops at the end of the semi main road into the subdivision (think of the name on the wall but can't bring it up) sorri.   These shops were a plethoria of goodies and the main stop each day was the drug store. Now here we had chemists only and dairys but certainly NOT put together with a soda fountain OMG how decadent was this?   We not that slowly went through the menu pie, banana splits, pie a la mode, pie with cheese - you name it we tried it.   I still to this day have a favourite - hot fudge and marshmallow sundae with cream on the top and sprinkles. Except for the past 35 years or more I havn't been able to have the marshmallow part as no one here has brought it in. That lovely white fluffy stuff can't wait to get back to America and have one - now ofcourse its insulin first (Type 2 diabetes) but by God I'm going to have one first thing off the plane. When we eventually lived in San Francisco we went to Blums every second day for a treat on the way into Macys - Blums was off the Square and Macy's door was behind the soda fountain....wow it brings back memories and my mouth is full of water in anticipation mmmmm!!! interesting.

Now also in these shops was a PIZZA place which we checked out and found the interesting taste, texture and temptation of a double cheese about day 3.   One thing makes me laugh even now all those years later my mother nor I knew how to pronounce pizza - we learn't pretty quickly though as the nice Italian man behind the counter giggled every time we came in, we had called it pizzzaaaa...just say it WRONG and say the z's as ZED. Interesting!

A small flower shop with exotic flower we had never seen some of which we had had on the ship after we docked in Suva and Honolulu things that didn't really smell except looked so exotic and bizare to us from a daphney, hollihock, daliah and generally a fairly English garden.

The one way we found the house after our little walks, which probably were at least 2 miles, was that in the front garden when they first moved in they had planted a palm and it was slightly off centre so it was our Google Earth coming home to the right house indicator.   These palms had been distributed to all the houses for their gardens and so they were everywhere also the colour coding of the houses didn't help got in the wrong street (they all looked alike) went to a pink, yellow, blue or white house (we were pink) it was the wrong one....think of the movie with Michael J Fox and the tract housing featured in that - have a great memory for trivia....lol

Now on about the fifth day it was a Saturday and the other children decided that it would be a great idea to take me to see a movie at their local ciniplex (just opened) 1959. Now I had seen lots and lots of movies as my local picture theatre here in Remuera was the Tudor (long since gone) and they played films for the children on Saturdays so I had seen movies like "The Famous Five" and some children's adventure movies (all short probably only 1 hour long max) and ofcourse had seen the Wizard of Oz not long before we left for the States.

This local cinema wasn't that far away so the parents all decided that they would go to lunch and we could see the movie.   I was thrilled as it was the first time these American children had actually tried to bond with me I had been a total alien up until this point...but I was unaware of their plotting.......hehehehe   The movie house was enormous with hot buttered popcorn, soda and lots of lollies I had never seen before so armed with hands full of everything in we went.   Now in 1959 you could smoke inside the cinema and the movies ran on after each other not like in New Zealand where they played at 12.05, 1.45 6.30 etc. these just ran back to back.   We sat down and the last the credits were running for the movie - so settled in to be amazed and really looking forward to a break.   LITTLE DID I K N O W.......what was going to happen. Me (funnily enough I'm still gullible sometimes at 59 years old) but at 8 they had me good and proper.   It was a new style of movie for general release so age me being the youngest at 8 wasn't a problem. The movie started with enormous sound (quadraphonic - my ears just about blew out) and up on the screen............

The biggest most awful sight I had ever seen coming toward me - a cyclops dragging a (I supposed) dead dinosour which it had killed. O M G ......... I totally froze - must have gasped as they all giggled and said things like you ain't seen nothin yet!!!!!! The god awful puppets (certainly not in Lucas mode) were so frightening to me I just about cr....ed my pantiloons - the kids thought it a great joke and I had to sit there absolutely shit scared and frightened watching in awe and horror at what was being played out in front of me, the animals were fighting and groaning and making the most horrible noises I had ever heard....wow!!!! Now you wouldn't beleive it this movie effected me so much that when ever I got sick or had a fever or was upset for the following 15 odd years I would dream about this movie.......mmmmmmmmm

At the end of the movie which I am positive was 2 hours minimum long I was shaking so badly and so pale that they did have a moment of guilt and said I had eaten too may milk duds....yeah rite!!! hadn't swallowed my own saliva let alone any lollies "milk duds" my arse.

Next assimilation was that we moved on - there are gods in the heavens - I still have feelings of hate for those kids who made my life totally miserable - their dog as I said was their only saving grace. Wonder what ever happened to them NO I don't actually care.....

My mother couldn't even go to bat for me as she had no idea what I had seen that could have upset me so much so that was pretty much a no go area and the American parents just said it was probably just a little too long or loud for me (poor lil ol me.....)

We had become friends with a few people on the ship in other words mum had become friendly and they hadn't minded me well there was this mature couple from Bakersfield and they had asked us to go and stay with them for a week or so. Now we had to fit in all sorts of things in the couple of months between ships as we were booked on the Mariposa to come home....remember this guys?

Bakersfield - HOT as HELL I had never experienced heat like it not up the Death Valley standard but pretty damn close. It was only January but they were having a hot spell...now this couple were lovely Fred and Fran Williams (fancy that remembering their names) and they had grown up children and lived in a very moderate house in Bakersfield and the trip on the Monterey was their retirement treat. She was an amazing baker and I had my first ever lesson with a bunt cake with Fran. We found their house interesting as there were bathrooms for every bedroorm and outside was different as well no fences and every house kind of ran together with one lawn...don't know how it all worked then but understand now. They had the most magnificant tree at the bottom of their yard and I knew what it was - heaven help me - a walnut tree. I spend considerable time under this tree as we stayed with them which I will always remember as a treat.

Now Fred was a pilot and had a small Piper Cessner plane (sp) so he, my mother and myself would go to the local airport and get in his plane and off we would fly into the sunset...lol not!!!! I remember the entire area as they were building the water canals and it was like a patchwork quilt - totally awesome. So long ago....

I do have stored here somewhere lots of slides which I must get out and sort so that you can see what I am talking about I have originals from mum's kodak of these canals and the organge groves being planted etc. etc.

This little plane was noisy but we certainly covered a lot of ground. He was so quiet and flew us all over the place. Even went to Apple Valley which you could only fly into then...don't know about now. Must google and find out.

We hopped across the San Fernando Valley days at a time and had smooth and bumpy rides....takes me back. Now I would be worried that Fred (a) was too old to fly and could have had a heart attack and/or (b) that he was flirting with my mother....that's too dark to go to.....lol

They had just taken up their local car dealers offer for one of the new Cadillac cars the 1959 model with the huge fins out the back. Got to drive up to San Franscico in this with air-conditioning and huge long wide seats (no seat belts) and you slid across when you went around a corner not that there were many as we were mainly driving on Route 101 highway.....seen lots of pile ups on that highway as well over time. And ofcourse drove into S.F. past the Rose Bowl. Doubt it still is there. Remember asking Fred what was it and he said a ball park and I was none the wiser............hehehehehe

They took us back into San Francisco via Fresno, Menlow Park and San Jose which all became much more well know by us than you could ever imagine....alluding to something that happened that has affected me all my life. We settled into the San Franciscan Hotel just behind the St. Francis Hotel in Geary Street on the 11th floor in a room with a cupboard which was also a kitchen with a one element stove - this is for a later blog I can still make an entire meal on one element.

Then my mother and I started the serious part of our trip the shopping at all the various large department stores. Here in Auckland we had two Smith & Caugheys (still going) and Milne & Choyce (long gone) within walking distance of our hotel and dotted around and close to Union Square were the following: City of Paris, I Magnin, Joseph Magnin, Macys, Sacks Fitfh Ave, The White House and one other that I can't quite remember the name of.

On the corner of Powell and Geary was the Matson Line office which was the headquarters for the ships and on the other corner opposite the St. Francis was a coffe shop during the day and bar at night....Can see it in my minds eye but can't remember the name of it. Googled around the streets of S.F. not that long ago and something I didn't know was there. That was the corner where you could purchase the San Francisco Cronicle every day including weekend where they had coloured COMICS - wow, Oh, fantastic, bliss this place was just soooo kewl.

Near to us were a few other places as well some of which I would imagine have long gone but some are still there. The Manx Hotel, The Sir Francis Drake and ofcourse on top of the hill The Fairmont and the other one opposite (hard drive is down can't remember it) which had a Scottish theme bar in 1959. Trader Vic's restaurant and China Town. All will be revealed in more blogs later in the week.

We went to meet with the New Zealand Consulate General who eventually was to be of great assistance to both me and my mother in our time of trial.....

Nite all

See you all agian soon, not proof reading this its 3.09 a.m. so E & O E.....

WHOOPING COUGH at my age how STUPID is that - LOL

2009-06-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

Well I do some strange things and get strange things happening to me....Have been diagnosed with Whooping Cough something I thought I would never have again because I had it in 1957. I can remember feeling bad then with a hoop at the end of every time I coughed. The magic then was that if the hoop persisted best thing to do was take the child/person up in a small plane as it fixed it....Yeah Rite!!!! But from memory the hoop left me think only because I was so s..t scared in the plane. We went out to Ardmore and took a chartered flight around for about half an a hour. If nothing else my mother was forward thinking and whatever needed to be done to fix something got done - hence my first ever flight over Auckland.

Now I only feel sick like a dog......a bad bad silly silly stupid dog. My GP has been wonderful and he picked up that I probably had Whooping Cough but I said NO NO I don't have it I would be hooping....well I was (not very nice) but would have fit of the coughs and then (don't look if you don't want to - spew) which is the hoop part actually I think must be a type of gag reflex....Havn't been well for weeks but put it down to all sorts of other things. What a job today have had to advise all I've been in contact with that if they develop a spasmotic cough please see their GP or local Hospital and advise they have been close to an INFECTED person.....lil ol me lol lol lol lol

What can you do?

This life is such fun and games sometimes and pays to go with the flow even if it is uphill water being pushed up with a very sharp stick.

Now for some lighter and brigher news - well actually there isn't much, I am feeling better and not so tired havn't been able to sleep properly for weeks but this is called by the Chinese the 100 day (lurgie) ? he he he don't know the last word, but 100 days OMG hopefully I'm at day 92 - anything less and I will be totally pissed.

Been out and about amongst the world in my travels and thought I would share a few goodies with you concerning the brighter, spicer and definitely prettier side of my life.

Went up Ponsonby Road on Friday to just see what was happening and enjoyed it heaps strolled along with my new coat (from Trader in Dunedin $30-00) and looked in all the windows. One of my favourite things is to window shop as it costs nothing and you see all kinds of different and wonderful things that help make you and your day better.

Now there is this mens shop called Marvel Menswear and they have a range they manufacture themselves which is amazing - Oh to be involved with a Trillionaire who is a metro-sexual who would wear their gear....so so kewl and trendy and yet sophisticated and beautifully made. They have incredible stuff....pay to have a look. LOL they make me want to be a guy but maybe when I win Lotto this week I will buy some of the shirts and T's anyway they are so cool. They also have odds and ends of different china and bits and pieces that are for sale which make the interior of the shop a festive and fantastic area - love looking around. Thank you at Marvel Menswear for making my week happier and me to feel in the world and you gave me a few minutes of joy.

Next I mozzied off to the second hand frock shop which had some nice things but didn't have any money nor the inclination to go in BECAUSE as sure is there is rain, hail and sunshine I would have seen the handbag, shoes, whatever??? of my dreams and would have been unable to get them/it please feel sorri for me!!!!!!!

Then a quick jaunt down to see Texisradio and had a quick chat to them....my home away from home.

Now I'm going to finish up this blog as I'm about to start a coughing fit....

Cheers
Talk to you all later

Best Regards

SAN FRANCISCO - CALIFORNIA - THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

2009-06-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

The night before we were to arrive in San Francisco the ships news (which was printed daily on the ship) suggested that those of us who hadn't seen the Golden Gate Bridge might like to be up on deck at say 6.15 a.m. as we would be sailing underneath her we did get up early mother and I and were up and ready at 5.45 a.m. which was just as well - for what turned out to be for me an experience of a lifetime and somthing I will NEVER NEVER ever forget....

The sea was calm and beautifully green there was no breeze and a light smell in the air of something I have tried to remember many times - I think it might have been the 'golden' part of California unsure to this day. Will talk about this later.

The sky was getting lighter reasonably quickly and by 6 it was almost fully light. Now there was a fog or mist around in patches and didn't think much about that at the time. I was ofcourse totally bored and wanted to a. be back asleep or b. playing with the other kids (who hadn't come up on deck) or c. just anywhere else but where we were. Over the years this often happened mother had her ideas and so did I but I usually capitulated until I was at least 15 years old - best method to survive I feel.

We had been allowed to stand under the bridge on the fordeck and out of nowhere there was a wall of fog like a concrete wall straight across in front of the ship - this I thought at the time not a lot about but now when I recall it must have been the most amazing sight....

This fog/mist (which was quite thick) started to part and blobbed away in fairly big bits and in the distance I could just make out a shape wasn't able to decide what but there was a structure of some kind and it took probably another 10 mintues before you could see that it was the Golden Gate Bridge only visible in parts throught the mist and it got closer and closer and eventually there was the entire Bridge with the sun shining on it an absolutely (I do not lie) golden...it was as if it had materialized out of thin air. Now my attention was peeked at this point so I watched in awe as we steamed towards it.

Couldn't see any of the city just the Bridge and then all of a sudden it was up close and personal HUGE and AMAZING...you could see cars and movement on the Bridge but it was soooo coool.....

Don't know how to explain this but a big ship going under a huge Bridge into a harbour like that in San Francisco is awe inspiring even at 8 years old. The adults who had come to look were all chatting loudly but I don't know what they were saying can't remember too long ago.

Seemed that the ship picked up speed as we went underneath her, I looked up and we were on the other side within what seemed like a second now, but probably 3/4 minutes as she passed overhead.

Now you won't believe it but the second the bow of the ship was level with the Golden Gate Bridge we could see almost the entire city of San Francisco with the sun beating down on the buildings and shining off the glass windows. Now in Auckland we had buildings only up to 5 stories tall so can you imagine how wonderful it was to see tall skyscrapers (now ofcourse all probably gone and replaced with even bigger and better) but Coyt Tower and Alcatraz all there to be seen....wow its making me cry I'm crying typing this it was amazing, awesome, fantastic, not enough adjs to explain what it was like how it felt in my soul or gut or wherever.....

It was like disneyland (which I saw) but nothing can explain how it felt to see all of that as a picture and to be able to keep it in my minds eye for all these years, certianly must have been fantastingly grand enough to stick....for this many years and I must also have a photographic memory.

We birthed at the Port of San Francisco terminal almost under the sign. Think that sign may still be there don't know. Hope and pray that one day my children might experience such an event one that you can keep in your heart for your lifetime.

We were met at the pier by a daughter of one of my mother's friends who had married an American GI during the war. This had all be organised via written correspondence over a considerable number of months prior to our leaving Auckland. All went to plan they were at the dock waiting and yes she was wearing a red hat to be seen - my mother that is. Always hat and gloves for town!!!!!Oh and arriving in San Francisco, California same drill a suit, hat, gloves and polished handbag.

Me I was in my one and only frock - did get to go shopping though very soon after we arrived.

Now by the time we disembarked it was lunch time so our new American friends and New Zealand daughter of mum's mate all went to lunch at a restaurant - well there ofcourse were Americans speaking with American accents everywhere around us, traffic like we had never ever seen, cars, busses, trolly cars you name it was in our face big time which was scary I think....

The place they chose was close to the harbour but just a regular yanky eating place - which over the years I have eaten at literally hundreds. A menu the size of a Kiss poster (here in Auckland when you went out to lunch at Smith & Caughy's tea-room) a small white card was hand written with what was being served in the centre of the table with probably 5 items. This menu was the biggest M'f...k..r I have ever seen and had pancakes through to pie a la mode - you name it, it had it.

Mother decided that as she had heard of hamburgers during the war and maybe one of those would be an appropriate option so bugers and fries arrived with tab colas in glasses with ICE...omg omg omg ICE...never seen here in NZ except if you had a pimms and ofcourse were an adult, kids didn't get ice. Ice in an ordinary glass holy moly.

Now for the eating ritual. We eat (or I used to - had been taught to) eat with a knife and fork, fingers and hands NEVER...so how to tackle a hamburger with nothing other than a knife???? I was given the "LOOK" which mean't wait and see and I will advise what you are to do ex mother look...so I sat quietly (seen and not heard trying to meld into the plastic seating) but the kids started to eat their fries with their FINGERS and put tomato sauce on them and generally looked like mungrels I was scared shitless - the LOOK had been given so I had to wait until mother did her thing and I was then allowed to follow suit.

Mother picked up the burger with both hands very gently as she had watched friend's daughter and others pick them up and bite into it...so MUMZIE did as well except two things 1. you have to grab a burger pretty much firmly and take control and 2. dont bite little. lol lol

Can you imagine what happened the entire contents of the burger flew over the table away from the bun and mother had a small piece of the bun only in her mouth. Now the children laughed (Leo New Zealand mothers who were into children being seen and not heard unless spoken to glared at me - what the F had I done) with a look on her face that was amazing. Thank God she giggled and another was called for and away we went. THANK GOD I FINALLY GO TO BLOODY WELL EAT...I have always enjoyed burgers very much ever since that first encounter and fries with sauce, ice in soda drinks etc.etc.etc. all mine totally mine. One enourmous thing though has to be Heinz sauce can't swallow anything else. mmmm bit of a worry after 52 years. The bigger the burger the better the challenge in my book. I try and have one burger at least once a week I enjoy them that much I also make the most stunning ones at home but prefer those that others have made.

Now you see what programming does....its incidious and it stays in your brain forever......hehehe

We got into their car which was the size of a playing field (after an Austin black small and English which about 2 and 3/4 people could fit into here) with everyone squashed we drove from San Francisco to San Matel to their tract house and with our trunks etc. which arrived I know not how - maybe another car????? we got to stay in their back room. My best thing from the arrival at the house was their dog. They had a little sausage dog (can't remember its name) but it was sooooo sweet I was used to sheep dogs so this was certainly a Paris Hilton style by comparison to the live dogs I knew. Little well actually not that little eyes and they were so kind. The entire time we stayed with them which was about a week this dog was my constant companion.

My mother (who actually was a rather kind hearted and wonderful person - had been raised on a sheep station) so a dog only stayed outside they were not allowed inside at all...only (? she knew not whom) would have had a dog inside.

Getting tired guys will c u all later....

ongoing next bit quite funny

Cheers

Pet PEEVES and other such vile idiotic stuff

2009-06-12T06:21:00.000-07:00

Had an interesting trip in my wee car today, had to go out to collect something from the suburb of Mt. Eden and decided that I was loosing the plot big time - Street NUMBERS do they put them just so we can't see them and find where we are looking for or do they just demateralise to piss us off?

Is there a protocol for numbering? Don't know but I wish there was so I hence forth decree that everyone number their shop, house, whatever with BIG readable numbers so that little ol ladies like me don't cause accidents trying to read the fine print half hidden or obscured....took me ages to find where I needed to go I thank the Gods that it was raining and there was heaps of traffic so that was a plus but I seem to remember that this is something that causes me great grief every time I go out.....Signage could do with an uplift as well - maybe not put them all together and space them higher so they can be read over the SUV's ....lol

Going to list my pet peeves: see if you agree with any?

Small obscure numbering in streets

Cars driving up too close behind me - makes me slow down and really give them a run for their money

Drivers not looking where they are going and lane swerve without knowing it

Walkers not looking at the road properly or looking but not taking it in and jumping out in front of cars (now this one is also applicable to zebra crossings)

Indicating a lane change and the cars each side of you speeding up to not let you in or over

Always getting in between two or more large trucks when driving on the motorway - this one is a given!!!!

No indication when a car is turning or changing their minds and not turning off the indicator

My car is small 1200 cc and goes quite quickly - heavy metal to the pedal but don't like large cars thinking they own the road and taking up 20% of my lane as well

Rain - now you would think people would drive slower NAW speed in the wet weather is the norm nowadays

Trying to park in a space on the side of the road and nobody letting you do it - now this is a particular peeve of mine when I visit Ponsonby Road

Hoons (male and female) who have speedy cars who use their foot on their pedals like row boat oars

Oh I give up.....I just drive carefully, diligently and if I get a call or a text I wait until I can pull over and read it (cause I need to get out the readers anyway) and I don't drive along looking kewl talking on my phone - also am thinking of getting a hands free

Enough of this stuff....

Been watching Stargate Atlantis and have decided that yes I am a trekkie from way back and am really thrilled that a lot of ideas started in TV shows years ago are now the norm with technology. One thing I'm waiting for is the hole in the wall where I can go and say "iced coffee extra cream and sprinkles" and it will materialize in front of my eyes....go Star Trek

This tonight wasn't what I was originally going to talk about but I forgot so it was lets just get a coffee, sit at the laptop and start typing....so thats what your getting.

Might make this a shortish one today and do a second blog. My (now I got it wrong the other day - he isn't my son in law he is my daughter's significant other) - will use nick name here (S....y) made a comment and gave me feedback - he has been reading these WOW thank you xx. He has enjoyed the trip to America blogs and made me think of all sorts of things that I can say in one bloody huge blog and get to move along from say 1958 through to about 1963 in one hit....otherwise we will be here for another 30 years.

My oh My never thought I would have so much to say (type) at any stage in my life. Used to think it would be kewl to be a writer like a friend of mine who went to kindy at my school - interestingly enough the school was a girls school buy boys were allowed to join the kindergarten as they may or may not have had sisters going to the school. Now this friend is a blog on his own he is an experienced and very well known writer of many and various topics and I am in awe of how the hell he can do it. Also quick note did introduce him to his wife in London in 1968 and they are still together and have a number of children and grand children so did somthing right there......

Going to take a walk outside its 1.45 a.m. but have a nice back deck and will take a torch and check out my new fish....had two now have proper number for feng shui 3 all named and organised in Robyn Berry-Luke fashion. One called Senate, one called Congress and another called Washington Ave.....appropriate I thought.

Night all for this blog.

C u soon

OMG - what a week Ups and Downs.....and some sideways moves

2009-06-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

Well don't know where to start its been one hell of a week for me. Firstly thought I would like to share what for me was a funny and terribly giggly story.

My son in law arrived home to a large bag on his front door step this afternoon, now I had already emailed my daughter telling her that I was dropping this bag off - but ofcourse he didn't know this. He had called my mobile about two hours before I phoned him back and he was quite upset because....written on the bag in big black letters was "VALCRO" which is the name of my 15 year old Jack Russell. He hadn't touched the bag and had phoned me to find out why it was on their front door step.

Silly me burst out laughing as I realised what he had thought.....that I had dropped off my dead dog on their steps inside this bag - what a nasty mother in law thing to do...BUT I'm still giggling as I had used Valcro's old bag for when we took her on holiday or to the vet for a stay with all her goodies in it and it was marked with her name. Inside the bag were about 20 soft toys most of which were my daughters and sons from when they were little - I had had a big clean out. Don't think my son in law is going to trust me any time soon.....hehehehe

It had taken me a couple of hours to call him back because I was at a funeral of an old friend who I mentioned at the end of a blog last week. Her funeral was actually very moving, bright and cheerful for a change. It suited her beautifully and I'm sure she would have enjoyed it as much as we all did. I admit I spent the entire time crying but not for her for me, the world, my friends, my children and everyone who has had troubles and difficulties over the last few years. Being inside a lovely church quiet and calm made me go to pieces but in a very constructive way. Well I hope it was constructive.

I feel drained but these two little anicdotes above give you an idea of my bi-polar personality and life to match.

I felt like Hedda Hopper (we had Felicity Ferrit here in NZ for a while) I was looking at everyone at this funeral with a very different eye today thinking on their various and different journeys over the past 35 years. Some of us had known Sue for that long and some even longer - its different when someone passes away that is in your peer group, very difficult it makes you think of your own mortality.

Now for a less sobering note: lets talk about other things......

Well lets see what else happened to improve my week - now I have put together a wee parcel for The President, the First Lady and their daughters and was really chuffed that it can go in the Diplomatic pouch - this is something I had wanted to give him from the moment he because President as a personal gift. My mother had met Robert Kennedy during the Kennedy Presidential election campaign all those years ago in Tucson, Arizona (another blog story) and suffice to say I was lucky to have personal letters from both Robert and Edward Kennedy that I was able to gift to President Obama. I also sent The First Lady a Tui Flower cookery book and two little Maori kitti's for their daughters. Now this is not just to get a hands up - it is really meant as a nice present for a person I admire and nothing more....you make your own conclusions. (To all those of you out there who scoff at this - mmmmmm nasty face :))

I went to the second hand shop earlier in the week and treated myself to a new (old) pair of shoes, now to a lot of people this sounds uky uggy ewwww - well it isn't. Firstly they are worn in (none of that going to bed with the shoes on until your feet meld into them) and secondly designer shoes at $10 are infinitely more in my budget than the original $700 - all they needed were a very good polish buff up and away we went. p.s. I also put granny foot powder inside just in case lol - always was a lateral thinker.

I have spent time on this laptop going into every nook and cranny to advise the world that I'm now an official blogger but God thats hard. You get directed from here to there to here to there to I don't bloody well know where and back again. I am also always aprehensive that I'm going to blow up this poor little thing or give it a virus or worm or something nasty. So far so good!!!! or am I just lucky? Punk..lucky?

Did have an interesting personal tad of grief this week in as much as someone I had given time and effort to was less than impressed and in fact quite rude and horrid, please feel sorry for me - he was a total a...h..e!!! and there I was being such a nice little older mature woman being what I thought was helpful and considerate when he thought I was an old dragon...so I musn't be that wonderful to all...hey?????won't be drinking coffee where he is anymore....ask me ask me ask me lol won't tell ya though punk.....

Now that is the vitriolic part over - had lunch at Sale St. was amazing as usual a sunny day outside in my oasis with the Herald, my chai, my fries and a wee bit of eye candy out of the side of my eye....now at my age I suppose eye candy only can be in the form of a movie star on the big screen - naw we still have feelings and some fantasies and on that note guess what???

Yesterday I had my first ever cosmetic proceedure with my wonderful Garsing at Sapphire Oh he is the best and I mean the BEST...(xxx) sorry Margaret - it did hurt but I pretended to be soooo brave he thought me an angel (naw only joking I was so numbed up I couldn't see straight) - I now feel 20 Oh no 10 years younger. It actually did work on more than one level it stopped my dribbling (now for those of you who are young just you WAIT) gravity and age does change the way your face falls (off mostly) down but what he did which only took about 10 minutes for him and 3/4 of an hour of numbing cream tipped the edges of my mouth up a tad and literally has stopped the dribbling. All day I havn't had to ensure that the sides of my mouth were wet......IT WORKED W E L L and worth every penny I had saved up. Will let you all know when the next one is done. The before and after photographs actually made me really look there was a significant difference but so subtle that I just looked younger OMG....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting ready for that golden statue for blogging....lol

Was dog tired when I sat down and ofcourse am now pumping so will go have some dinner and think about today. Might write a blog tomorrow about what everyone was wearing at the funeral today and do a propper Hedda on them.....

Cheers

See you soon

Monteray on the high seas

2009-06-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

We left off at afternoon tea on the first day after leaving Auckland, so now we will jump along a little faster to get to Hawaii - which was very special for me we were there at a very auspicious time.

As I was the only child on the ship I was treated with kid gloves.....pardon the pun! Most of the adults while I was walking past moved to one side - just in case they touched me - this is what I thought at the time but now probably 52 years on can imagine why - didn't with to converse or become involved in any way with the sprog....

The staff were a little more polite but I spent most of my time sitting on the deck in a deck chair watching the sea go past colouring in in my colouring in book. There was nothing geared up for us (me) but it did improve after Fiji.

Fiji arrived at about 5 a.m. my mother and I went up on deck and couldn't believe how warm and balmy the air was. Neither of us had experienced the tropics and man was it kewl. Sun frocks at the ready we after we had docked went for a tiki tour.

This is 1958 so there were hardly any vehicles and not that many tourists. Their main buzz came when ships called into port in Suva. We took a taxi with another three people to the Maggie Grey Hotel for a cuppa....tea and bickies.

Walked through the streets and went back on board for lunch. It had been planned that there would be a visit to a village in the afternoon and this I was really looking forward to we had been told about daning and singing wow I wanted to see all that. What I didn't realise was that there would be a kava ceremony and my mother would have to partake of this drink as did all the adults on this little tour.

The circle of guests around the kava bowl and making of the drink were totally entralled as this man worked water through what looked like to me straw - just like on my uncle's farm in N.Z. - BUT this stuff as I now know has a wee bit of a kick.

Each person was offered a bowl and our tour guide from the ship had wised everyone up that you had to drink the entire contents of the bowl or it would be considered a slight....came to my mum - they handed her the coconut half cup about one third full. Bravely she took it with both hands as the others had done and placed it up to her lips. Now I knew my mothers perpensity to gagging.....any unusual smell, sound etc. made her stomach gag........evidently the aroma was enough to get the gag in motion but ofcourse being the 'lady' she was there was no way in hell she wasn't going to down this lot.....poor woman - it went down fast, came back up a bit, went down again, came back up a bit and finally after holding her mouth firmly shut I think it went down. At that stage everyone was laughing and her gagging could have been heard on the other side of the island. But I give her marks 10 out of 10 she did keep it down but took a day or so to get over the event.

In the lounge on the ship there was against a wall a box covered with a cloth. It had a sign that said do not uncover or touch - now for me as a nosy kid that was just too much. Every time I was near it though there was always a steward looking and saying or gesticulating NO don't touch. I would ask what is it? they would just laugh and say you will find out when we get to Hawaii. Hence this bloody box became my obcession and I watched it with caution every day in case it moved or the cloth was changed - whatever it was my major issue.......for the entire trip. Except for the lurking behind the potted plants watching the adults dancing in the bar at night.....now thats an entire blog of its own.....learning curve for young child.

In Fiji another two children had joined the ship so there were a trio of untouchables but at least we could play cards together and colour in and watch the sea go past - doubt a child of today would be able to sit still as long as we had to. No running no talking loudly etc. etc. but we were allowed to swim in the pool at lunch time only when the buffet came out. I loved it because these ships didn't have stabalizers and bucked and bronkoed quite a bit - therefore the pool was only about a third full as it would be at the top one minute on one side and then go up the other - backward and forwards like a wave machine (people pay money to play with that kind of stuff now)...he he he

The adults were allowed to swim at all other times but us sprogs only had from 11 through to 1 ish I think - we didn't have sun screen then so we all ended up like little red chillies but that was how it was.

One fantastic amazing person was on board - she was a famous movie star - I remember her as being the most beautiful person woman I actually think I have ever seen even up to now.... She wore parios coloured with flowers and often one in her hair she had lovely dark hair that shone like gold and glass and always walked with grace....I was smitten. I was going to grow up to be her and look like her. I still have her autograph but I wasn't allowed to ask her the purser organised it from my mother's request. See kids were to be seen and not heard.......Heddi Lamar from the Road movies....what an amazing woman I will always remember being in the elevator with her and she actually smiled at me and I can still remember her perfume think it was gardenias......if I smell that flower even all these years later I remember her. At night she wore tight fitting dresses with high heels and every man on the ship didn't watch anything except her - first time I have ever seen women frothing at the mouth and nodding to each other in her direction with I assume some form of semiphor unwritten but all the women knowing what each other was thinking....

We sailed into Honolulu at I think about 7 a.m. and we had watched the most amazing sunrise....it was even more balmy than Fiji and the smell was amazing it was soft and sweet. All the boats came up to the ship and gave over wonderful smelling flower leias( sp ) We had to hurry of the ship as friends of my parents were staying in Honolulu - they were a couple who never had children and spent our New Zealand winters at the Royal Hawaian Hotel - he was eventually given a knighthood and had turned blind at the age of 30 something - Auntie Dore and Uncle Noel we were to meet them for lunch at the hotel and spend quality time with them for a couple of days off ship.

There was this wonderful pink building with a portico entrance we pulled up in the taxi and got out - well I don't think they do it now but then in the lobby there was a fountain which you could take a cup and drink from - it was a pineapple juice fountain....wow I was in heaven, except for the far too many I snuck in over two days and will always regret. The rooms that they had overlooked Waikaiki (all my spelling will be bad) and I had never seen a beach be groomed before and ofcourse it wasn't much of a beach too long before that it was a man enhanced one. Still is I think. There were also these few (and I mean 3 or 4) men on boards surfing - now that was a newbie especially even then.

What I remember most about the days we spent in Honolulu was the fact that it had just been made the 50th State so we had arrived in America being one of the first ships to do so, prior to that America was San Francisco....what a kewl thing - all I can say now it was wonderful but it was a long time ago.

I was allowed to sit with the adults in the outside bar which overlooked the beach in the early evening and my mum would have a pimms with all the goodies (cucumber etc. etc.) and also maybe have a maitai...(sp?) which made her as silly as a chook but also Dore as well so the ladies would be giggling and poor old Uncle Noel would be looking into space just nodding every now and then.

Back onto the ship and onward to San Francisco....as we left the harbour we threw our leias into the water which means that I will be going back - but hell its 52 years now will have to be pretty bloody soon or that ritual wasn't real.....

GUESS what was in the box in the lounge - IT WAS A BLACK AND WHITE TELEVISION SET - now that when I saw what it did turned me into a techno nut from that moment on. It was a cartoon on Tweety and Sylvester I think.....oooooohhhh TV finally got to NZ in about mid 1960's so this was spectacular.

Chat with you again soon.

Cheers

DISCRIMINATION - comes in all sorts of evil ways

2009-06-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

Well to those of you who might read this blog I am about to have a big rant....

This week has been one of those unusual cosmic lets get Robyn weeks....most of it has been great, interesting, able to improve my life, moved on constructively and was an enjoyable 98% of the time week.

Now for the cosmic shake ups - oh did they come down big time just on lil ol me - a light must have been shining on the top of my head from all the galaxies I've offended over my nearly 60 years. What do they say about consequences of any action - wow - I must have been a bad bad girl lately or this is karma coming back to bite me in the bum....hear me say (what have I done to deserve this).....cry cry

I have been pottering around on a site here in New Zealand since 2003 on which you can purchase and sell. This is the only major site here in New Zealand and it is ofcourse also the biggest.

Now over time I have like all of us not had a totally perfect record eg: some sales/purchases no matter how hard to try turn to custard just because of the circumstances the people involved and many issues that come to the table within each of these little individualistic events. This week I was feeling rather good about myself and felt that I was coping on a reasonable level - but who knew that behind the scenes gross conduct was being played out and enjoyed by others at my expense.

Unpredictability is sometimes fun, often difficult to imagine why and more often than not can be negotiated around and a form of agreement reached that is acceptable to all parties. NOW - evidently NOT this week past. My spotlight dulled, reshone, batteries went flat and finally it broke over the top of my head. Feel so abused!!!! please feel sorry for me....xxx

Suffice to say the site concerned listened to others and I am no longer able to trade with them for the rest of my life (just as well I'm not 20 years old) lol Customer complaints, feedback and general upheavals have put me on the outer and evidently with no redress to any of this.

But - some of us don't take kindly to being given ultimatums and have being given no way of addressing a result in other words they didn't give a flying "f" and were rude and uncooperative. So I got on my high horse and have laid an official complaint with the New Zealand Human Rights Commission. I feel not only hard done by personally (which made me feel very unworthy) I actually believe that I have been actually targetted because of my disabilities. Now being bi-polar is a day by day skeet shoot. It has me monitoring every single move I make and my bottom line at the end of the day is to have actually completed the day in a manner befitting my age, knowledge and experience with people on a good and positive level. I also try to make sure that I am being reasonable and also take up battons for others who have similar situations within our community being an Advocate for many years and seeing all forms of discrimination - every single one of them unnecessary and just heart breaking.

Enough on my ranting - just a comment: there is enough grief in this world for every individual every day to not add to their discomfort and to make their lives more miserable just by being bigger, bolder, having more clout than any individual. This is NOT on on ANY level in my view.

Now for some fun and games - lets change the subject. Got that gaul out...hehehe

Enjoyed a meeting thismorning with someone who didn't turn up but at least we got to liase later in the day - I think this is so funny. All my life I was taught to have manners and especially be on time to anything you agreed to do. Am I just being old fashioned is the world no longer a nice place to live? Just read a recent book which I think all of us should read (either for the fun aspect or for the more sinister aspects) and learn a little about how the world has progressed and probably not in a good way - only in some areas. The book is called Talk to the Hand and the author has given an amazing perspective on how we all have to survive in todays world...give it a bash - she has been given amazing reviews and I found it fascinating reading.

When I was growing up we used a book about manners, ethics and general good behaviour. This book was ofcourse put in my face often so that I would learn how to be a good person with excellent manners and able to talk with anyone on any subject ofcourse except on a first meeting when you don't discuss politics or religion only small talk and start out with the weather - this being the most inoffensive topic. lol

Maybe its time for another book to be written about how to treat your fellow man on basic levels eg: inside boutique shops where the staff look you up and down and judge you by your eyelashes...lol JUDGEMENTAL issues are one that make my blood boil why judge someone you don't know (and probably never will) just because 'you feel like it'......interesting concept isn't it?

Events come and go every week but sometimes they do stick and make you feel like a fool, unworthy and generally put upon in not a good way - I thank the heavens above that most of the time my life would be considered to be a challenge but a good one and enjoyable even though I am not a rocket scientist, a pilot in 'top gun'...only female one - go away fantasy....I survive.

I must say I will survive this weeks events but I'm feeling older and not too much wiser. On a very sad note I would like to give my best wishes and condolences to the family and friends of an amazing lady who was very creative who passed away yesterday. Her dress designing skills were incredible and she was a trail blazer - will be sorly missed by a few people - go in peace Sue.

Goodnight to you all..... more of my ranting and ravings when my brain has stopped shaking....

Enjoy your lives everyone.

Best regards
"Robyn" the (?) add you own word here

How to survive on "the smell of an oily rag"

2009-06-04T03:19:00.000-07:00

Nowadays its accepted that money is required for everything that wonderful USER PAYS....who would have thought when I was young that a buck would be needed to get almost anything you needed including friends, food, festivities, freedom, furniture, family...you name it the "f" word is required - what equals "f" - funding.

Now how to get this funding? Its easy, its inevitable, its absolutely necessary... bull crap. Money is a means to an end. Now the deciding factor is what means and to which end. If you start out with nothing supposedly you end up with nothing but inbetween so many people believe that they must acquire MONEY,MONEY,MONEY, (see abba) cause if they don't have it they have NO life.

Who decides the life part - are we talking about money that is required to live, food, water, shelter or money required for fun, games, persuits, fantasies. Sure it would be a good thing if money was only needed/required on a basic level and because of convoluted ideas that money is everything and will solve all problems the majority of people try to run over the top of their fellow man to get at the pile of invisible money he MUST have....otherwise they are useless and not worthy. O M G....

Tonight is a good example for lil ol me......I had exactly $9.10 cents in the bank. This for me at the end of a week is actually a plus, quite often we (the Royal me)is in a negative funding situation. I went out had dinner, drinks and enjoyable company for under the $9.10 because (I was brilliant, frugal, stupid, creative or what)? I went out to ENJOY (re read ENJOY) myself. So the initial motivation was not monetary but to have a life, get a life and enjoy my life (evening).

This quality of life ofcourse all depends on what any individual considers to be their singular/particular life and what they are entitled to. Especially if you have worked hard at University you may feel that you are better prepared and be more influential with your money probably money that you have yet to make (hopefully easily and effortlessly) as no one wants to work their guts out for little compensation on any level especailly FUNDING...which in todays society is So So So necessary. Well I have a view on this and money isn't required at all....

Now countries/empires/large corporations require funding to keep themselves running and in some cases this is such large amounts I can't count the number of zeros for it to be written down. Its like thinking about infinity and its calculation to get there. They get their funding from the backs of their workers (slight tongue in cheque here!)through the exchange of money, manufacturing invisible money and betting on the future of money - will it be required more or less???? Money mmm Money.....

My budget is to me the same as the World Bank's is for the entire world. My importance is paramount to me so therefore Me Me Me its all about me.

The easy buck - the Lotto win of the century, the item that all people in all walks of life can't go without, the food item that will make you thin (Oh and give you the capabilities to manafacture money) so here goes. My life and funding.

I was born into a household middle class well known (now don't forget New Zealand then was even smaller) and with all sorts of priviledges. Did I give a flying F - no I don't think so. I had no idea on anything so an empty vessel if you wish, that needed filling, and not necessarily with money - "I'm not a piggy bank" my journey of discovery began.

This middle class family had just come through the war so it was still struggling with petrol vouchers (we did have cars) rationing and all that went with this horrific world event.

Popping ahead to 2009 from 1949 he he he 60 years - lets do what they do in the movies and progress fast foward to today for ME.

I am unwell (too little words in the world to cover all I've got - lucky me - genetic crap shoot) and have been put out to pasture yelling and screaming all the way. Good way to say retired, made redundant, no longer required, immaterial - just Gone.... But with the New Zealand political system I am allowed to be a beneficiary. Lucky me. I get government funding every week to ensure that I function and am alive at the end of the following week - to await my next payment. Which I do I must admit hanker after and really would c..p myself if it didn't turn up. The original benefit in New Zealand was produced for women who were left without a husband and had children to bring up (war wives) called the Domestic Purposes Benefit. This has over time graduated and evolved into various handouts (Oh excuse me individualistic benefit requirements for targeted humans) but I was on the DPB when I was a solo mother and it did assist to bring up my children.

My Invalids Benefit if just that for me the invalid...lol It has been reassessed repeatedly over the past few years and hasn't kept up with the world economy on any level, local inflation or anything resembling the world of today. Examples below...now I'm not talking about anyone else other than myself so don't get upset or blame me for my genetic sess pool or how my life turned into a curdled custard...this is about ME don't forget no one else. If you want to know more tough...

Now 4 living, goodness me - expenses - user pays - power, phone, petrol (silly me I have a car), insurance, food, clothing, housing and general expenses. All this on under $300-00 a week. Now I'm reasonaly verbal (who knew!!!) so I am the kind of person who asks questions and usually if I don't wish to accept or like the original answer I re ask in a different way so over time have become relatively knowledgable on what is available under my particular benefit scheme. Their policy changes can be a bit of a mystery as they don't publish them so its unknown often what has transpired.

I won't be too specific but there isn't a lot to work with so its not rocket science. Total benefit $304-00 I think - havn't had a print out for ages. Then the government body who releases these benefits pays another government body (my landlord) so they don't miss out on their rent. The money I get into my bank a/c is what I can use. So far so good? brb going to have a coffee......

Expenses are constantly changing and why do they keep going UP - inflation - what a word I still think it means hot air eg: to inflate an inflateable item.

Power - we generate heaps evidently but all the hands that pick over its carcus makes for expensive cooking, heating and etc. etc. etc.

Food - New Zealand produces wonderful food but at the supermarket its usually form overseas (thats just too much for my brain to handle).

Housing - I was on a waiting list for over 17 years with Housing New Zealand never had enough properties or enough of anything to house us, this whilst I was bringing up my children and we would have been ever so grateful for a government funded house. I paid over $350-00 a week rental to a landlord but that all finished 10 years ago. LOL I now live on less a week than that rent all those years ago.

Car - 1998 does run on the smell of an oily rag (takes bugger all petrol) I don't go far anyway, but I do feel that if it was stolen or broken by someone else I couldn't afford another so keep it insured.

Sums are not my favourite past time so lets do it quickly and in one sentence and see if you can catch up $304 less $57 rent pay automatically $30 weekly for power (now its winter need to pay $100 weekly to cover) telephone/internet - God I'm greedy I have both - auto pay $35 weekly for that $25 weekly to chemist for pills $25 weekly to my Doctor to keep up $20 weekly for Sky (would go mental without some form of entertainment and I don't care how judgemental you are about me having this) so there!!! then $10 away for the car annual licencing fee $15 weekly for petrol and dog and cat food and $23.10 per week for car and household contents insurance - my food varies (get the calculator out we are probably in negative now anyway) then one style of card $20 weekly and whats left is all my to squander.

Now to cover the unknown contingencies there (a) can't be any and (b) isn't any money for them anyway...hehehehe If I'm too sick to get to the hospital I take an ambulance. I park at the hospital out of the parking grounds as its a user pays system and walk - when I'm going into surgery thats a bit of a bugger, but sometimes a friend will take me. I'm not being mean to my great friends but they have worries of their own why add mine to theirs.

You do the maths - if I am in a negative curve I cover by the following. No money scrounge from friends and neighbours examples - at the moment I owe three friends $35 2 x $10 and one $15 they know they will get it back but don't bust my chops about when. I have a policy always pay them back, ALWAYS - may take ages but it does happen. I do a little selling on an internet site Trade Me here in NZ and have sold most of my family stuff over the years to feed the kids and now feed me and my 3 cats and my 15 year old Jack Russell - Valcro. I trade time (green dollars) I ask if I can have (eg: tonight obtained 3 bits of prescious cake from a cafe who were about to throw it out) kept one and gave one to my best friends husband and wife - they had had a bad day and a treat is something we can all appreciate and enjoy.

Now I've had enought of all this international finance - sleepy and have had a virus which is now dancing inside my chest so feel like a dead leaper (new name of a band?) on anti-biotics so should survive......

I have over the years volunteered for hours and hours and hours not all enjoyable but I have given to my community and they have in turn given back to me, I don't go around begging its not a good look for me and makes me feel uncomfortable emotionally and physically. ENJOYMENT IS A NECESSITY FOR ME TO SURVIVE and if that is playing a card game on the net so be it......

Networking is essential for survival - not just do gooders giving out money to mend the fence (after the bull has run through it) or bodies/individuals/whoever giving money to poor all around the world. I am poor but only financially not poor in heart nor poor in my future.

I have been bankrupt twice - this is another blog. I am bi-polar so money is a very large trigger for me.

Just a wee note: Don't forget prior to being diagnosed with a mental illness I was a workaholic and a very different person...more on that later.

Cheers to you all

Please enjoy your days and think of others who have nothing and I mean nothing I am far better off than the majority of the world's population and for that I shed tears everyone is entitled to a good life, love and prosperity of their soul.

A Baby Boomers week in Auckland, New Zealand

2009-05-29T12:28:00.001-07:00

I'm going to let you into a little secret I'm turning 60 years old in September....my oh my how old is that?

My life has had lots of changes (nothing more constant in our lives than change) in my lifetime which has now become extremely long but I won't allow it to be boring I treat every single day as a challenge and I live it to the FULL....in my own amazing ways, because I am soooo kewl. lol

Being (mature) I have lots of free time. I retired many years ago and my daily training to keep me up to date with all my sphere and the old grey cells working at least on some form of relevant current level means I persue all sorts of various, for want of a better word, things.....

I enjoy technology heaps (note: most of my mature female friends in my age group are technophobes) I endeavour to use some new goodie every day. My mother passed away 25 years ago and was born in 1906 she was always interested in world affairs and more than most women of her age thought the world was capable of amazing things, very forward thinking especially considering her upbringing and where she was born. I wish I could talk to her about the internet and the crucial good and bad influence it has had on every single person in our world. Technology for her went from horse and cart to automobiles to planes to rockets to moon landings - etc. etc. etc. she would have been totally blown away with the current technology and its ongoing routes side bars and progression.

Now to get back to me (who ofcourse is what all this is about - ME) I'm taking you through a lil ol week of mine.

There is so much time to fill in but OMG can it be done - oh YES it can.....(p.s. women can do anything even older ones) lol so here we go..................

Sunday - went out to brunch with my two children at a really kewl cafe here in Auckland for the first time as my sprogs know all the trandy places...Sale St. which I'll give all the goss on later in the blog.

Monday - had coffee out with a friend at a local watering hole One 2 One.

Tuesday - looked to upgrading my fashion style at Texasradio (which is close by to where I live) now this is a project and a half more on this saga later.

Wednesday - had yet another coffee (and a wee drink) again at Sale St.

Thursday - OMG another cafe 5 loaves and 2 fish a wee boutique style cafe and deli.

Friday - went to a shoe shop (one of those big jobs that have thousands of styles at infintisimle prices) no Jimmy Choo in their stock!!!!.....thought I might try a pair of high heels - now this is a challenge could I survive walking without falling over - more on this later - and I was stone cold sober whilst I was trying heaps on.

NOW - Saturday morning at 7.45 a.m. having a big shot of coffee and writing this blog.

Sorry stopping for that second coffee - brb

Went back to Sale St. as I found it very very (cool) and is a positive oasis in the middle of Auckland's CBD. They have an amazing outside eating area which has such an astonishing atmosphere I felt I could have been anywhere in the world (fantasy time here hehe). Don't know the gist of how to do it but a project 4 me this week is 2 upload pics in here (promise none of me toooo scary). Hopefully I can give you a peek into how it looks and maybe how it might feel for you guys out there....

Being the interagating personality I have ofcourse badgered all the staff with questions what what how how when when etc.....(poor guys and gals) but did find out some fairly cute news.

This cafe/restaurant/event venue because of its trendy (shush - don't tell anyone young and eye candy owners) - knock it off fantasy, bad girl, do keep up with trends and probably start some of their own.

Susan Boyle (a girl after my own heart a mature woman) the newest world sensation singing star has been given a drink named after her. Now digressing for a moment here will list below my health and wealth issues to give an indication of where I'm at...(see all about ME).

I have diabetes type 2 am bi-polar (bloody genetics) have had the odd bout of cancer am poor as a church mouse (old English saying) and live in a country where thank all of the gods there is a system in place to keep people like me off the streets. Not being unkind to those who have to other option. I am a beneficiary of an invalids benefit so my cash flow is f...ing bad man bad!!!! I live on the smell of an oily rag......

So being able to sit somewhere posh (in my best going out clothes) where I could meld in and be one of the 'trendy' group was FANTASTIC. I ate a bread roll and had my dose of daily diet coke - been drinking diet coke every day of my life since I was 10 years old (another total blog)and ofcourse worst of the worst I S M O K E cigarettes have done for 52 years. I digress

The Susan Boyle cocktail - took a friend back for a quick drink later that day - as she is so so so kewl and has the $ to pay for it...we tried one. WELL OMG WHAT CAN I SAY EVEN LOUDER THAN CAPITALS....it was fab and I mean fab. Ewwwww could have drunk so many I would have been unable to walk, talk or be even on this planet. We had one drink with two straws. Because I'm such a busy body I asked the young barman what went into it so here goes - the recipe, trust they havn't put in for a patent....lol they can sue if they so desire lol lol lol

A young man Ed Nadarajah who is 25 created the following - now I'm going to not be able to spell any of this can't be bothered looking it up so will be phoenetic using my skill as a user of Stenoscript from when I went to school in Philadelphia U.S.A. in 1966/67.

one martini glass

shaken (not stirred lol)
beladern vodka
wild strawberry liquer
sour rhubarb liquer
orange blossom water
cranberry
mixed berries
creme frangelico
white cremdekakao.....
kind of a layered effect in the glass when its served

TOTALLY O R G A S M I C 4 my taste buds and also my friends.

Don't know the quantities you come drink one yourself if you wish to know more.

Must let you into a secret the trendy clothing I wore to Sale St. probably made me look like a sheep dressed up like a lamp but I don't give a flying f... I can only buy second hand or beg off my friends for their last season never going to wear again clothes or rummage through bags left on the streets for collection.... so the Texasradio stop during the week was not only to cheer me up (which it did big time the owner is such a cutie pie (total eye candy for an old duck!!!!!!) had a trendy well designed and amazing little shop with the best sales person in the world his sweet wee son (oh sorry dog).....they cater for both genders and all in between - I drooled probably physically but even though I looked old, slightly confused and infirmed and not able to purchase anything (another blog next week on funding - mine and the worlds) was given the run of the shop he was friendly, fun, funky and wow what a time I had. Might just rum raid in my mini next week only trouble being everyone in my neighbourhood knows me and my car and would bloody well blab to the pigs...........lol

Well have now vented my spleen and enjoyed writing this up. Have to tell you all a joke but you will have b well wait.

Going to do my sexy chore for this hour take a blood sugar level.

Any questions feel free to ask - I may or may not answer depending on what you ask and if I f....ing well feel like it.

P.S. Do watch some tv as I live alone but my BEST picks are "The Big Bang Theory" and "2 and a half men"

Blog with you all later. To my children who are obliged to read this delete if you feel I have been too over the top guys (bi-polar part of me and you are embarassed!!!) but your mum had a great week and feels happy, contented and up and running for a new day.

ciao

My early years in USA - 1958

2009-05-25T04:07:00.000-07:00

I was 8 years old and my mother and father had just divorced and as a treat she took herself and me on the Monteray to San Francisco. There were two ships the Monteray and the Mariposa who travelled backwards and forwards from Auckland, Fiji, Hawaii and then on to San Francisco. These ships took turns and were a very popular way to travel to the United States. Don't forget in 1958 it was an epic journey to fly from New Zealand to America - took days - you slept on board the sea plane also had to stop for gas at various locations along the way one fill up and long flying was not going to ever be an option....ha ha ha look at 2009. Usually businessmen (didn't have women then lol) used these clippers as it was quicker than the ships which took about 2 weeks.

Thought I would spill the beans on how and what all this old fashioned shipboard life involved its history now and could be a bit of a nostalgic trip for me and you guys will be flawed at what went on.

Day one boarding - 10 a.m. no early start just a wait in the shed (and I mean shed here in Auckland) guarding your luggage which was enough to supply an entire army of fashion geeks. We only had 4 cases, 2 hand luggage and 1 large almost walk in case that opened up with compartments for all the goodies called a shipping trunk. Makes me think of the Titanic style of luggage.

There wasn't segregation on these ships no first, second, cabin, tourist or swim behind!!! they were one class only and so you couldn't dissapear down into any fun areas. lol But - the big but...there were various styles of cabins from the suite to the dungeon. My mother booked a medium sized dungeon inside with no porthole but I'm happy to say it did have air and an ensuite, they were called toilets then.

Walking on board slowly to be met by the Purser and his assistant and you passed over your ticket which was then either smiled at, nodded at or looked at in disgust......told volumes about their snobbery. They were ofcourse beautifully togged out in navy whites as it was December 1958 and was summer here. You were then given over to a minion who ran ahead (to bloody fast for my liking I was only 8) and your cabin door was opened with a flourish and in you went. One little event happened the young man held out his hand and as we were ignorant of any form of tipping my mother shook his hand and said - thank you young man.......his face was a picture..

Now the cabin was from memory probably 9 feet long by 6 feet wide with a bed and a bunk over it on one side the other side was a thinish bench with a mirror over it and shelves of tubular steel to put your trunks on until you unpacked. A small chest of draws beside it. The toilet area was 3 feet by 3 feet - no cat swinging in there possible at all.......Your luggage was already inside the cabin so there was no room for anthing even us, omg.

Now it was 11 a.m. and all your friends were allowed to come and see you off, they just arrived said your name to the Purser and he gave directions to where you were. As my mother was recently divorced (this was absolutely unheard of in New Zeland and very rare) we had lots of friends arrive just to check that she was still in tact and able to walk and talk without the MAN who she was married to. She was breaking out and going and doing something on her own - how trendy was that? think most of them thought her mad as a hatter doing such a brave thing on her own.

New Zeland's Prime Minister and Government of the time had difficulty with funds from overseas and we were basically so far away from the rest of the world that no American dollars were available other than travellers cheques from Thomas Cook and the restriction was diabolical(havn't got a pound sign to use) 100 ($ = 200) for the entire trip on the ship and the stay in San Francisco. The idea was that you could survive on 3 pounds a day and as you were fed, watered and entertained on the ship really no money needed for that....wow they were stingy. Tipping not an issue not necessary....

There was a way around all of this - very very very quietly friends would do the following - give you a wrapped gift as a present for your trip, boxes of chocolates, books to read and various other small items to wish you well on your journey. Flowers were also given so we looked like a box room in a botanical garden filled with flowers, people, one child, all the luggage and drinks were being served by a steward with a big tray wow We did flow out into the passageway which caused a little concern from our steward who asked ever so politely to please try and stay inside (how bloody stupid was that) we wouldn't have been able to breathe.

The ship was ready to rock at 1 p.m. so the big hooter went off twice - long long screatches, so then the stewards came running and briskly asked people who were not sailing to please vacate the ship asap - in other words f off, but ever so politely said.

Tears, hugs, tears, laughter, giggling and generally too much champagne and off they strolled, rolled and walked. We left at the same time and went up on deck so we could wave goodbye. Now this is so kewl.....there was a Maori dance and singing party on the wharf and all the friends, relations and hangers on mulled around until the ship gave out the 3 toots for the tug boats to start pulling us out and away......then all hell broke loose. The Maori party started singing and everyone joined in (now there were probably 200 guests on the ship leaving) on the wharf were 500 odd maybe more - not a lot to do in Auckland so everyone brought their children to see any ship sail it was a cheap outing. The Maori party sang "now is the hour" and all those New Zealanders on the ship started crying the American and other nationalities just looked on in either horror or thought it sweet - thousands of streamers were thrown backwards and forwards and it looked like a ticker tape parade. I'm talking thousands of streamers.

Off we went....down the harbour. Now I digress for a moment yesterday here in Auckland was the anniversary of our one harbour bridge 50 years - wow - and we had all sorts of protests and funny stuff happening as the Transport Authority who monitor our Auckland harbour bridge wouldn't allow anyone to walk over it. But in 1958 as the ship turned out from the wharf there was the bridge in all it's glory with the two middle bits missing hadn't been finished so that was intersting!!!! not

Two hundred miles off New Zealand there is a very deep trench under the ocean until you get there it can be a tad bumpy on the seas so that was our first warning - many more to come. Please try and hold on to the available handrails until you can walk easily. Now its 3 p.m. afternoon tea.

After sailing, back into the cell at toot speed the steward called past to advise best to open some of the smaller cases and unpack a little so while we were at afternoon tea he could remove the suitcases that we had emptied into storage. The trunk was to stay in the cabin for the entire voyage....lol This we did with great gusto and in a great hurry, mother thinking that first in first served at the afternoon tea so off came the hat, gloves and into it in a big way. OMG - I had a nanny who had looked after me since I was born and Clemmie had assisted my mother to pack in the days and weeks prior to this voyage. One bit of a bummer my dearest nanny thought that my mother was being a little too strict/cruel and so unbenownst to everyone Clemmie repacked my suitcase with certain goodies I would certainly need on my voyage. My favourite teddy, my best doll, my great set of Peter Rabbit books, the small doll I like to dress and all that doll's clothing. Only thing in there for me was a pair of shorts, a couple of dresses, underwear (not enough) and a party dress plus two pairs of shoes. My poor mother lost the plot - that damn woman she said - how dare she pack your toys instead of all the clothing I had especially purchased especially for you for the voyage. By the way no tops.

Afternoon tea - held in the large main lounge on the promonade deck level with lots of tables and chairs all coffee table height (new one on us - low tables - afternoon tea - what the HELL!!!) but there were stewards assisting with sitting people together in a friendy manner shuffling everyone around. Now one problem - I WAS THE ONLY CHILD ON THE ENTIRE SHIP - what to do with the sprog. Well the First Officer asked my mother to join him and his friends at their table which I suppose stopped a riot. My every move was being watched with disdain....ewwww

The only child part is another blog - it was fascinating and that is probably why all of this is totally burnt into my hard drive.

Next blog will cover dress, manners, who, where and what and the CHILD on board.

Enjoy - my goodness its all come back to me now - whew - need a coffee and a calm down.

See you all again soon

Where to from here.......the future a mature view

2009-05-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

Maturity - what is it? Something that happens to all of us or does it? I am turning 60 this year but only still feel that I could be 40 or even younger. Attitude is the key. Looks are not as important as so many people feel they are, we are not going to disintigrate in front of everyone just because we have a chin that isn't perfect and matching everyone elses (these beautiful people must have been to the same surgeon who went to the same seminar) God help us all.....

Maturity is a state of mind. You can be 12 and be mature and you can be 79 and be in no way at all mature. Lets defne it, I feel we need to rethink individually how to proceed. What do we need?

Confidence - well that comes and goes - Security - that has been taken away from millions of people for all sorts of reasons usually without their control (current world financial issues has taken security from many who felt they had "made it") now they have a learning curve which is going straight up, straight down and sideways. Piece of mind - now thats a good one!!! individuals think everyone other than themselves has achieved this - but none of us do unless, as in my life, being bi-polar gives me all sorts of piece of mind - daily - hourly - and it disappears a lot as well is an entire world suffering from this type of polarisation? Being comfortable in yourself is achieved with kindness and consideration of yourself and of others - will elaborate later on this one.

So where to now..........(a lot actually have) do we all turn into people who are heartless, violent, uncaring of our fellow man, vitriolic to all, self centered, and just plain awful which has happened at a fast pace in my lifetime OR do we sit down and think about our lives our futures and what, where and how we would like to end up. Age is just a number but to feel comfortable in ourselves we do have to think about how we treat ourselves and others - a kind word or deed doesn't cost money it gives us strength to improve our inner being and those we have assisted even in the smallest way may not remember what it was but they may also have more strength to go on.

My pet hate....money as it has been said it is the root of all evil. Why has the world and many individuals not assisted others and their fellow humans. There has been years of lets make our money off the backs of those who we don't care about why do we need 50 different types of one product that 90% of the world can't even afford to eat, buy or use. Money well its nice to have some but why did so may people bet on the future of our world by needing to progress over the tops of others?

SO to politics - such a mixture of attitudes, agendas and self interests - not all are like that but a majority are which taints all around us. This causes stress and grief which could have been avoided if the agendas had not been so self centered - always ofcoure done for the best of intentions, but who's theirs or ours?

I have never been so pleased to finally see a President of the United States of America (and I have lived long enough to have lived through a significant number of Presidencies) who from what I have seen so far has a caring, humane, intellectual, thoughtful human side great carisma to make improvements that will eventually cater to many different groups President Obama in my view does have a belief in the betterment of not only the U.S.A. but a world suffering from so many sad and insurmountable troubles and supposedly unsolveable differences. Now this young man is mature beyond his years and has a belief in himself and a belief that others have the potential to do a good and helpful job as well, but often this is hidden behind self interest a new perspective discussed and acted upon as a role model by President Obama I feel will serve humanity and solve over time a number of issues that have plagued us all for many years.

In my lifetime the world has really gone far away from its most needed core values in so many areas that it will take a miracle to even dent a positive start to a healthy humanity and world changing into a liveable and sustainable world.

Think of the volume of issues to be dealt with - mind boggling - so where from here a better understanding of each other at a basic and humanistic level. Bring it on.

So much do be done and probably needs to be achieved in a fairly short space of time as deterioration has set in and isn't going to go away any time soon.

Corporate raiders etc. etc. people who get salaries that would keep entire countries fed, did those people who actually earn these amounts actually do any good with their physical money - or did they spend it on themselves or gobble up other not such lucky companies and people - they just gambled and gambled on everyones future - not theirs they were safe...or so they thought.

This is my first blog OMG a rant and a rave without a lot of thought but will sit down and try and understand why we are now at this stage in what I hope will still be a beautiful world before it is too late.

I need to be forgiven for all the typos etc. its 4a.m. here in New Zeland and I decided to go for it.

Comments please (if you wish) and I will elaborate on some of my bloggy bits above.